The No-Gift Birthday Gift

Is there someone in your life who hates to receive birthday gifts? A person who, for some odd reason, vehemently dislikes the idea of anyone purchasing a special gift in celebration of his/her life? Well, I think we all have someone like that in our lives. And it sure does make birthday gift shopping a great inconvenience, now doesn't it? I mean - how dare they be so selfish. Why not just make a wish list like the rest of us and hand it out like Halloween candy? So inconsiderate... Well anyway... my rantings aside - if you are currently attempting to purchase a birthday gift for just such a person and are having no luck, allow me to suggest one of the following “no-gift” ideas. They're gifts, but that birthday boy/girl will never know it...

• Donate some money to some charity and simply put the donation in the birthday boy's/girl's name. (This has become the classic gift of choice for such stubborn birthday boys/girls.)
  
  
• Purchase a magazine subscription for the birthday boy/girl. Chances are the first issue of the magazine won't arrive until well after the birthday party. And when it does finally arrive, he/she will have long since forgotten that it was a birthday gift and just enjoy the magazine.
• Enroll the birthday boy/girl in the mustard of the month club. Who is really going to complain about getting a jar of mustard once a month?
  
  
• Give him/her an open bottle of alcohol. (Open because if he/she needs to open the bottle, it will seem like you intentionally went to the liquor store to purchase a birthday gift. Whereas we want it to appear like you simply rifled under your kitchen sink for some booze to bring to the BYOB birthday party...)
  
  
• And finally, if all else fails, stop by the local novelty shop and pick up a pile of fake dog poo. That way if you do get around to the gift giving, the birthday boy/girl simply laughs at your gag gift and moves on. And if you don't get around to exchanging gifts, you can simply drop the poo pile on the floor and get the boring birthday party over with already.