Rocky Road Brownies

ROCKY ROAD BROWNIES

With Halloween just around the corner, you might be looking for a special treat to serve at your party. And today's recipe for Rocky Road Brownies is just that – a delicious dessert that any trick-or-treater would be happy to receive.

Makes one 8-by-11½-inch pan

1	cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, plus more for greasing
12	ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips
3	large eggs
1	cup light-brown sugar, firmly packed
1	tablespoon instant coffee granules
1	tablespoon pure vanilla extract
¾	cup all-purpose flour
1½	teaspoons baking powder
½	teaspoon kosher salt
8	ounces assorted chocolate chips, such as milk, semi-sweet, and white chocolates
1	cup mini marshmallows
1	cup walnuts, coarsely chopped

Preheat the oven to 350ºF and lightly butter an 8-by-11½-inch baking pan. Line the baking pan with a sheet of buttered parchment paper, leaving an overhang of parchment on two sides. Set aside. In the bowl of a double boiler or bain-marie set over simmering water, combine the butter and 12 ounces of semi-sweet chocolate chips. Melt, stirring often, until smooth. Remove from the heat and cool slightly.

In a large bowl, whisk together the eggs, sugar, coffee granules, and vanilla extract. Gradually stir in the cooled chocolate mixture. Then, combine the flour, baking powder, and salt in a fine-mesh sieve. Sift the flour mixture over the chocolate batter, and stir to combine.

Spread the batter out evenly into the prepared baking pan. Bake in the preheated oven until a cake tester inserted into the center of the brownies comes out clean, 35 to 40 minutes. Then, remove the brownies from the oven and sprinkle the top evenly with the 8 ounces of assorted chocolate chips, mini marshmallows, and chopped walnuts. Return the brownies to the oven and bake for 2 to 3 minutes more, or until the marshmallows are puffed.

Cool the brownies to room temperature, then refrigerate until the topping is firm. Using the parchment overhangs, remove the brownies from the pan and cut into about 12 bars.

Last Minute Costume Ideas

Well, Halloween is just around the corner. So if you haven't had the time to get a costume yet, you might be out of luck. Let's be honest here – the stores are already stocking the shelves for Christmas... You'll be lucky to find a Halloween costume left. But don't worry. Today I have a few last minute Halloween costume ideas that should help all you holiday procrastinators get into the festive spirit.

• For an impromptu gypsy costume, fashion a sort of dress out of all the curtains in your house. Then, grease your hair up with olive oil, smear your face with a little dirt, and head out to panhandle for Halloween candy.
  
  
• With a simple trench coat you can become a famous television journalist, a police inspector, or a flasher!
  
  
• Swamp thing is always an easy Halloween costume. First, put on some green clothes. Then, pin some leaves to your shirt, paint your face green with guacamole, and head out the door. Not only is it an affordable costume, but all that guacamole will do wonders for your skin.
  
  
• And of course, for the simplest costume ever – strategically place a couple of leaves and attend that Halloween party as Adam and/or Eve.

Happy Halloween everyone!

Treats in a Pinch

Did you forget to stop at that candy shop to purchase some Halloween treats for all those trick-or-treaters? Well don't worry, today I have a few treat suggestions that should help you appease the demands of all those sweet-toothed trick-or-treaters, while saving you that hurried trip to the local convenience store.

Ten “Home-Made” Halloween Treats

• Juice boxes (the kids need something to wash all that candy down with...)
• Cough drops (because cold and flu season will soon be upon us...)
• Postage stamps (they're close enough to stickers, right?)
• Antacid tablets (with all that candy someone it bound to end up with a tummy ache...)
• Mini tubes of toothpaste (after tonight, the kids are going to need it...)
• Money (who is really going to complain about that?)
• Old campaign bumper stickers (see postage stamps above.)
• Eggs (better to be the supplier, than to be egged yourself...)
• Tubes of cookie dough (you know you have it buried in the back of the fridge...)
• Coupons for candy (that way once they finish their Halloween stash, the trick-or-treaters can buy more candy!)

Trick-or-Trick

Well it just wouldn't be Halloween without a few neighborhood pranks, now would it? And if you are typically on the receiving end of all those Halloween tricks, then try following some of the tips below. With a little luck, they should help reduce your risk of being pranked.

• Turn on all the outside lights and leave them on for the night. Sure you might get a few midnight trick-or-treaters stopping by because it looks like you're still awake, but having to get up to hand out candy is a small price to pay.
  
  
• If the neighborhood punks frequently egg people's houses, be proactive about it. Host a souffle-themed block party the day before Halloween. That way when Halloween arrives, those hoodlums won't be able to find a single carton of eggs within a 5-mile radius...
  
  
• Wrapping your windows in plastic wrap is an effective way to deter those would be tricksters from smearing your glass with soap, shaving cream, or other difficult to remove substances. Plus, if you leave the plastic wrap up all winter, it will actually help further insulate your home – it's win, win!
  
  
• And finally, if you are the sort that gets pranked each year, it is probably because you are one of those “healthy” people that thinks apples are Halloween “treats.” Well, let me tell you - unless those apples are dipped in a thoroughly unhealthy caramel sauce, they are not Halloween “treats.” So either drop the apples and start handing out some candy like a real American, or risk getting TPed.

Halloween Safety

Since next Monday is Halloween (and I won't have time to blog because there will be far too many apples to caramel and pumpkins to carve), I thought that I would take this week to discuss all those other important Halloween details. So here goes!

Safety is of course an important concern at any special occasion, and Halloween is no exception. With children running about the streets trick-or-treating, people carving giant pumpkins with sharp knives, and grandparents accidentally gluing their dentures together while eating caramel apples and popcorn balls, it's a wonder how more Halloweens don't end up with trips to the ER. So in the interest of making sure that your festivities don't become a nightmare, today I shall offer you a few tips that should help you stay safe.

First, don't let the kids go trick-or-treating by themselves! Aside from the fact that in today's world it seems like you can't trust anyone, you (as the parent) also have to consider your own reputation. I'm mean – it's Halloween, your kid(s) just want to run wild with their friends for the night, but unless you want to be known as the parent who raised a pack of rabid dingos, those kids need some adult supervision. And if they are in fact old enough to go without adult supervision – then what are they doing going trick-or-treating in the first place?

Second, avoid handing out candies that contain nuts, seeds, raisins, or malted anything. Aside from the fact that many people are now allergic to nuts and other such things, nobody really likes them in their candy... It's Halloween – hand out chocolate!

Third, hide your pets, your senile, and your extra-small children. Let's be honest here – there are going to be a lot of scary looking people coming to your house tonight. And the last thing you need is for your toddler to start screaming every time a witch walks through the door. Wait, scratch that. The last thing you need is for your 98-year-old great-grandfather to start telling all the neighborhood kids about how when he was a young boy they had to go trudging through waist-deep snow every Halloween to trick-or-treat for yellow onions because there was a war on and yellow onions where the closest thing to candy they had...

And finally fourth, try not to burn the house down with the jack-o-lanterns. Ok?

Pasta Peperonata with Sausage and Broccoli

PASTA PEPERONATA WITH SAUSAGE AND BROCCOLI

This recipe for Pasta Peperonata with Sausage and Broccoli is a complete meal that can be prepared using only one pot and one pan.

Serves 4 to 6

1	pound sweet Italian sausage, casings removed and crumbled
2	red bell peppers, seeds removed and sliced
2	yellow bell peppers, seeds removed and sliced
½	large red onion, peeled and thinly sliced
	Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1	pound ziti, or other short pasta
1	pound broccoli, trimmed and cut into bite-size pieces
3	tablespoons balsamic vinegar
8	cloves garlic, peeled and minced
¼	teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
½	cup Parmesan cheese, finely grated, plus more for garnish
¼	cup Mascarpone cheese
¼	cup fresh flat-leaf parsley, coarsely chopped
	Extra-virgin olive oil, for drizzling

In a large skillet set over medium heat, cook the sausage, stirring often, until well browned and cooked through, 5 to 8 minutes. With a slotted spoon, remove the sausage from the pan and set aside. Pour off all but 1 tablespoon of the sausage drippings and return the skillet to the heat. Toss in the bell peppers and onion. Season with salt and black pepper. Then, cover the skillet and cook, stirring occasionally, until the peppers are very soft, about 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Following the package instructions, cook the pasta in the boiling water. During the last 6 minutes of cooking, add the broccoli to the pot of boiling pasta. Continue to cook until the pasta is al dente and the broccoli is just tender. Remove from the heat and drain, reserving ½ cup of the cooking liquid.

Add the vinegar, garlic, and crushed red pepper flakes to the skillet of peppers and onions. Cook an additional minute. Remove the skillet from the heat and stir in the Parmesan, Mascarpone, and parsley. Toss in the reserved pasta and broccoli mixture, as well as the sausage. If necessary, pour in some of the reserved cooking liquid to thin the sauce. Then, season with salt and black pepper, and garnish with a drizzle of olive oil and more Parmesan.

If You Scare the Trick-or-Treaters

I think most adults enjoy the superficial thrill of a good scary Halloween. But that is certainly not the case for most small children. And if some of your younger trick-or-treaters find your Halloween haunted house a little too frightening for their tastes, follow the directions below to turn their terrified screams into joyful laughter.

First, avoid the temptation to throw candy at the child. Sure, candy does have the power to make screaming children happy, but not when it is hurled at them by a six-foot Frankenstein's monster.

Second, remove as much of your costume as possible before approaching the small child. Granted you can't exactly wipe off all the costume makeup each time a kid gets scared. But you can take off that witch's hat, strap-on nose, and frizzy wig. (Just be sure not to take off too much of your costume. Taking off too much will just scare the child more - not to mention terrify most of your other party guests...)

Third, don't try to hug the child immediately. Sure, the kid probably does need a hug, but he/she just saw you transform from an Oompa Loompa back into their neighbor, Mr. Kraus. The child is going to need a minute to adjust before being hugged.

And finally fourth, if all else fails – grease up a little piglet, strap a pair of fake devil horns on its head, and then allow the frightened children to playfully chase the little piggy imp all the way home.

A Few Tips

With very little time to write today, I shall simply leave you with a few of my favorite bits of kitchen wisdom:

• If a recipe ever calls for “ten undented cans of SPAM” throw that recipe away
  
  
• The Greeks believed that ambrosia was the food of the gods. I believe bacon is.
  
  
• The next time you're entertaining a troupe of traveling gypsies, fill your pockets with chocolate coins. Gypsies love chocolate just about as much as they love pickpocketing.
  
  
• A real man never lets a little snow get between him and his grill.
  
  
• Never buy sushi at a pet store – it's not really tuna.

National No Beard Day

Happy National No Beard Day everyone! Why do we need a day devoted to shaving off those crumb catchers, those chin warmers, and those soup strainers? Well... unless you're going for the Amish look, I think it's time to shave that shaggy thing off. (And since no Amish person will ever see this electronic article, I feel little guilt in making fun of their shaggy beards...) So if you're planning to celebrate this holiday in proper fashion, let me give you a few ideas that should help keep your freshly shaven face nice and warm, despite today's chilly temperatures.

• Smear your face with whipped cream, sour cream, or guacamole – it'll insulate your bare cheeks, while also providing you with a convenient snack should you get hungry halfway through the day.
  
  
• Go to the local single's bar and show off that clean shaven face - chances are someone will take notice and... find a way to keep your face warm...
  
  
• Knit yourself a chin cozy using a nice warm wool yarn or your freshly shaven beard hair.
  
  
• Wear your house cat around your neck like a scarf. That'll keep you warm – especially if your cat is at all flatulent...

Not Sharing is Caring

I think we all learned in grade school that “sharing is caring.” And yet in today's germ-a-phobic world, there are certainly some things that are best left hoarded away. I experienced this very phenomenon the other day, when one friend bit her gum in half and offered me a piece. Suffice it to say I declined the... courteous invitation and simply went without. But in the interest of exploring some of the “sharing is caring” exceptions to the rule, I have compiled a list of some instances when it is best to keep your possessions to yourself.

Ten Things to Avoid Sharing:

• toothpicks
• Q-Tips
• dental floss
• Kleenexes
• thongs
• toothbrushes
• chewed bubble gum
• the flu
• suppositories
• flatulence

Pumpkin Spice Cake Doughnuts

PUMPKIN SPICE CAKE DOUGHNUTS

Who doesn't like doughnuts? And this recipe for Pumpkin Spice Cake Doughnuts is so delicious that you're probably going to want to eat them by the dozen.

Makes about 1 dozen

2	cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting
1½	teaspoons baking powder
¾	cup prepared pumpkin, or canned pumpkin purée
½	cup granulated sugar
2	large egg yolks
2	teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
¾	teaspoon kosher salt
½	teaspoon pure vanilla extract
	Peanut oil, for frying

Into a small mixing bowl, sift together the flour and baking powder. Set aside.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine the pumpkin, sugar, egg yolks, pumpkin pie spice, salt, and vanilla extract. Mix on low speed until well combined. With the machine running on low, incorporate the reserved flour mixture, mixing just long enough to create a smooth, yet sticky dough. (Be careful not to overmix – doing so will make your doughnuts chewy.)

In a large stockpot, heat the peanut oil until it registers 375ºF on a deep-frying thermometer. Meanwhile, sift a heavy dusting of flour over a work surface. Place the dough in the center of the floured surface and sift another layer of flour over the dough. Using your hands, pat the dough out into a ⅜-inch thick round. With a well-floured 3½-inch doughnut cutter, cut out as many doughnuts as possible from the dough.

Working in batches, dust off any excess flour from the doughnuts and fry in the hot peanut oil until golden brown on both sides and cooked through, about 1½ minutes per side. Then, with a slotted spoon, remove the doughnuts from the oil and transfer to a wire rack to drain of excess oil. Serve or store in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

Halloween Costumes on the Cheap

With Halloween swiftly approaching, we must now all begin thinking about our Halloween costumes. But if you're a little tight on money and don't think you can afford a proper costume this year, don't worry. Today, I have a few suggestions for cheap costumes that you can make at home.

• We've all done the bed sheet ghost before, but you know that same bed sheet also makes the prefect toga, superhero cape, Princess Leia dress, or giant baby diaper.
  
  
• By wrapping yourself from head to toe in aluminum foil you can create an excellent robot, satellite, or leftover mystery meat costume.
  
  
• With a simple trench coat, you can easily costume yourself as a journalist, police inspector, or flasher.
  
  
• If you're going out trick-or-treating with the kids, cover your mattress with a yellow sheet, strap the thing to your back, and call yourself Sponge Bob.
  
  
• And if all else fails - go outside, collect a couple of large leaves, and go as Adam and Eve. Can't get much cheaper than that, now can you?

I hope these tips have helped. And good luck with your Halloween costume!

Dealing with Autumn

I've always enjoyed the autumn. In fact, I'd say it's probably my favorite season. But I can also certainly understand when someone says they dread this time of year. Let's be honest – the days are short, the trees are leafless, and the snow is coming... So if you are just such a person who despairs at the end of summer, don't worry. Today, I have a few ideas that should lift your spirits despite the changing seasons.

• Make a summer room in your house. Simply truck in some sand, fill a kiddie pool with water, and get lots of bright lights to disperse throughout the room. Then, when the cold weather starts to get to you, simply put on your bathing suit and head into the summer room to enjoy a brief vacation at your very own personal beach.
  
  
• Dig out the Christmas decorations. Sure Christmas is still a couple of months away, but it is a rather joyous time of year, now isn't it?
  
  
• If the kids are always in the house now and driving you crazy, grease up a little piglet and let it loose in the backyard. That'll get the kids out of the house for a few hours.
  
  
• Take up a new hobby. I hear toe fuzz collecting is quite fun...

I hope these suggestions help. And enjoy the autumn... if you can.

Techno-Withdrawal

You always want what you can't have. Isn't that just how it always is? For instance - our cable is on the fritz this week, and though I would normally consider myself to possess only the slightest case of TV addiction, I find it completely annoying that I can't watch anything today. I'm practically going through techno-withdrawal at the moment, even despite the fact that I rarely watch much of anything on Tuesdays... (Side effects of techno-withdrawal include: sleeplessness, hair loss, weight gain, depression, chipped tooth, numb tongue, spontaneous nose hair growth, “Hogan's Heroes” flashbacks, “Gilligan's Island” Syndrome – feeling of being alone on a desert island, terminal boredom, coma, death, and the adoption of unhealthy hobbies such as bandaid collecting, stop sign licking, and toe-jam picking.) So in the interest of treating my techno-withdrawal, I have compiled a list of possible treatment options. Enjoy!

• Sit on the sofa with the TV remote in your hand and turn the TV off and on until it finally works. (You might need to take a week off for this one...)
  
  
• Purchase a cheap fax machine at a garage sale and take a baseball bat to it to work out some of the stress.
  
  
• Attempt to do some basic math problems to remind yourself just how clueless technology has made us all.
  
  
• Visit a nearby Amish community and be grateful that you don't live in a world that requires butter churning, horse poo shoveling, and scraggly bread growing...
  
  
• And lastly, if all else fails – get outside and enjoy the autumn.

Coq au Vin

COQ AU VIN

Translated to mean “a rooster in wine” this recipe for Coq au Vin is a French specialty that your family is going to ask you to prepare again and again.

Serves 4 to 6

2	tablespoons olive oil
4	chicken legs, divided into thighs and drumsticks, patted dry
	Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1	medium yellow onion, peeled and chopped
1	large carrot, peeled and chopped
2	ribs celery, chopped
12	ounces white button mushrooms, halved
8	ounces pearl onions, peeled
12	cloves garlic, peeled and minced
2	tablespoons all-purpose flour
2	tablespoons tomato paste
3	cups homemade chicken stock, or low-sodium canned chicken broth
1	bottle (750 mL) dry red wine, such as Pinot Noir
2	sprigs of fresh thyme, leaves picked
3	tablespoons fresh parsley, chopped, plus more for garnish
4	ounces bacon, cooked and coarsely chopped, for garnish

In a stock pot or Dutch oven, warm 1 tablespoon of the oil over medium-high heat until hot, but not smoking. Season all sides of the chicken with salt and black pepper. Arrange half of the chicken in the pot, and cook until deeply golden brown on all sides, 5 to 8 minutes per side. Remove the chicken from the pot and set aside. Repeat this step with the remaining 1tablespoon of oil and the other half of the chicken.

Return the pot to the heat and toss in the chopped onion, carrot, celery, mushrooms, and pearl onions. Cook over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally, until well browned, about 5 minutes. Stir in the garlic, flour, and tomato paste, followed by the chicken stock. Deglaze the pot by using a spoon to scrape up any browned bits that are stuck to the bottom.

Return the chicken to the pot, and add in the wine, thyme, and parsley. Cover and simmer until the chicken is tender and the liquid has reduced to a thick sauce, 1 to 1½ hour(s). Then, remove from the heat and garnish with a sprinkling of fresh parsley and cooked bacon.

Halloween Decorating 101

With just under one month until Halloween, I thought that I would take a moment today to provide you with a few fun Halloween decorating ideas.

• Don't feel like buying an expensive bag of fake spider webbing? Don't worry about it. Simply stop by the thrift store and purchase a cheap, ugly throw pillow, stuffed animal, or comforter. Then, rip the stuffing out and hang it up around the house like spider webs.
  
  
• Many of your Christmas decorations can be repurposed for use during the Halloween season. For example, with a a small ragged cape, some red face paint, and a couple of strategically placed costume horns that animatronic Santa Claus can easily be transformed into a festive Satan Claus.
  
  
• Are you a fan of those inflatable lawn ornaments, but don't want to spend the money on such an expensive decoration? Simply inflate three large white trash bags and stack them like a snowman. Once a scary face is drawn on the top bag you have yourself an affordable inflatable lawn ghost that will last until Halloween. (Or at least until the garbage collectors stop by...)
  
  
• And since it is still too early to be carving jack-o-lanterns, why not draw festive jack-o-lantern faces on several basketballs and arrange them on your front porch. They will add a festive touch to your front stoop without going all moldy like most pumpkins.

I hope these ideas help. And have fun decorating!

Columbus Day How-To

With Columbus Day just around the corner, you might be wondering what you should do with yourself this long weekend. Well, don't worry, I'm here to help with a few suggestions that will not only keep you busy, but also provide for a bit of holiday fun.

• Nothing else says “Happy Columbus Day!” more than a Columbus-themed pumpkin regatta. Simply carve out three giant pumpkins and go canoeing in them. Just remember to put the fat kids in the Santa Maria pumpkin – that way your regatta will be historically accurate, with the big boat going down first...
  
  
• If you are looking for Columbus Day party favors to give away, be sure to give authentic gifts (just like the ones Columbus exchanged with the natives). Beads... parrots... and the Bubonic Plague are all great Columbus Day gift ideas.
  
  
• Columbus Day is also a great time for pot luck dinners! Let's face it, Columbus was an Italian man, sailing on a Spanish ship, to the East Indies, that landed in the Caribbean – that's a pretty eclectic combination of foods, right there. So you might as well host a pot luck and see how many different cuisines you can eat all at once...
  
  
• And if all else fails, you can always roast yourself a turkey, mash some potatoes, and break out the cranberry jelly. After all, today is also Canadian Thanksgiving!

Have a great three-day weekend, everybody!

Ten Reasons to Buy My New Book

Well, if yesterday's blog posting and dead sexy cover image didn't give you reason enough to run out and purchase my new cookbook, then I suppose I'll have to offer you a few other reasons why you need this great new cookbook. So without further ado, I give you:

Ten Reasons to Buy My New Book

• It's filled with great recipes that are easy-to-prepare, delicious, and affordable.
• It has lots of pretty pictures of food – for all of those people out there who prefer to just look at food rather than eat it. (You know who I'm talking about... the don't-cooks, the don't-eats, and the food porn-ists.)
• Cookbooks make great Christma-Hanna-Kwanza-Ka gifts!
• Everyone else is buying it, and you should always succumb to peer pressure...
• It's 172 pages in length, so you can use it to fold 86 paper airplanes, cranes, or other origami sculpture.
• By purchasing several copies, you can use the stacked books as free-weights during your next workout.
• Did I mention the cover image is dead sexy?
• It's thick enough that it should help level out the short leg on that rocky table or chair.
• You get one free autograph with every purchase!
• It takes up space on your bookshelf. And let's be honest here – the more books on your bookshelf, the smarter you look!

The New Book!

Well, if you haven't heard already – I have a cookbook now in publication! Of course, it is not the big cookbook that I've been working on for the past year... No, that's still being reviewed by countless literary agents. But this new cookbook is certainly something worth celebrating.

The new cookbook is called “OpenKitchen: Annual Recipes 2011,” and it features all the recipes from my popular television cooking series. It also contains helpful tips, resource guides, and conversion charts to help making your work in the kitchen even easier. Plus, I threw in some of my... “quirky” humor to make the reading experience a little less boring.

So I hope you'll run out a buy a copy of my new cookbook. I think it really is something special.