For If You Can't Sleep...

Have you ever had one of those nights when you just can't seem to sleep? Well, I did last night. And my lack of sleep aside, I thought that today I would share with you some of my favorite insomnia cures.

• A cup of warm milk is a classic insomnia treatment that many people swear by. Unfortunately, it is a treatment that I find completely repulsive. However, despite my less-than-positive opinion of hot milk, I do find some value in this suggestion. I find that when I cannot sleep, getting out of bed and performing some mindless task can actually help. So when I can't sleep, I sometimes walk out into the kitchen and warm myself up a saucepan of milk. And though I have no intention of drinking the midnight brew, standing in front of the warm stove, swirling a pan of milk is somewhat hypnotic and can help me fall asleep.
  
  
• Counting sheep is another classic sleep-aid. But I must admit that every time I attempt to visualize a bunch of sheep for the counting, I find myself becoming preoccupied with the question – why sheep? I mean, I can understand the idea of counting something to the point of bored exhaustion, but who decided that we should all count sheep? And why? Now, I really don't have an answer for you here. In fact, the only conclusion that I have reached is that someone at one time looked at some sheep and thought – those look like giant, overstuffed pillows; let me try and sleep on one! And, of course, after countless attempts that person either became tired of attempting to sleep on the frightened sheep and either gave up to take a nap elsewhere or was knocked unconscious during a sheep stampede... Whatever the case, I find that counting something readily available is a bit more effective than counting sheep. Counting books on a bookshelf, stains on your blanket, and hairs on your knuckles are all effective sleep aids.
  
  
• And my last sleep aid is perhaps the simplest of them all – reading. Of course, don't pick up an interesting book, because that will just capture your attention. But keeping a boring book on your nightstand is a great way to lull yourself to sleep. So pick up that college psychology book, that dictionary, or that copy of “The Scarlet Letter” (or anything by Hawthorne, really...), and let the words put you to bed.

Good night.

End of Days, Part XX

As this is my twentieth installment in this series of End-of-the-Mayan-Calendar entertaining tips, I think it is a good day to remind you that party throwing is something to be enjoyed, not dreaded.  So with that thought in mind, let me offer you a few tips that should help take the stress out of your Armageddon party planning.

• When it comes to planning that perfect menu, remember - whatever you make is going to taste infinitely better than the birch bark bread and grub butter sandwiches your guests will be eating during their post-apocolyptic lives.

• If you can't find an interesting group of people to invite to your end-of-days party, don't worry.  That means there will be fewer people weighing down your ark when the world floods in a most Noah's Ark-ian manner.

• When deciding on the perfect decorations for your party, forget about all the expensive and labor-intensive decorations you find in popular magazines.  Instead, keep things simple and decorate the house with affordable, practical decorations, like Twinkie garlands and battery-operated lanterns.

• And lastly, if you don't think you'll be able to lose the weight and fit into that two-sizes-too-small party outfit you've selected, don't worry.  After the zombies rise, you'll be getting plenty of exercise running for you life.  If you don't fit into that outfit at party time, you certainly will soon after...

Kitchen Myth Busters

I recently had someone ask me why I don't pour a bit of oil into the boiling water when I'm cooking pasta. And this conversation got me thinking about all the commonly held kitchen myths. And today, I would like to debunk a few of those myths, starting with pasta water.

It is believed by some that pouring a tablespoon or so of olive oil into a boiling pot of pasta will keep the pasta from sticking together. And though it is true that oil does keep pasta from sticking together, one tablespoon is hardly enough to de-stick-ify an entire pound of pasta. In fact, to truly achieve this goal you would have to float a rather thick layer of oil over the top of the boiling water – a dangerous concept to say the least – as most middle school science students can tell you that oil and water do not mix. Let's be serious here - many a kitchen fire starts with an inexperienced cook trying to mix those polarized water molecules with those neutral oil molecules. So if you're worried about your pasta clumping together, do as I do – drain the cooked pasta first, and then toss it with some olive oil before serving.

Then, there is the myth that fish is done cooking when it can be easily flaked with the tines of a fork. Well... that's true, the fish is done when it flakes. But the fish was also done well before it was flaking out. So the better test of a fish's doneness is to poke it with a knife. If the fish is firm and opaque all the way through, it is done. And when cooking fish, the rule of thumb is: a 1-inch thick piece of fish takes between 8 and 10 minutes to cook.

And when it comes to old wive's tales, one of my person favorites is: if you sear a piece of meat, it will seal in the juices. And this is simply not true. You sear a piece of meat to enhance it's color, texture, and flavor. You don't sear it to seal in the juices. And if you don't believe me, think of it this way – if you get a sunburn, you still sweat. And the case does not change for a piece of beef. When you cook the outside of a steak, the juices still run out of it just as easily.

So I hope that helps clarify a few points of contention in the kitchen. Of course, cooking is in many respects a subjective art. So if you believe in one of these kitchen myths, don't let me stop you from believing. I suppose in the end we all enjoy a bit of harmless superstition.

Spring Pasta with Broiled Chicken

OPEN KITCHEN with NATHAN SCOTT

Spring Pasta with Broiled Chicken

The sauce for this pasta dish is nothing more than fresh goat cheese.  Can’t get much easier than that!

Ingredients

            Serves 4 to 6

	3	tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for greasing
	2	teaspoons freshly-squeezed lemon juice
	1	tablespoon fresh chives, finely chopped, plus more for garnish
	8	cloves garlic, peeled and minced
	1½	pounds (about 4 to 6) chicken cutlets
		Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
	1	pound dry penne, or other short pasta
	1	pound asparagus, trimmed and cut on a bias into 1-inch pieces
	8	ounces fresh or frozen peas
	½	small red onion, peeled and thinly sliced
	5	ounces fresh goat cheese, room temperature

Directions

1.    In a nonreactive container, whisk 2 tablespoons of the oil together with the lemon juice, chives, and 2 cloves of garlic.  Place the chicken in the container, coating the cutlets in the marinade. Cover and marinate in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes, better 1 to 2 hours.

2.    Preheat the broiler, and place the oven rack in the upper third of the oven.  Remove the chicken from the marinade, and arrange the cutlets on a lightly greased baking sheet.  Season the cutlets well with salt and black pepper, and then broil until browned and cooked through, 3 to 4 minutes per side.  Remove the chicken and rest for 5 minutes before slicing.

3.    Meanwhile, bring a large pot of salted water to a boil.  Following the package instructions, cook the pasta in the boiling water.  During the last 5 minutes of cooking, add the asparagus and peas to the pot.  Continue to cook until the pasta is al dente and the vegetables are tender.  Remove from the heat and drain, reserving 1 cup of the cooking liquid. 

4.    In a large skillet set over medium heat, sweat the onion and remaining 6 cloves of garlic in 1 tablespoon of olive oil until tender.  Remove from the heat, and add the drained pasta and vegetables to the skillet, along with the goat cheese.  Stir well, allowing the cheese to melt and coat the pasta.  If necessary, add some of the reserved cooking liquid to thin the cheese sauce.  Season to taste with salt and black pepper.  Spoon the finished pasta into serving bowls, top with the sliced chicken, and garnish with a sprinkling of freshly chopped chives.

College Food

The other day, I had this young college student come up to me in the grocery store. He said that he had just finished his first year of college and would be spending the summer renting an apartment with a few buddies. (A common college experience for most people.) Well anyway, he said that the situation was a bit... concerning. Though he was quite excited to be living with his buddies, he was a bit intimidated by the food situation. Let's be honest here, we all rather enjoy the luxury of having a parent or college cafeteria lady prepare all our meals day after day. But when striking out on our own for the first time, the thought of cooking every meal can be a bit intimidating. So today, I'll share with you the same advice I gave him. It's really pretty basic stuff, but I think it should help.

First, stay away from the junk food. Sure that bag of cheese puffs and those tubs of chocolate pudding might look appetizing, but let's be honest here – they're unhealthy, they're expensive, and they're really not much of a time saver. So steer clear of the junk food aisles at the grocery store. Instead, spend more time in the freezer section. Frozen fruits and vegetables are a quick, healthy, and affordable start to any meal. Plus, most frozen vegetables are already sliced and diced for you - so you don't have to work. And they are frozen at the peak of freshness - so you don't need to learn what characteristics separate a the eggplants from the bad...

Second, when you cook, cook BIG. One giant lasagna can easily feed four hungry college men for a couple of days. So ask your parents for recipes that feed a crowd. Or stop by the bookstore and invest in a cheap entertaining cookbook that teaches you delicious recipes that feed a crowd. That way you can enjoy a hot meal every night of the week, and yet only spend one evening in the kitchen.

And third, buy in bulk. Not only is it cheaper, but hey – you're a college kid! That 5-gallon pail of mayonnaise will not only dress your sandwiches for the next few months, but it can also be repurposed to serve as a hair conditioner, a sunburn treatment, and an adhesive remover that can then be used to peel off those stuck-on bumper stickers. It's win, win!

I hope these tips help. And good luck to all the college students out there who are heading into their first summer on their own.

End of Days, Part XIX

As we near the end of the Mayan Calendar, is it quite likely that one or more of your friends will be inviting you to their pre-Apocalypse party.  So in an effort to help you select the perfect host/hostess gift to give your friend, allow me to offer you a few suggestions.

• A brain-shaped Jell-O mold - you can never have enough brain-shaped Jell-O when the zombies start to rise.
• Several floating pool noodles - they'll help keep your host's head above water should the world flood in a most Noah's Ark-ian manner.
• A basket of Twinkies - they'll last forever, making them the perfect Apocalypse food!
• A subscription to the duct tape of the month club - can't have too much duct tape.
• A Klingon-to-English translation dictionary - for when the aliens land.
• A 5 gallon bucket filed with sunscreen - it'll keep your host's skin nice a protected when the sun explodes.

Ten Conversation Starters

Have you ever had one of those awkward dinner dates? You know what I mean – those evenings out that are plagued by uncomfortable silences, less-than-entertaining anecdotes, and profuse sweating? Well if you have, there's no need to worry about such things anymore. Today, I'll share with you some of my favorite conversation starters. Of course, which conversation starter you choose to employ does depend upon the person you're with. But I think this list provides a decent enough array of conversation topics that you should be able to find something to work for you.

10 Conversation Starters

(ask as needed to get the conversation going)

• If a tree falls on a gopher, does the gopher make a sound?
• How did your parole hearing go?
• What animal do you believe has the worst breath?
• If you were trapped on an island, would you still floss your teeth?
• Did your parents ever have children?
• If you worked at a circus, what job would you have?
• Why do pajamas have pockets?
• What song do you sing in the shower?
• If you stay up until the wee hours of the morning and then have a drink before bed, is it still considered a nightcap?
• What's the weirdest thing to ever happen to you during a colonoscopy?

The Fix for Offended Dinner Guests

I think we've all been in this situation before: you're hosting a great dinner party and everything is going perfectly, but then Uncle Larry shows up and offends half of the dinner guests with his foot fungus and apply jelly story... Well don't worry. Regardless of how uncomfortable your dinner guests may now feel, you can still save the remainder of your evening. Simply review the tips that I've provided below, and select which option is best for you.

• Immediately change the subject to a topic that everyone will appreciate. I would suggest starting a conversation on such topics as: bacon; why Rhode Island is named in such a manner (it's neither a road nor an island...); and which of your children you would most likely sell to the circus...
  
  
• Bring a small creature into the room. Let's be honest here, nobody can stay upset when there is a puppy, kitten, baby, or piglet in the room. And if you don't have a puppy, kitten, baby, or piglet to bring into the room, then run across the street and borrow the neighbor's for a moment.
  
  
• Yell out the words, “change places!” And then play an impromptu game of musical chairs. With any luck your dinner guests will have too much fun in the commotion to remember the awkward conversation.
  
  
• Serve something with bacon. Nobody can stay angry when there's bacon to be eaten.
  
  
• And if all else fails, sniff the air and ask “Is something burning?” Then, rush out of the room and don't return until your dinner guests have either resolved their differences or left.  

Shrimp Jambalaya

OPEN KITCHEN with NATHAN SCOTT

Shrimp Jambalaya

Andouille sausage is traditionally used in Jambalaya, but if Andouille is too spicy for your taste - try substituting in some Kielbasa instead.

Ingredients

            Serves 4 to 6

	8	ounces Andouille or Kielbasa sausage, cut on the diagonal into ¼-inch slices
	1	tablespoon olive oil
	1	large yellow onion, peeled and finely chopped
	1	large green bell pepper, trimmed, ribs and seeds removed, and finely chopped
	4	stalks celery, finely chopped
	8	cloves garlic, peeled and minced
	1	tablespoon of each dried oregano, ground thyme, and paprika
	2	bay leaves
	2	cups homemade chicken stock, or low-sodium canned chicken broth
	1	can (15 ounces) diced tomatoes in juice
	1	cup long-grain white rice
		Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
		Hot sauce (optional)
	1	pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined
	1	scallion, thinly sliced, for garnish

Directions

1.    Combine the sausage and olive oil in a large stockpot.  Place the pot over medium heat and cook, stirring occasionally, until the sausage has browned lightly, 3 to 5 minutes.  Then, with a slotted spoon, remove the sausage and set aside.

2.    Return the stockpot to the heat and add in the onion, bell pepper, and celery.  Cook, stirring often, until the vegetables are tender and the onion is translucent, 4 to 6 minutes.  Stir in the garlic, oregano, thyme, paprika, and bay leaves.  Cook an additional minute.  Then, add in the chicken stock, diced tomatoes in juice, and white rice.  Season to taste with salt, black pepper, and hot sauce (if using).  Bring to a simmer.  Then, cover and continue to simmer until the rice is tender, about 20 minutes.

3.    Uncover the pot, and stir in the shrimp and reserved sausage.  Continue to simmer until the shrimp are cooked through, 2 to 3 more minutes.  Season the Jambalaya to taste with additional salt and black pepper, as needed.  Remove the finished Jambalaya from the heat and discard the bay leaves.  Garnish with a sprinkling of freshly sliced scallion and serve with additional hot sauce.

The Landscaper's Picnic

Well, it appears that the time has finally come to start mowing the lawn. And I will admit, I'm one of those odd people who actually enjoys mowing the lawn. But then again, I suppose that statement should come as no surprise to you, my fair reader. Let's be honest here, if you haven't already thought, “Wow, this Nathan guy is kind of odd...” then you haven't been paying close enough attention... But all that aside, I do believe there is something relaxing about riding about the lawn, soaking up the sunshine. In fact, the only thing that I can think of that might improve upon the experience is a delicious snack to eat while mowing. So, today I will share with you some of my favorite lawn mowing snack ideas.

• As with all summertime activities, a triple-scooped ice cream cone topped with hot fudge and peanuts is the perfect lawn mowing treat. Just be certain not to play music while mowing the lawn. Let's be honest here – if you have both music playing and ice cream, the neighborhood kids are just going to mistake you for an ice cream truck...
  
  
• A grilled ham and cheese is a great lawn mowing snack. And to make it a complete meal, try layering some barbecue potato chips between the layers of ham and cheese. The chips make for a crunchy and delicious complement to the simple sandwich.
  
  
• Nachos are an excellent lawn mowing treat. And if you duct tape the dish of nachos to the hood of your riding lawn mower, the heat given off from the engine should keep the nacho cheese sauce nice and hot.
  
  
• If you get thirsty while you're outside mowing, try filling that beer helmet with a couple cans of your favorite soda, Gatorade, or fresh pea soup.
  
  
• And for those of you who might be looking for a healthier alternative, try a push mower...

End of Days, Part XVIII

When planning your End-of-the-Mayan-Calendar Party, it is a good idea to stop and think for a moment about how you'll be entertaining your guests.  After all, this might very well be the last party you'll ever host.  So, it is a good idea to stop and think about some fun party games that will keep your dinner guests amused long into the night.  And in an effort to help you choose the perfect party games to play, allow me to offer a few fun suggestions:

• Zombie Pinata - they'll be coming for your brain, you might as well go after their's too...
• Strip Poker - if the sun explodes, you won't need the clothes anyway.
• Hide and Seek: Bomb Shelter Edition - if you have it, why not hide there?
• Marco Polo - if the ice caps melt and the world floods, you might as well take advantage of the situation...
• Pin the Probe on the Alien - before they do it to you!

The Boring Day at Work

Are you having a boring day at work today? Well don't worry, I have a couple of ideas that might just help spice up your boring Wednesday.

• Throw a birthday party! Simply stop by the HR department and find out if someone is celebrating a birthday today. Then, buy a cake at the local bakery and celebrate the birthday boy's/girl's big day. And if nobody is celebrating a birthday today... Well... don't let that stop you. Let's be honest here - it's Wednesday, everyone is pretty much dying for an excuse to not work. So stop by the bakery, buy a cake, and have them write “Happy Birthday Ted!” on the top. And if anyone asks, “Who is Ted?” simply point to the crowd and say, “You know... Ted...”
  
  
• Go into the storage closet and weave all the paperclips together. Then, sit back and watch as all your coworkers wrestle with the giant strand of paperclips. It's a simple prank that can really provide for hours of entertainment.
  
  
• Instigate an impromptu dance party. Not only will everyone be up and getting exercise, but it's also an opportunity to get close to Cheryl in Accounting. (Or Gary in Receiving should that be your preference...)
  
  
• Redecorate your cubicle. You would be surprised how much a strand of Christmas lights and a mini chocolate fountain will brighten your day.
  
  
• And if all else fails, sit down at your computer and Google random words and phrases until the end of the day. (Some of my favorite search words/phrases are: Donald Trump's hair, why doesn't Donald Duck wear pants, why is my computer so slow, and bacon.)

I hope that helps. And have a great day!

Road Trip!

As the temperature rises, we are swiftly approaching the road trip season. And like most 20-somethings, I find the thought of jumping into a car with a bunch of friends and driving aimlessly across the country to be quite appealing. And yet with gas prices as they are, I think it is safe to say that fewer and fewer people will be taking very many road trips this summer. However, if you are like me and still wish to spend at least some time on the open road, then read on as I share some of my favorite road trip tips.

• The first rule of road tripping is – no drinking and driving, no texting and driving, no eating and driving, no nothing and driving. I don't mean to sound like your mother here, but when you do that stuff, you endanger everyone on the road.
  
  
• Second, always pack a hibachi grill. Let's face it, the best part of road tripping is tailgating! (“Tailgating” as in cooking out of the back of your vehicle, and not as in driving so close to the point of rear-ending someone). So pack that grill in there with everything else and fire her up every chance you get. Well... ok... perhaps not every chance you get. Somehow I don't think it would be a wise idea to barbeque a couple racks of ribs while tearing down the highway at 90 miles an hour...
  
  
• If one of your road trip mates happens to be a bit on the flatulent side of things (be it proudly or otherwise), insist that that person sit in the back seat. This will prevent the driver from becoming distracted by the foul stench of fermenting pizza and tacos. Plus, if you have electric windows, the driver will easily be able to open the rear windows to air the place out, whether the farter likes it or not.
  
  
• Bring along a map. Eventually, you are going to have to turn around and go back home. So be certain that someone is recording your route on a map. This will enable you to easily find your way back when your vacation ends. (Or when you get so sick of your road trip mates that you can't take it anymore and head back home in silence – which is probably the more likely scenario...)
  
  
• And lastly, enjoy the ride. The goal of road tripping is not the destination, but rather the journey. So take your time, stop off to see that World's Biggest (insert silly object here), take lots of photos, and have some fun.

I hope you find these tips helpful as you head out onto the open road. Oh, and one last thing to keep in mind as you're road tripping across the country – never EVER sit down on a truck stop toilet seat!

Strawberry-Rhubarb Shortcakes

OPEN KITCHEN with NATHAN SCOTT

Strawberry-Rhubarb Shortcakes

If rhubarb is not available, try substituting in fresh blueberries, raspberries, and/or blackberries.

Ingredients

            Makes 12 shortcakes

	4	cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting
	2	tablespoons baking powder
	1	teaspoon kosher salt
	¾	cup granulated sugar
	1	lemon, finely zested and juiced
	2	teaspoons fresh mint leaves, finely chopped, plus more for garnish
	1	stick, plus 1 tablespoon, unsalted butter, chilled and cut into chunks
	1½	cups milk, plus more for brushing
		Coarse sanding sugar, for garnish
	1	pound rhubarb, trimmed and cut into ½-inch chunks
	1	tablespoon cornstarch
	1	pound fresh strawberries, hulled and quartered
	2	cups heavy cream, whipped to stiff peaks (sweetened, as desired)

Directions

1.    Preheat the oven to 475°F.  Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and set aside.  Into a mixing bowl, sift the flour, baking powder, and salt together with ¼ cup granulated sugar.  Stir in the lemon zest and mint.  Then, with a pastry cutter or your fingers, cut the butter into the flour mixture until it resembles coarse meal.  Stir in the milk. 

2.    Transfer the dough to a lightly floured work surface, and knead just enough for the dough to come together.  Roll the dough out to a ¾-inch thickness and cut into 12 biscuits with a 2½-inch round biscuit cutter (you may need to reroll scraps to get all 12 biscuits).  Arrange the biscuits snuggly together on the prepared baking sheet.  Brush the biscuits with milk and sprinkle with sanding sugar.  Bake the biscuits in the preheated oven until golden, about 10 minutes.  Then, turn the oven off, and allow the biscuits to remain in the oven until cooked through, about 5 minutes more.  Remove and cool completely before serving.

3.    Meanwhile, in a saucepan toss together the rhubarb, cornstarch, remaining ½ cup of granulated sugar, lemon juice, and a pinch of salt.  Set over medium-high heat and bring to a boil.  Reduce to a simmer and cook, stirring often, until the rhubarb is tender, 5 to 6 minutes.  Remove from the heat and stir in the strawberries.  Set aside to cool completely.

4.    When ready to serve, split each biscuit in half.  Spoon some of the strawberry-rhubarb mixture onto each bottom half of the biscuits, dollop with whipped cream, and top with the top halves of the biscuits.  Serve immediately.