For When It Wasn't Funny

Did you go a bit too far with your April Fooling? Have some of your coworkers stopped speaking to you because they didn't find your stinky fish gag in their desk drawers until this morning? Are your children now deathly afraid of milk because you dropped a little green dye in the jug yesterday? Is your spouse terrified to leave the house because you shaved his/her head in the middle of the night? Well if so, you probably need to do a bit of post-April Fool's Day damage control. But don't worry, it isn't nearly as scary as it may sound. (Well... okay, if you shaved your spouse's head, then yes – you should be terrified. But otherwise it shouldn't be too bad.) Below I have compiled a listing of possible solutions to this April Fool's Day problem. Of course, which course of action you choose depends upon the situation, so choose carefully. And remember, each of these solutions is meant to be used in conjunction with a heartfelt apology and requisite reparations gift.

• Throw a pity party. Invite your April Fool's Day victim's closest friends over for a party. Set out some wine, some junk food, and maybe even a couple of miniature violins with sheet music for “My Heart Bleeds for You.” Then, you can get lost, and allow your guests the time they need to bad-mouth you and eventually get over the April Fool's Day embarrassment/resentment.
  
  
• Create a diversion. Is your April Fool's Day victim afraid of mice? GREAT! Why not release a couple of rodents in the house? The other person will be far too traumatized by the rodent sighting to ever remember your April Fool's Day gag.
  
  
• Encourage your victim to play a cruel joke on you. “Accidentally” leave that bottle of Tabasco sauce beside your bottle of foot fungus cream. Or perhaps you could forget to hide away those embarrassing Las Vegas stag party photos (you know the ones I mean – with the Elvis lookalike, the bed sheet toga, and the tub of Cool Whip...)
  
  
• Schedule a group session with your therapist, and invite your victim to attend and discuss his/her concerns. Of course, don't actually take your victim to your real therapist – that man/woman simply knows way too much about you...
  
  
• Call in sick. Let's face it, if your coworkers are P.O.'ed with you, it's probably best to avoid the office for the next day or two; you won't be getting any work done anyway. And besides, it'll give your coworkers time to cool down and remove the tacks they placed on your chair, incriminating insider trading evidence they planted on your computer, and forged pink slips they slipped into your mailbox.