Did you know that September 8th is National Pardon Me Day? Well, it is, and has been since September 8th, 1974. Which if you remember back to high school history class that was the day President Ford pardoned President Nixon. (But then again, I don't really expect you to remember such details. To be honest, most of my high school memories revolve around my desire to grow a beard and some rather awkward pep band moments.)
Regardless of the history behind today's holiday, it is a day to say pardon me for all the inappropriate things you have done &/or will be doing. And since for many of us that list of indiscretions is despairingly long (and I mean - shaving the cat and dabbing Tabasco Sauce on your younger brother's lips while he slept - long), I composed a simple and straightforward greeting card that should suffice.
All you need to do is purchase a blank greeting card (or cards, depending upon your level of guilt), inscribe the simple message provided below, and hand deliver it to all those you have wronged this year.
Pardon Me
Oh, pardon me for impaling you that one time with my car key.
Pardon me for feeding my pet goat your favorite fig tree.
Pardon me for passing gas at your daughter's birthday party.
Oh pardon me, pardon me.
Oh, pardon me for kicking you in the back of your bad knee.
Pardon me for comparing your voice to that of a banshee.
Pardon me for that time at your aunt's funeral when I yelled out whoopee!
Oh pardon me, pardon me.
Oh, pardon me for that time I burnt down your Christmas tree.
Pardon me for serving you that steaming cup of mustard tee.
Pardon me for laughing when you got stung by that killer bee.
Oh pardon me, pardon me, pardon me.
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