Thank You, Come Again... Later

I assume that if you are reading this blog, you have some interest in cooking and home entertaining. And even if you don't, I think it is at the very least safe to say that you enjoy reading about the trials and tribulations of other people who enjoy home entertaining – a sort of vicarious party-throwing experience with all the fun, and yet none of the cleanup. (Or those are the two reason I would hope you are reading this blog. Otherwise, I'm not entirely sure why you're here. Unless, of course, you are just killing time while that video game loads, that adult video buffers, or that next Windows 7 update downloads. In which case, all I have to say is – Why not throw a party? Depending upon the theme and who you invite, you can certainly play games, make your own adult videos, and keep yourself occupied while that next Windows 7 update downloads. It's win, win!)

But regardless of your opinion on home entertaining (be it positive or otherwise), we all face a similar challenge from time to time – how to tell your guests it is now time to pack up and get out. Let's be honest here, every home entertainer needs his or her quiet time. And we all have our little tricks – setting everyone's coats out in plain sight, hiding the alcohol, flicking the lights on and off until everyone scatters like cockroaches... the list goes on. But today I would like to offer a few new ideas that might help coax those longwinded guests out the door so you can get to bed at a reasonable hour.

• Turn on some slow, mellow music. This will calm your guests down and indicate that the night is winding to a close. Enya, Norah Jones, and even that A Charlie Brown Christmas album will have your guests yawning in no time.
  
  
• Turn off the television. Face it, it's been a long evening – everyone has already said everything they're going to. The TV is probably the only reason they're still sitting on your sofa.
  
  
• Discreetly pick up the glasses and put them in the dishwasher. This is a subtle indication that the bar is now closed and that all the blathering drunks should go elsewhere.
  
  
• “Accidentally” release your pet guinea pig from its cage. Chances are most of your guests will be afraid of such rodents and flee for the exits as it darts under their chairs.
  
  
• And if all else fails, tell that particularly longwinded dinner guest that his/her car is getting towed. Then, lock the door behind him/her as he/she races outside.

And now that you know how to clear a room, feel free to entertain to your heart's content, ending the party when you've had enough.