The Snoop Alarm

Why is it that dinner guests so frequently feel the compulsion to look through your bathroom cabinets? What is it that they are expecting to find? It's a bathroom cabinet. There's a tube of toothpaste, an untouched roll of floss, and that bottle of post-party antacids – the same as anyone's bathroom cabinet. Or at least I assume my bathroom cabinet is the same as everyone else's. Since I try not to make a habit of snooping through other's drawers, I don't suppose I actually know what other people keep tucked away in the far recesses of their vanity. But I can't imagine it being anything terribly shocking.

It kind of makes you want to throw something crazy in there just to freak out the nosy neighbors. You know... like one of those singing fish! I'd like to tack one of those up in the back of my bathroom cabinet. Then, when a nosy dinner guest opens the cupboard door, a giant novelty bass could suddenly bursts into song, belting out “Jingle Bell Rock” or “Monster Mash.” Or perhaps it could sing one of those little songs you teach your child as he or she begins potty training - “Tinkle, Tinkle on the pot. Then, wash your hands free of the snot.” That might actually be quite helpful should a dinner guest have a bashful bladder or have a nasty tendency to skip the requite post-potty hand washing.

It might also be quite funny to fill my little cupboard with the spices from my spice rack. I wonder what someone would say if they thought their pasta had been seasoned with bathroom basil or potty paprika? Or perhaps better yet, I could fill the cupboard with dried beans or marbles or something. Something that would make a lot of noise when it tumbles down onto the porcelain sink – rather like a bathroom snoop alarm to amuse everyone at the expense of the nosy guest.

Hmm... Well, I'll keep thinking about this. There must be some shocking thing I could place in there to deter the bathroom snoops. But then again, I suppose after reading this, most people will think twice before looking into my bathroom cabinet.