Getting Back on Track

Thanksgiving is without a doubt a time for culinary excess. There's the giant turkey, the dense stuffing, the thick gravy - not to mention all the deliciously starchy side dishes that can reduce even the most staunch of Atkins dieters to ravenous carbo-binging pigs bent on potato domination. Let's be honest here, Thanksgiving just wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a mound of food to tempt your taste buds and challenge your waistline. In fact, I would go so far as to say that if you didn't fall into a post-holiday, tryptophan-induced food coma, you didn't celebrate Thanksgiving hard enough.

But if all that excessive food has you feeling a bit... irregular, you're in luck. Today, I'll be sharing a few tips and techniques to help ease the post-Thanksgiving gastrointestinal distress, and get you back on track with that diet of yours. Err... well... I'll get you back on track until Christmas, at which point all diets inevitably end (and rightly so I should think).

So first off, let me say – Thanksgiving is a time to celebrate. So if you did overdo it with the butter, ate the entire pumpkin pie, or used bacon as a condiment – it's okay! There is no reason to berate yourself for enjoying a special occasion. What is important is to enjoy the holiday, then get back on track the next day. So if you were on the lettuce and water diet the day before Thanksgiving, you need to get back on that diet the day after. (And if you are on the lettuce and water diet, you are either a rabbit or in serious need of a registered dietitian's services.)

Now, if you are experiencing certain negative side effects as a result of your Thanksgiving Day binge (such as nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, or diarrhea) take a shot of Pepto. If you're still hungry, go to the refrigerator and make yourself a turkey sandwich – waste not, want not. And if you're experiencing side effects not related to your GI tract (such as profuse sweating, lightheadedness, chest pains, or a feeling of impending doom) go to the hospital because you're having a heart attack.

And finally, it is important to create a diet game plan for this next month. With the first of the holiday fudge due to make its appearance tomorrow, you need to think up a few ways to politely avoid the excess calories. When offered a plate of fudge, you might try saying something like - “I don't want your fudge. I'm on a diet. So get away from me you diet-busting, fat mongering harlot!” Yeah, I should think that would work. But then again it lacks that certain bit of civility that sets the holiday season apart from the rest. So perhaps a more appropriate response could be something like - “Thank you, but I don't want your fudge. I'm on a diet. So get away from me you diet-busting, fat mongering harlot!... And have a Merry Christmas.”