Monday, July 25, 2011

Staycation Time

Well, I'm off for a bit of a staycation this week.  So, I'll see you back here next week.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Classic Chili

CLASSIC CHILI

There's nothing quite like a delicious bowl of chili on a summer's day. And today, I'll share with you a simple and spicy recipe for Classic Chili.

Serves 6 to 8

2
dry chipotle chilies, seeds discarded and coarsely chopped
2
chipotle chilies en adobo sauce, coarsely chopped
1
quart homemade beef stock or low-sodium canned beef broth, or as needed
1
large white onion, peeled and chopped
12
cloves garlic, peeled and minced
2
tablespoons olive oil
pounds beef chuck, cut into 1-inch cubes and patted dry
2
tablespoons chili powder
2
tablespoons ground cumin
2
tablespoons dried oregano
2
teaspoons ground coriander
2
cans (15-ounces each) diced tomatoes
1
cup dried black beans, soaked overnight and drained
1
cup dried red kidney beans, soaked overnight and drained

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

Assorted toppings, such as avocado, grated Monterey Jack, and sour cream

In a blender, combine the dry chipotle chilies with the chipotle chilies en adobo sauce and 2 cups of the beef stock. Purée well, and set aside.

In a stockpot set over medium heat, cook the onion and garlic in the olive oil until soft, 4 to 5 minutes. Toss in the beef and cook, stirring occasionally, until the beef has browned on all sides. Add in the chili powder, cumin, oregano, and coriander, followed by the tomatoes. Using a wooden spoon, scrape up any bits that are stuck to the bottom of the pan.

Then, pour in the reserved stock mixture, as well as the soaked beans. (If necessary, add the remaining 2 cups of beef stock to cover.) Bring to a simmer. Partially cover the pot and continue to simmer, stirring occasionally, until the beans are soft and the beef is tender, about 2 – 2½ hours. (Add additional beef stock or water as needed to keep covered.) Season to taste with salt and black pepper, and serve with the assorted toppings.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Food for Weeding

I don't know about you, but I think there is nothing that I dread more than weeding the garden. I know it must be done, and I certainly do appreciate the look of a well manicured garden. But I just think it's such boring a chore. And so like all my boring chores, I try to find ways to incorporate food and eating into the mix - in an effort to take some of the agony out of the work. So today I'll offer you a few weeding the garden recipe ideas:

  • S'mores are a perfect weeding the garden food. Not only is it an excuse to have a campfire and burn all those weeds you so despise, but all that sugar should make you a speedy weeding machine. Well... Either that or a ADHD weeding machine...

  • A garden salad (if you're into the healthy sort of foods...) is also a good weeding the garden food choice. Should you find any wild greens, you can simply mix them into the salad and enjoy your weeds with a delightful douse of vinaigrette.

  • Corn dogs are always a good choice because you can easily eat them without removing your dirty gardening gloves.

  • A beer helmet filled with lemonade makes for a refreshing summertime sip. (And if a little vodka should find it's way into the lemonade – all that weeding becomes a lot more entertaining...)

  • And perhaps the best weeding the garden food of all time is – gummy worms. Because let's face it – all your nosy neighbors are watching you weed the garden, and you might as well give them something to talk about: “You know what I saw? I saw him eat a worm straight from his garden! That crazy hippie chef...”

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Ten Gifts for that Special Prisoner

The summertime is also a great time to visit all those incarcerated friends and family members that you never get to see. And if you are in need of a gift idea for that special prisoner, look no further than today's blog. I have a list of ten gift ideas that any prison inmate will be thrilled to receive.

Ten Gifts for that Special Prisoner

  • Two-ply toilet paper – after 50 years to life of single-ply toilet paper, that special prisoner will really appreciate the two-ply strength and softness.
  • An alibi – this is the gift that keeps on giving long after that subsequent appeal hearing.
  • Some saltwater taffy – it lasts a long time and is an effective way to get the taste of that prison slop out of one's mouth.
  • A new toothbrush – not only will this help fight plaque and gingivitis, but can be easily fashioned into a shank should the need arise.
  • A hilarious “Get Out of Jail Free” card from a Monopoly game – if they don't think this is funny, at least you'll still have the bars between you...
  • Soap on a rope – no explanation needed there...
  • Some corn dogs – because let's face it, nothing says watch your back quite like a corn dog...
  • A pet rock, named Sharon Stone – if all else fails she'll be useful in a prison riot.
  • A mattress pee cover – you think hotel mattresses are dirty...
  • A candy-filled Christmas stocking – because let's face it, that special prisoner hasn't seen a calendar in years. He/she has no clue it's not Christmas. So why not nail two birds with one stone, eh?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Beach Party

With the days getting hotter and hotter, you might be in the mood to hit the beach. So why not host a beach party? It's really quite simple... Err, well... It's quite simple in Maine. If you live in a landlocked state like... oh, let's say – Nebraska – a beach party might also involve the installation of a swimming pool, a couple of truckloads of sand, some shattered nerves, and probably the eventual purchase of a couple of plane tickets to a coastal state... But assuming that you don't live in Nebraska, a beach party is a fun and easy summer party idea. And today, I'll offer you a few tips that should make the experience even more enjoyable.

  • Don't over think the menu. It's a beach party! Sure, it might be fun to have a seven-course dinner on the beach. But unless you intend to bring a refrigerator along with you, I think it's best to stick with the basics – some sandwiches, a salad or two, and a few dozen cookies.
  • Also, keep in mind that beach parties are meant to be fun and lighthearted. So, it is the perfect time to break out that “Kiss the Cook” barbecue apron, t-shirt, or baseball cap. It is not, however, the time to break out that “Kiss the Cook” speedo...
  • Stock up on beer, ketchup, and toilet paper.
  • Hire a lifeguard. Aside from the fact that you don't want anyone to get hurt at your beach party, a lifeguard makes a great beach party decoration! Especially when that lifeguard looks like someone from the cast of “Baywatch,” if you know what I mean...
  • And lastly, DON'T FORGET THE SUNSCREEN! Trust me – if you've ever thought that a leg of lamb smells a little funky when it's overcooked, try sitting next to all 300-pounds of sunburnt Uncle Larry the next time you're driving the 30 minutes home from the beach... DON'T FORGET THE SUNSCREEN!

Monday, July 18, 2011

Wedding Planning, Part XII

Taking a day off once in a while is perhaps the most important step of the entire wedding planning process. Let's be honest here, if you don't take a day off every now and again, you might very well end up developing some sort of wedding-induced neurosis. (Or worse – you might just become a wedding planner...) So before you become so stressed out with all this wedding business that you lose your marbles and start ranting about peach-colored table settings, caviar-encrusted ice sculptures, and fat Elvis look-a-like justices of the peace, why don't we all just take a day off? It'll give you some time to do all the other things you need to do in life, and it might just relax you enough so all those creative juices, really start to flow again.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Corn and Black Bean Quesadillas

CORN and BLACK BEAN QUESADILLAS

Whether served as an appetizer, a snack, or a vegetarian entree, this recipe for Corn and Black Bean Quesadillas is sure to please just about everyone.

Serves 4

3
large ears corn, husks and silks removed
1
tablespoon olive oil, plus more for greasing
½
small red onion, peeled and chopped
¼-1
jalapeño, seeds discarded and minced
1
can (15 ounces) black beans, rinsed and drained
2
Roma tomatoes, cored and chopped
2
cloves garlic, peeled and minced
2
tablespoons fresh cilantro, coarsely chopped
1
teaspoon ground cumin
1
tablespoon freshly squeezed lime juice, plus lime wedges for garnish

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
8
(8- to 10-inch) flour tortillas
12
ounces Monterey Jack or Cheddar cheese, shredded

Assorted garnishes, such as guacamole, salsa, and sour cream

On a cutting board, stand each cob on its end. Using a sharp knife, slice down the length of the cobs to release the kernels. Discard the cobs and reserve the corn.  


In a large skillet, heat the oil over medium-high. Add the corn kernels and cook, stirring often, until golden brown, 4 to 5 minutes. Toss in the onion and some of the jalapeño (go according to your taste here). Continue to cook, stirring often, until the onion is soft, 2 to 3 minutes. Stir in the beans, tomatoes, garlic, cilantro, cumin, and lime juice. Cook until well heated. Remove from the heat and season to taste with salt and black pepper.

Spoon some of the corn mixture onto each of the tortillas. Spread the filling out into an even layer and top with some of the shredded cheese. Fold each tortilla in half, forming 8 half-moon shaped quesadillas.

Lightly grease a skillet or grill with olive oil and warm over medium heat. Lay in the quesadillas and cook, flipping halfway through, until the cheese has melted and the tortillas are lightly toasted, 3 to 4 minutes. Remove the quesadillas and cut into wedges. Serve with the lime wedges and assorted garnishes.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Taking the Hard Out of Hard-Boiled

In the store the other day, I saw this product that claimed to “take the hassle out of hard-boiling an egg.” Right... Well, I don't know about you, but I've never had a problem with hard-boiling eggs. You put the egg in water, you boil it, and TA-DA! Now, granted, it does take a few minutes to boil. And peeling the hard-boiled egg can get a little messy. But is any of that truly difficult? Really, the only challenge is knowing when to take the egg out of the water. And even then, what's the worse thing that could happen? The egg overcooks a bit, and you end up with that ugly green patina around the yolk. Oh no! Somebody call 911, there's a green patina on my yolk! I mean, really?

Well, for some reason I picked up the package and read some of the gadget's directions. Which were fairly basic – crack egg into the gadget, screw the thing shut, and toss into a pot of boiling water to hard-boil. Basically, they're the same directions as provided above, only in this case you crack the egg open before you cook it. And it made no mention of overcooking the egg to a green patina. So it fails to even address the most challenging aspect of egg hard-boiling.

Needless to say, I didn't purchase the gadget. And to the people who created the gadget – nice try, but I think I'll be keeping my $1.50.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The Roofing Party and Other Ideas

If the recent storms have caused any damage at your house, you might be thinking, “When will I have the time to throw a dinner party this summer? I'm always too busy fixing the holes in my roof, the flood in my basement, and the hot air balloons caught in my trees?” Well, worry about that no more. Today, I'll share with you a few simple party ideas that should not only be fun, but also help you get some of those pesky home repairs finished a little faster.

  • Did a recent flash flood wash out your garden? Well, why not host a garden party? Make some snacks, dig out your garden tools, and invite some friends over for a B.Y.O.P. garden party. (B.Y.O.P., of course, standing for Bring Your Own Plants.) Just be certain not to invite any of your more... colorful friends. They might interpret the B.Y.O.P. acronym on the invitation as meaning – Bring Your Own Pot. And then you'll have a garden filled with what may or may not be illicit “herbs.”

  • Did the strong winds blow a few shingles off your roof? Then, I suggest you invite some friends for a leisurely hike up Mount MyRoof. All you need is a picnic lunch, a square of shingles, and you're off to the summit of Mount MyRoof – replacing broken shingles all along the way.

  • Has your basement taken on a little water? Well, I should say that solution is simple enough – host a pool party! Gather up the neighborhood kids and send them into the basement with every sump pump, mop, bucket, and SpongeBob you can find. In no time at all, that water will be out of there. Just be prepared - the mess in the basement will most likely be a great deal worse after the kids are played out...

  • Did a couple of lightening bolts knock down a nearby tree? To me that sounds like the perfect opportunity to host a caveman-themed bonfire. After all, that is how most caveman bonfires started... So string a few steaks on a stick to roast over the flaming tree, invite the neighbors over, and enjoy the authentic caveman meal.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A Rainy Summer's Day

Since it has rained pretty much everyday this summer, I thought I would revisit a topic I covered a few weeks ago – entertaining the children over summer vacation. My earlier suggestions focused mainly on getting the kiddies outside to enjoy the sunshine and maybe even exercise a bit (not to mention get them out of your hair for a couple hours each day). But since Mother Nature seems rather intent upon drowning us with storm after storm, I thought that today I would take a moment to provide you with a few foul-weather activities that should keep the children entertained.

  • Let the kids paint their bedrooms. Sure there is always the risk that they will decide to paint the rooms some terrible shade of puke green, but the way I figure it – the kids are up, they're moving around, and their rooms are getting a fresh coat of paint (be it puke green or otherwise). Plus, in most cases it doesn't matter what color they choose – their rooms are often so messy that nobody can even see the color of the walls beneath the piles of dirty clothes, unmade bedding, and action figures that for some reason are hanging from the ceiling fan...

  • Teach the children how to use a carpet shampooer. Granted, no child is ever going to voluntarily shampoo all the carpets in your house. But there is something about squirting the soapy water all over the floors and watching the machine suck up all that dirty liquid that fascinates children (even if it is just for a short while). So in the end, children are entertained and some of your floors get cleaned. It's win, win!

  • Dig out one of the ol' board games and encourage the children to play a game together. Or better yet, dig out all the ol' board games and encourage the children to jumble them together into one creative, albeit convoluted, super board game that could them be patented and sold to one of the big board game companies. You'll make a killing!

  • And if all else fails, buy the kids a waterproof tent and send them outside to enjoy their summer vacation regardless of how much rain is falling.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Wedding Planning, Part XI

I think this goes without saying, but in case it does not – it wouldn't be a wedding without the fancy dress. And though I am male and have never, nor will ever, need to purchase a wedding dress for myself, I do believe I can offer a bit of advice as a third-party observer. So here goes – my tips for purchasing the correct wedding dress. (This should be interesting...)

First, start dress shopping in your own closet. Now, that's not to say that anyone is expecting you to dig out that hideous peach-colored bridesmaid's dress with the bows and the bonnet, bleach the thing white, and call it your wedding dress. No, when I say “start shopping in your closet,” I mean - try on the dresses you already have. That way you can jot down notes about what you like and what you don't like. This will help you define exactly what you are looking for in a wedding dress, as well as help you identify any potential problems that could lead to rather embarrassing wedding day wardrobe malfunctions...

Second, consider such details as the wedding location, time of year, dress codes, and wedding theme. These factors will determine some of the other details about your dress. For example, if you're planning on a January 3rd, Hawaiian-themed wedding at your local Catholic church, you might want to forgo the grass skirt and lei. Not only will it be far too chilly outside for such a dress, but I'm pretty sure most Catholic churches frown upon sleeveless wedding dresses. And have you ever tried to find a coconut bra with sleeves before? Not easy...

And finally third, never go dress shopping alone. Take a friend or two along to provide honest feedback on all the dresses you try on. Furthermore, make sure that at least one of those friends is not one of your bridesmaid. Let's be honest here, your bridesmaids are undoubtedly a little ticked off that you're making them once again wear those hideous peach-colored bridesmaids' dresses with the bows and the bonnets. And do you really trust a couple of ticked off friends to give you honest advice about which wedding dress doesn't make your butt look big?

So I hope these tips have helped a bit. And until next week, I wish you good luck in all your wedding plans!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Peach and Blueberry Crostata

PEACH AND BLUEBERRY CROSTATA

A crostata is an Italian tart, that is baked without a pan directly on a pizza stone. And today I'll share with you my recipe for Peach and Blueberry Crostata – which very well might be one of the easiest dessert, you'll ever make.

Makes one 9-inch crostata

2
tablespoons all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting

Pastry for 1 one-crust pie, or 1 store-bought refrigerated pie crust
4
large ripe peaches, stones removed and cut into wedges
1
pint ripe blueberries, picked over

Zest of 1 lemon, plus 2 teaspoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
3
tablespoons granulated sugar
¼
teaspoon ground nutmeg
pinch
kosher salt
1
tablespoon unsalted butter, cut into small cubes
1
large egg, beaten with 1 teaspoon water, for egg wash
2
tablespoons sanding sugar, for garnish

Vanilla ice cream, for garnish

Preheat the oven to 375ºF. On a lightly floured surface, roll out the pie crust to a 13-inch round. Transfer the pie crust to a 14-inch pizza baking stone or a parchment-lined baking sheet. Set aside.


In a large mixing bowl, combine the peaches, blueberries, lemon zest, lemon juice, granulated sugar, and nutmeg with the 2 tablespoons of flour. Season the mixture with the salt and toss to combine. Arrange the fruit mixture in the center of the prepared pie crust, leaving a 2-inch border of crust around the fruit filling. Fold the pie crust border over the fruit filling, creating a free-form edge. Dot the top of the fruit filling with the butter.


Using a pastry brush, lightly brush the crust with the egg wash. Then, sprinkle the crust with the sanding sugar.


Bake the crostata in the preheated oven until the crust is golden brown and the fruit bubbles, 40 to 50 minutes. Remove the crostata from the oven and cool slightly before cutting into wedges and serving with scoops of vanilla ice cream.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

National Chocolate Day!

Happy National Chocolate Day everyone!!! And since this very well might be the greatest holiday ever conceived, I will keep today's blog posting brief. That way we may all get off the computer and celebrate everything chocolate. So without further ado, I give you:

Ten Ways to Celebrate National Chocolate Day!

  • Drizzle melted chocolate on EVERYTHING!
  • Host a chocolate and wine tasting.
  • Purchase a couple dozen boxes of chocolates and send them to your friends, family, and coworkers. Or better yet – send them all to yourself...
  • Make a batch of chocolate-dipped strawberry-stuffed brownies with hot fudge sauce and chocolate ice cream.
  • Convert your bathtub into the world's largest chocolate fondue pot.
  • Fashion yourself an edible chocolate necklace, necktie, or pair of boxer shorts.
  • Dye several blobs of white chocolate with different shades of food coloring. Then, use the chocolate “paint” to create a beautiful piece of edible art.
  • Melt some cocoa butter and use as a delicious massage oil.
  • Construct a chocolate gingerbread house.
  • Combine chocolate and bacon in any manner for one of the most surprisingly delicious flavor combinations ever.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Gym Food

Have you ever been working out at the gym and thought, “Man, I could really go for a cheeseburger right now!” Well, if you haven't I suspect that you're either vegetarian, Hindu, or lying about exercising at the gym. So for all you people out there (like me) who do dream about eating on the treadmill, I'll offer you a few culinary suggestions that should make your workout much more enjoyable.

  • Most foods that can be eaten with one's hands, such as hotdogs, pizza, and sloppy joes, are great to eat on the treadmill. But I do recommend avoiding eating bananas. A dropped banana peel can become a very slippery treadmill hazard...

  • Pushups are a great opportunity for apple bobbing - especially, if those apples are first dipped in caramel...

  • Doughnuts are a great way to encourage yourself to do more situps. Simply string a doughnut up over a workout mat and start doing situps underneath. You'd be amazed how many more situps you can do when the reward is another bite of everyone's favorite deep-fried breakfast treat.

  • Who needs a set of free weights, when a 25-pound wheel of Parmesan will accomplish the same goal while providing a tasty mid-rep reward?

  • And riding that stationary exercise bike is a great chance to try out that new chocolate fountain you bought. Not only can the fountain be easily positioned next to the bike, but the sound of the running chocolate will make you feel like you are biking along a babbling brook - rather than going nowhere, fast.

I hope these ideas help make your gym experience a little more pleasant. And if anyone gives you a hard time about eating while you exercise, simply remind that person that eating on the treadmill is much healthier than eating on the sofa...

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Wedding Planning, Part X

It wouldn't be much of a wedding without some flowers sprinkled about. (Unless of course, you're going with a true-to-reality winter wasteland-themed wedding – in which case a bouquet of flowerless twigs and some form of snowball topiary might be called for... but I digress.) Selecting which flowers to use at the wedding is one of the trickier tasks that the happy couple must perform. Let's face it, with a seemingly infinite supply of diverse flowers being peddled by everyone from greengrocers, to florists, to eccentric ol' ladies with street corner garden carts and sandwich boards that read “Fresh Flowers from the Organic Garden Witch,” selecting which flowers to use can be... challenging at best. But don't worry. Today, I'll provide you with a few tips that should help take the stress out of picking your posies.

First, forget about all the rare, tropical, blue-dyed franken-flowers those high-end florists are so happy to sell you. Not only are they obscenely expensive, but they're shipped in from Whoknowswhere, Peru and are sure to be disappointingly wilted and/or dead at best. So stick with flowers that you are familiar with and can easily purchase from a local purveyor at an affordable price.

Second, narrow the range of possible flowers down by matching the color of the flowers to the color of your wedding theme. This is quite simple in most cases, as many colors are named after similarly-colored flowers: rose... fuchsia... daffodil... goldenrod... lavender... violet... periwinkle... Venus flytrap. I could go on. But the point is - match colors. And if you don't know what flowers come in your desired shade of puce, Google it to find out.

And finally third, go with the flowers that are in season. Aside from the fact that all of your wedding guests will be thinking that you're rather crazy for decorating your Labor Day weekend wedding with Christmas red poinsettias, it's going to cost a lot! So selecting and purchasing flowers that are in season, really is the best way to go. There will be a much larger supply of those fresh flowers, they'll make sense for the time of year, and you might just save yourself some money. It's pretty much win, win.

So I hope these tips have helped a bit. And until next week, I wish you good luck in all your wedding plans!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Blackened Salmon

BLACKENED SALMON

Normally, I would advise that you avoid charring your food. But this recipe for Blackened Salmon is made all the more delicious by searing the fish to a deep, dark black.

Serves 4

1
tablespoon smoked paprika
teaspoons garlic powder
teaspoons onion powder
1
teaspoon ground thyme
¼
teaspoon Cayenne pepper

Kosher salt and freshly ground white pepper
4
center-cut salmon fillets (6 to 8 ounces each), skin on, pin bones removed
2
tablespoon canola oil

Juice of 2 lemons, plus more cut into wedges for garnish

Preheat the oven to 400ºF. In a shallow baking dish, combine the paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, ground thyme, and Cayenne pepper. Season the mixture with salt and white pepper. Stir the spices together to combine thoroughly. Dredge the flesh-side of the salmon fillets in the spice mixture, making sure that the flesh is coated in a heavy layer of the spice mixture. Set aside.

Place a cast-iron skillet over high heat. Warm the skillet until it just begins to smoke. Then, drizzle in the canola oil. Arrange the salmon fillets, flesh-side down, in the hot skillet. Sear the salmon for 2 to 3 minutes, or until the flesh of the salmon is a deep golden brown.

Flip the salmon fillets over with a spatula and transfer the skillet to the preheated oven. Roast until the salmon is cooked through, 5 to 10 minutes – depending upon the thickness of the salmon fillets. Remove the finished salmon from the oven and transfer the fillets to a warm serving platter. Drizzle the salmon with the lemon juice. If desired, season the salmon with additional salt and white pepper. Garnish with lemon wedges and serve immediately.