Five Excuses for Calling In

Was the three-day weekend just a little too relaxing? Are you now finding it difficult to drag yourself out of bed and get back to work? Well don't worry, because today I have five fool-proof excuses that should get you another day off.

Five Excuses for Calling In*

• At this weekend's family reunion, you discovered why your five-year-old nephew is nicknamed Itchy. And now you need to go get some lice shampoo...
  
  
• You need to take your ant farm to the vet today because it has worms.
  
  
• You hosted your annual Labor Day chili, baked bean, and cabbage tasting party yesterday, and the “side effects” are still in effect today...
  
  
• You just discovered that all of your clothes are white, and you have nothing to wear now that it is after Labor Day.
  
  
• Your car was stolen, converted into a mermaid-shaped parade float, and driven down Main Street during that annual Labor Day parade. And now you have to track down the thief, scrape off the flowers, streamers, and coconut shells, and vacuum the sand out of the trunk before you can drive the car to work.

*Not intended for long-term use. Speak to your doctor, spouse, and accountant before beginning this or any other kind of slack-off program. Possible side effects include: euphoria, weight gain, drowsiness, reality TV watching, HSN credit card charges, sofa butt, hair growth, drop foot, and job loss.