Refrigerator Refuse

The start of a new year is a great opportunity to perform that most tedious and gruesome of kitchen chores – cleaning out the fridge. Nobody likes to do it, but somebody needs to. Otherwise we all might one day open the refrigerator doors to find a moldy green amalgamation of leftover meatloaf, unused mayonnaise, and forgotten Cheese Whiz that could rival The Blob. Besides, with the start of a new year, most of us could use the extra refrigerator space to store all that health food that we've resolved to eat in this coming year.

Yet, I must admit that I find it rather difficult to just toss all that unused or otherwise unhealthy food in the trash. Call me a tree-hugging Earth biscuit if you want, but I just can't bring myself to waste food. And so today, I'll provide you with a few tips and techniques to help use up all that refrigerator refuse and begin this year right.

• I suppose the most obvious answer is to compost all that unused food into useful garden fertilizer. But then again, one does need a garden or at the very least a backyard for that option to be very applicable. (Unless of course you like the smell of decaying compost in your kitchen.)
  
  
• Got some moldy cheese? That mold is often the same as bread mold. Which means, where there's mold, there could be Penicillin! No flu shot needed this year.
  
  
• Are you an animal lover? You'd be surprised how many animals will wander into your backyard to eat that leftover fruitcake. Pigeons, squirrels, rats, and gophers all love leftover fruitcake.
  
  
• Looking for something that will entertain the kids? Then, send them outside with the half-used condiments. Squeeze bottles of ketchup, mustard, and relish make for an impromptu game of condiment fight.
  
  
• And lastly, that box of deodorizing baking soda hidden in the back of the fridge is like a fragrant album of meals past. Just give the box a good sniff and remember the leftover roasted fish, stuffed cabbages, and garlic breads of 2010. Then, take a swig of Pepto for the ensuing nausea and use the baking soda to clean and deodorize your bathroom drains over the coming year.

And now that you know what to do with all that extra unused food – get cracking. That fridge isn't going to clean itself, you know.