Needless Napkin Rings

Did you ever wonder about the guy who came up with the idea of the napkin ring? What was up with his/her napkins to merit hogtying them before dinner? Now, I'll admit that I'm not great at napkin folding (nor laundry, for that matter), but I've never felt the need to restrain my napkins beneath a turkey-shaped band of metal, like some kind of fanatically festive prisoner.

And yet today in my mailbox I got an email from a company devoted to selling everything napkin ring. In the interest of protecting the innocent, I'll keep the company's name confidential. But I think it's safe to say that the company's catalogue was quite complete. There were napkin rings shaped like ducks and geese, cows and pigs, squirrels and rats. There were napkin rings for Christmas and Hannakuah, Halloween and Memorial Day, New Years and the Fourth of July. I even saw a series of metal bands baring the most respectable insignia of the United Federation of Planets – a set that no doubt decorates the table of the great Captain Jean Luc Picard.

The email actually reminded me of John Candy's character in “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.” You know the character I mean? He played a traveling shower curtain ring salesmen. Only I suppose in the case of napkin rings, it might be more difficult to sell them to unsuspecting Asian tourists as helium-filled hoop earrings.

Well all that aside, I still remain clueless as to the need for such dining room bondage. But I will say, there was a pretty entertaining pair of Lady Gaga lobster rings that I may have ordered for this April Fools Day.