Terrible Congruent Night Nobody!

Happy Opposite Day everyone! Or well... I suppose in the spirit of the day I should really be wishing you something more along the lines of – Terrible Congruent Night nobody! But in the interest of expressing my point as clearly as possible, I suppose I will dispense with the traditionally confusing double talk and simply finish the remainder of this posting in earnest.

So, supposing that you wish to celebrate National Opposite Day (which got it's start back when Calvin Coolidge was president – imagine a president not saying what he means...), I've complied a brief list of possible Opposite Day activities. I'd say that all the ideas are a great source of wholesome entertainment, but it is Opposite Day after all – who wants to have fun on Opposite Day? Not me. So, here goes:

• Many holidays involve giving gifts to others. So, I suppose on Opposite Day we should all enjoy taking gifts from others? But in the interest of keeping you out of prison on charges of breaking and entering, theft, and shoplifting, I recommend that you stop by your favorite store and give (buy) a gift to yourself.
  
  
• Opposite Day is no time for a fancy dinner out – leave all that to birthdays and such. Instead, stay in and enjoy a terribly unhealthy meal of some of your favorite guilty pleasures. Canned whipped cream, raw cookie dough, and nacho cheese sans nachos all make great Opposite Day fare.
  
  
• You can also forget about spending time with family and friends. You do that most days, so on Opposite Day, go out and meet some new people in a new place – the more opposite, the better. You never know, you might discover that Miss/Mr. Right is actually a tattooed dwarf with a penchant for crayon carving.
  
  
• Of course, what is a holiday without festive attire? If you're inclined to dressing in drag I suppose this is the day for you. (But then again if you're inclined to dressing in drag, wearing the clothes more commonly associated with your gender might actually prove to be the true opposite of your ordinary day... Hmmm... That's a confusing one...) But if you're not into drag, why not try wearing your shirt backwards or your underwear on the outside of your pants?
  
  
• And don't forget to send out Opposite Day greeting cards! Simply write the address of your intended recipient in the upper left corner of the envelope. Then, make up some other address to write in the middle of the envelope (Ms. Ima Fake-Name is always a good person to address the envelope to). And finally, slap on the correct postage and return-to-sender the card “back” to whomever you want.

And now that you know the finer points of Opposite Day entertaining, go out and have a terrible time!