A Querying Quandary

With my book proposal drafted, it is finally time to start sending out query letters to literary agencies across the country. My hope (a hope that is shared by all aspiring authors) is to attract the attention (or at the very least, the charity) of one of those well-connected literary agents. You know the type of agent I mean – that friendly person with a network of people in places both high and low. That energetic agent who is ready and able to chat up every publisher and get my cookbook, CELEBRATE: Food for Life's Special Occasions, printed. It seems like quite a straightforward process. Or at least it does at first glance. Upon closer inspection, one finds a menagerie of subtle complications that can give even the bestselling of authors a blinding headache.

What information do I include in the query letter? How do I write it – my cookbook is funny, should I write a funny query or is that unprofessional? Who do I address it to? Is this Kris Smith, Literary Agent a boy or a girl? How do I know if anyone has even read my letter? What happens if the agent likes it? What happens if he/she doesn't like it? What is an SASE? How do I send an SASE via email? (Seriously, this one literary agency expected me to send a SASE – that's a Self-Addressed, Stamped Envelope – with my email query...) And the list goes on...

Suffice it to say, this whole querying literary agents is anything but easy. And in many respects it is quite futile – the vast majority of my query letters will be answered with rejections written in choppy, incomplete sentences by overworked literary agents. (Please note that I said “overworked” literary agents. I'm sure they are very polite people, however, their hectic schedules sometimes preclude the possibility of pleasantries and proper grammar.)

But in the end, this is all just part of the process. And as I start to get wave after wave of rejection letters, I calmly remind myself that tomorrow is a new day, and every rejection letter brings me closer to that one literary agent willing to take the chance and say, “Yes, I will represent your cookbook.”