Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Getting Back on Track

Thanksgiving is without a doubt a time for culinary excess. There's the giant turkey, the dense stuffing, the thick gravy - not to mention all the deliciously starchy side dishes that can reduce even the most staunch of Atkins dieters to ravenous carbo-binging pigs bent on potato domination. Let's be honest here, Thanksgiving just wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a mound of food to tempt your taste buds and challenge your waistline. In fact, I would go so far as to say that if you didn't fall into a post-holiday, tryptophan-induced food coma, you didn't celebrate Thanksgiving hard enough.

But if all that excessive food has you feeling a bit... irregular, you're in luck. Today, I'll be sharing a few tips and techniques to help ease the post-Thanksgiving gastrointestinal distress, and get you back on track with that diet of yours. Err... well... I'll get you back on track until Christmas, at which point all diets inevitably end (and rightly so I should think).

So first off, let me say – Thanksgiving is a time to celebrate. So if you did overdo it with the butter, ate the entire pumpkin pie, or used bacon as a condiment – it's okay! There is no reason to berate yourself for enjoying a special occasion. What is important is to enjoy the holiday, then get back on track the next day. So if you were on the lettuce and water diet the day before Thanksgiving, you need to get back on that diet the day after. (And if you are on the lettuce and water diet, you are either a rabbit or in serious need of a registered dietitian's services.)

Now, if you are experiencing certain negative side effects as a result of your Thanksgiving Day binge (such as nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, or diarrhea) take a shot of Pepto. If you're still hungry, go to the refrigerator and make yourself a turkey sandwich – waste not, want not. And if you're experiencing side effects not related to your GI tract (such as profuse sweating, lightheadedness, chest pains, or a feeling of impending doom) go to the hospital because you're having a heart attack.

And finally, it is important to create a diet game plan for this next month. With the first of the holiday fudge due to make its appearance tomorrow, you need to think up a few ways to politely avoid the excess calories. When offered a plate of fudge, you might try saying something like - “I don't want your fudge. I'm on a diet. So get away from me you diet-busting, fat mongering harlot!” Yeah, I should think that would work. But then again it lacks that certain bit of civility that sets the holiday season apart from the rest. So perhaps a more appropriate response could be something like - “Thank you, but I don't want your fudge. I'm on a diet. So get away from me you diet-busting, fat mongering harlot!... And have a Merry Christmas.”

Monday, November 29, 2010

Leftover Turkey Curry

LEFTOVER TURKEY CURRY

Perhaps one of the greatest challenges for any home cook is figuring out what to do with all those holiday leftovers. Well today, I'm going to be showing you how to transform some of that leftover Thanksgiving turkey meat into a delicious and unexpected dish. I call this recipe Leftover Turkey Curry, and though some might say this dish is a little too spicy for their taste. I say that all those pungent Indian spices are a great way to mask the flavor of that turkey meat so that you can almost forget that you are eating leftovers, again...

Serves 4

1
large yellow onion, peeled and finely chopped
2
tablespoons vegetable oil
2
cloves garlic, peeled and minced
2
bay leaves
tablespoons fresh ginger, peeled and minced
1
tablespoon ground coriander
1
tablespoon ground cumin
1
tablespoon ground mustard
teaspoons ground turmeric
1
teaspoon ground cardamom
½
teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes, or to taste
3
cups homemade chicken stock, or low-sodium canned chicken broth
1
15-ounce can diced tomatoes in juice
3
Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and cut into 1-inch cubes
¼
cup dried cranberries or raisins
¼
cup blanched almonds
2
pounds leftover roasted turkey meat, torn into bite-sized chunks
½
cup plain yogurt

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

  1. In a large skillet set over low heat, combine the onions and oil. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the onions are golden brown, 10 to 15 minutes. Increase the heat to medium-high and add the garlic, bay leaves, ginger, and spices. Toast, stirring constantly, until very fragrant, about 1 minute. Add the stock, tomatoes, potatoes, cranberries, and almonds. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Cook until the potatoes are tender, 20 to 30 minutes.

  2. Add the leftover turkey meat to the simmering sauce and warm through. Remove from the heat and stir in the yogurt. Season to taste with salt and black pepper.  

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Turkey Drop and Other Dinner Disasters

As I am planning on being out of town for the remainder of this holiday week, I thought I would cover perhaps the most important Thanksgiving topic of all – the turkey. But don't worry, I'm not going to inundate you with useful tips on how to prepare the perfect roast turkey. Let's be honest here – everyone in the country who writes even the littlest bit about food and home entertaining will be covering that topic to exhaustion this week. No, I'm going to be telling you what to do when disaster strikes - what to do when, despite your best efforts, the turkey fails. So here goes.

Perhaps the classic Thanksgiving Day mistake is forgetting to thaw the frozen turkey. We've all done it – the night before Thanksgiving you wake up in a cold sweat shrieking, “I forgot to take the turkey out of the freezer!” Then, you run into the kitchen and plop the 20-pound poultry ice cube in the sink hoping it will thaw by morning (and somehow miraculously be free of disease causing pathogens after a night at room temperature).

Well, fortunately there is a faster and safer way to thaw that turkey. Submerge the turkey in a tub of cold water (water between 32°F and 40°F), and allow it to set and thaw. Change the water often (if you're doing this the night before Thanksgiving, you'll probably be foregoing sleep in the interest of thawing your turkey), and depending upon the size of the bird, it should thaw between 5 and 10 hours. Of course you can also thaw the turkey in the microwave in an even shorter amount of time – assuming it fits in your microwave. Or you can leave the frozen bird in the freezer for Christmas, and run to the store first thing in the morning and purchase a ridiculously overpriced, last-minute fresh turkey.

Another Thanksgiving Day turkey problem experienced by so many is the overcooked or burnt bird. Now the solution to an overcooked or dry turkey is simple – more gravy. But when it comes to a burnt bird a person must be a bit more creative. Of course you can always reseason the entire turkey with a cajun spice mix and some vegetable oil, pop it back into the oven to burn all over, and rename it Blackened Turkey - but that's hardly Normal Rockwell's ideal Thanksgiving Day centerpiece. In fact, most dinner guests will be left rather disappointed by the brûléed bird. So I suggest discarding the burnt skin from the bird altogether. Then, you can smear the meat with some of that browning sauce they use to make fake gravy. This will give the bird the appearance of having a beautifully browned skin (it's rather like giving your turkey one of those spray-on sunless tans that are so popular these days). Finally, you can carve up the bird in the kitchen, present it on a pretty serving platter, and nobody will be the wiser.

And with so many people running in and out of the kitchen, not to mention the abundance of food being popped in and out of the oven all day, it seems that spills are quite inevitable. And what does one do when he or she drops the turkey? Well, the solution once again is quite simple – cry. If you burst into tears all your dinner guests will feel rather obligated to honor the 5 second rule (which in the case of a searing hot 20-pound turkey could easily turn into the 5 minutes rule), and they will eat the turkey despite its brief trip to the floor just to make you stop crying.

So there are a few basic tips to help this Thanksgiving when disaster strikes. I'll be back on Monday. Until then have a safe and happy Thanksgiving!

Monday, November 22, 2010

25 Things To Do With Cranberries

Thanksgiving is without a doubt the cranberry's time to shine. So without further ado I give you 25 Things To Do With Cranberries:

  1. Make cranberry sauce
  2. Mix them into your stuffing/dressing
  3. Toss some into that loaf of pumpkin bread
  4. Squeeze your own fresh cranberry juice
  5. Hold a competition to see who can drink the most freshly-squeezed cranberry juice without adding sugar or crying
  6. Throw them like confetti to celebrate the presentation of the beautiful turkey
  7. Make napkin rings with cranberries, sturdy thread, and a needle
  8. Bob for cranberries – much like bobbing for apples, but on a smaller scale
  9. Float them on top of your wine for a festive garnish
  10. Send the small children on a Thanksgiving Day cranberry hunt
  11. Play with them like marbles
  12. Freeze them into festive ice cubes
  13. Convince the children they are valuable rubies and see which one hoards the most
  14. Fill the bathroom cabinet with them to deter cabinet snooping
  15. Dip them in chocolate and hand out like candy; then, watch the hilarious expressions of those who bite into them
  16. Use them in a festively impromptu game of paintball or I suppose in this case – cranberryball
  17. Donate the berries to the local squirrel population
  18. Squish them between your fingers for a great finger workout
  19. Fill one of those small inflatable pools with them and play wine maker, smashing the fruits beneath your feet
  20. Smash them up and use as temporary face paint/makeup
  21. Throwing handfuls of the berries at a time, play a game of fetch with your confused dog(s)
  22. Toss them down a staircase – doesn't accomplish anything useful, but it is rather entertaining to watch
  23. Make a statue of a large cranberry by gluing together many small cranberries into a giant ball
  24. Throw them at the TV should your preferred football team fail miserably
  25. Float a few of them in the toilet - just to see if anyone notices

Friday, November 19, 2010

Banana-Nut Muffins

BANANA-NUT MUFFINS

I always think it's funny when people curl their noses at recipes with the word “nut” in the title. With so many types of nuts out there, I find it hard to believe that a person could hate them all. And yet for many people the very word disgusts them into a veritable seizure of bared teeth and hawking sounds. So if you are resolutely determined to avoid any and all foods that associate with nuts, you might consider preparing these delicious muffins without nut for a wonderful breakfast treat that everyone is sure to enjoy.

Makes 1 dozen

½
cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, plus more for greasing
½
cup light-brown sugar, firmly packed
¼
cup pure maple syrup
2
large eggs, lightly beaten
½
teaspoon pure vanilla extract
cups all-purpose flour
2
teaspoons baking powder
½
teaspoon baking soda
½
teaspoon kosher salt
½
teaspoon ground cinnamon
¼
cup buttermilk
2
large bananas, peeled and cut into ½-inch pieces
½
cup pecan halves, chopped (optional)

1. Preheat the oven to 375°F. Lightly grease the top of a standard 12-cup muffin tin with butter and line with paper liners. Set aside. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream together the butter and sugar on medium speed until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. Scraping the sides of the bowl as needed, incorporate the maple syrup, eggs, and vanilla extract. Mix just until well combined.

2.  Into a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. With the mixer running on low, add the dry ingredients, followed by the buttermilk, to the batter. Mix until just combined, being careful not to overmix. Using a rubber spatula, gently fold the bananas and pecans into the batter. Divide the batter evenly among the paper-lined muffin cups.

3.  Bake in the preheated oven until the muffins are golden brown and a cake tester inserted into the center of the muffins comes out clean, 20 to 25 minutes. Remove and allow the muffins to cool in the pan for 10 minutes. Then, transfer the muffins to a wire rack and cool.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

A Few Decorating Ideas

With Thanksgiving just one week away, you might be looking around your house thinking – this place doesn't look very festive. And how could it? With most department stores paying little attention to this most honest of holidays in the interest of encouraging more Xmas binge buying, there really aren't a lot of Thanksgiving decorations available. And yet, one does want a bit of autumn ornamentation to reflect the cheer and good will of Thanksgiving. So if you are looking for a few creative Thanksgiving Day decorating ideas, feel free to peruse the suggestions provided below.

  • A cornucopia of gourds is a classic Thanksgiving decoration. But I find that here in Maine most of the gourds we grow have already begun to mold by the time Thanksgiving rolls around. If that is also the case for you, try painting apples, pears, or even some golf balls to look like festive gourds.

  • If you live in a climate (like Northern Maine) where snow on Thanksgiving is not only common, but expected, why not use some of that snow to decorate the outside of your home? Nothing says “Happy Thanksgiving” more than a festive snow turkey.

  • Halloween decorations can be repurposed into Thanksgiving Day decorations with only minor tweaking. For example, that horrific, glowing-eyed goblin that you place by the front door each Halloween, can be redressed like a mumps-ridden pilgrim with buckled hat, brown wool coat, and swollen face.
  • With Thanksgiving being mainly about food, one would think that decorating the house with roasted turkeys and cranberry sauce would be a great idea. But it turns out a turkey at room temperature (roasted or otherwise) gets to be pretty unsanitary rather quickly. So why not decorate the house with plastic food? You know what I mean – those toy roasted turkeys that you buy your children to play house with. It's festive, fun, and won't be smelling up the place the next morning when you're cleaning up.

  • And if all else fails: put up the Christmas tree, hang out the wreaths, and string up the garland because let's face it – the stores all have skipped Thanksgiving Day, and if you can't beat 'em, you might as well join 'em.

And now that you know the basics of Thanksgiving Day decorating, why not put in the extra effort and deck the halls with gourds and turkeys (fa la la la la, la la la la)? You and your family will be glad you did.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I'm Thankful For...

Though I'm not entirely convinced they did it at the first Thanksgiving, it does seem that pop culture has made it quite traditional for families to share thoughtful dinnertime stories about what makes them thankful each Thanksgiving. And whether or not your family actually circles the table taking turns at the “I'm thankful for _____” Mad Lib, I think it is a good idea to have a few thoughtful responses on standby just in case. After all, you never know when your sensitive Uncle Fiennes might suggest that everyone participate in this rising Thanksgiving Day tradition.

Fortunately for you, I've already spent some time preparing for this potential holiday challenge, and I've complied a brief list of answers you can use this Thanksgiving should the need arise. Of course, a thoughtful response that is relevant to your life and situation is preferable. But hey, if you can't come up with something thoughtful when it's your turn to fill in the “I'm thankful for” blank, use one of the options listed below, and thank me later.

  • I'm thankful for: the dishwasher that will clean up today's copious number of dirty dishes.

  • I'm thankful for: bacon (no explanation needed for this one).

  • I'm thankful for: those little packets of soy sauce you get at the Chinese restaurant - they make for surprising and special Christmas stocking stuffers.

  • I'm thankful for: my health, or perhaps more to the point – my health insurance.

  • And if all else fails, I'm thankful for: my good friends, my loving family, and that last piece of pumpkin pie that I am right now calling dibs on.

And now that you have an arsenal of thankful...ness, feel free to suggest your family honor this up-and-coming Thanksgiving Day tradition. Let's face it – it's pretty funny watching the rest of your family squirm as they try and figure out some thoughtful thing to be thankful for.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Pumpkin Puréeing and Other Thoughts

A couple of weeks ago, I posted a blog article that explained all the various reasons why a person shouldn't use a spent jack-o-lantern for a festively unsanitary post-Halloween pumpkin pie. (See article “Pumpkin Safety 101” for more details.) However, with Thanksgiving just around the corner, I thought some of you out there might be curious as to how to transform the giant gourds into a delicious pie-making purée in lieu of using one of those cans of almost ludicrously orange pie filling. (Not to imply that there is anything wrong with purchasing your pumpkin already puréed, of course. It is a time-saving ingredient that tastes just fine, despite the addition of food colorants that makes the purée a most vibrant shade of candy corn orange.)

The first step in preparing your pumpkin purée is finding the perfect pumpkin. And I know that sounds rather odd. (In fact, it sounds rather like I'm recommending you go on something of a speed date with all the pumpkins in the produce market before selecting your prefect mate.) But the simple truth of the matter is not all pumpkins are created equal. And in the case of pie-making, you will want to select small, flavorful pumpkins with little fiber and a lot of sugar – the veal of the pumpkin patch, if you will. I often use jack-be-little pumpkins or small sugar pumpkins for my pie making.

Next, wash the pumpkin well, snap off the stem, and split the pumpkins in half crosswise. Then, scoop out and discard the innards. (Of course, if you are feeling in a particularly ambitious sort of mood, the pumpkin seeds may be cleaned, seasoned, and roasted on the side for a festively seasonal snack or garnish. Waste not, want not would seem to apply here.)

Place the pumpkin halves, cut-side-down, in a roasting pan and pour over about 1 cup of water. Roast the pumpkin in a preheated 350°F oven until very tender, 60 to 90 minutes. Then, scoop the flesh out of the rind (discarding the rind – unless, of course, you enjoy a bit of roughage with your pie) and dump the mash into a food processor fitted with the steel blade attachment. Give it a good blitzing, and you'll be left with a delicious pumpkin purée that can then be cooled and used in the requisite Thanksgiving pie making.

I do remind you once again that not all pumpkins are created equal. So if your pumpkin purée seems a bit too watery, you may need to let it hang out in a jelly bag or cheese cloth-lined strainer for a while to drain off a bit of the excess water. And also the differences between individual pumpkins, as well as the various pumpkin varieties, makes it difficult to provide accurate guidelines for safely canning pumpkin purée. So, I recommend freezing your pumpkin purée if you are making it in advance.

And now that you know how to transform that pumpkin into a delicious purée, why not try it this Thanksgiving? It's a great way to put those leftover autumn decorations to good use. And it's as easy as opening a can. Well... almost as easy.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Leftover Monday

Happy November 15th everybody! Now, you're probably asking why today is of such particular importance to merit my very enthusiastic greeting. Well, today is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day. It's a day devoted to rifling through the far recesses of your fridge and rooting out all those molding jars of mustard, all those half-eaten Chinese take-out containers, and all those empty jars of pickle brine. Today is a day to make as much free refrigerator space as possible in anticipation of all those Thanksgiving Day leftovers. Today is a day for leftovers!

And so to celebrate today's special significance, I've listed a few dinner ideas below. They are just some simple ways to use up all those refrigerated odds and ends to create a special and certainly inventive dinner that everyone is sure to love.

  • When it comes to leftovers my rule of thumb is – if it can be made into a sandwich, do so. Let's be honest here, you put enough cheese and bacon to top, and nobody is going to care what else is in the sandwich.

  • Any leftover desserts you might have (as though that ever happens in my house) can be chopped up and thrown into a serving dish with some pastry cream, whipped cream, and fresh berries for an impromptu leftover trifle.

  • I believe chili powder was made for leftovers. You'd be surprised how many odds and ends you can stir into a pot of chili and have nobody be the wiser.

  • Eggs are perhaps the most tolerant of foods. No matter what you throw on top of them (be it mystery cheeses, graying guacamole, or somewhat soggy salad), a plate of scrambled eggs lends itself well to even the strangest of leftover flavors.

  • And if your fridge is at all like mine – you probably have at least a dozen half-eaten bottles of mustard hidden in the back. So why not have a little Oktoberfest? Sure it's a month late, but better late than never, I should say. So fry up some sausages, break out a loaf of brown bread, and smear everything with a generous dollop of mustard. Of course don't forget to wash it all down with some great beer. Because it's just not Oktoberfest without beer.

So now that you know the basics of National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day, feel free to dig deep into that refrigerator. And feel confident in knowing that whatever matter of food you may find, it can be transformed into a delicious pre-Thanksgiving dinner. Just be certain to toss out that old box of refrigerator Arm & Hammer. Unless of course you want your pancakes to taste like old fish and stinky cheese...

Friday, November 12, 2010

Crab Stuffed Potato Skins

CRAB STUFFED POTATO SKINS

I know what you're thinking - “skin” isn't exactly the greatest word to use in a recipe title. Let's be honest here, nobody likes to think they're eating skin, be it vegetable or otherwise. And yet, who doesn't like a good fried chicken skin? It does seem to be one of life's guilty pleasures. And in the case of the potato, the skin is actually the most nutritious part of the tuber. But if you have a problem using the word “skin” when presenting this delicious spuds to the family, then rename them Crab Stuffed Baked Potatoes and serve them with gusto.

Serves 4

4
medium Russet potatoes (about 2½ pounds), scrubbed

Olive oil, for drizzling and brushing

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
¼
cup (½ stick) unsalted butter, melted
2
ounces cream cheese, room temperature

Juice of ½ lemon
4
ounces lump crabmeat, shredded and picked over for cartilage
1
red chili, deseeded and finely minced (optional)
2
tablespoons fresh chives, chopped
¾
teaspoon Old Bay seasoning
½
cup sharp yellow Cheddar cheese, coarsely grated

1. Preheat the oven to 425ºF. Pierce each potato several times with a fork – this will prevent the potatoes from exploding in the oven. Lightly brush the potatoes with olive oil and sprinkle with salt. Bake in the preheated oven until the potatoes are tender, about 1 hour. Then, remove the potatoes from the oven and allow to cool.

2. Once the potatoes are cool enough to handle, cut each in half lengthwise. Scoop out the flesh and transfer to a bowl, reserving the potato skins. Mash the potatoes until smooth. Then, stir in the butter, cream cheese, and lemon juice. Toss in the crabmeat, chili, chives, and Old Bay seasoning, and mix until well combined. Season with salt and black pepper.

3. Lightly brush a baking sheet with oil and set aside. Fill each reserved potato skin with some of the crab and potato mixture, mounding the filling slightly. Arrange the potatoes on the prepared baking sheet and sprinkle some of the Cheddar over the top of each.

4. Bake the Crab Stuffed Potato Skins in the preheated 425ºF oven until the Cheddar cheese is bubbly and the crab and potato filling is heated through.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Veterans Day Entertaining

With tomorrow being Veterans Day here in the U.S., I thought I would offer you a few key tips to hosting a successful Veterans Day dinner party. After all, the veterans of this country's numerous wars gave up quite a bit to preserve our freedoms. So I suppose the least we could do is buy them all dinner on their special day. So here goes:

  • Dig out the Fourth of July decorations. There's no sense in buying new decorations. The Fourth of July flags, streamers, and sparkler-laden cupcake towers work just as well for Veterans Day.

  • It's probably best to avoid foods from countries/cultures that we formerly fought with. Somehow I doubt too many World War II veterans would appreciate wiener schnitzel or sushi for Veterans Day. Nor would an Iraqi War veteran appreciate... Well... Yeah, I don't know what they eat in Iraq... But whatever it is, be sure not to serve it.

  • Stock up on beer, ketchup, and toilet paper.

  • As many veterans are over the age of 65, you may also want to consider stocking up on prune juice, oatmeal, and denture adhesive.

  • And remember, the day's entertainment will already be provided for you. All you have to do is kick back and listen as the veterans tell their stories. I'm reminded of a time when one local veteran (whom I shall refer to as MacGyver, USMC) told me a wandering tale about how he used a can of sardines and a tape measure to liberate the French city of Dijon from the Nazis during World War II. Of course, I have yet to find any reference to his so called Sardine Raid of '44 in any historical textbook... But it was still a good story.

And now that you know the basics of Veterans Day entertaining, why not invite the family veteran(s) over for a special meal? It's a lot of fun, and is a great way to honor the sacrifices that so many made to protect our freedoms.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Egg³

Have you heard of the Egg Cuber? It's this newfangled contraption that looks something like a small, plastic salt grinder. Only instead of grinding up little salt crystals, it smashes a hard-boiled egg into a cube-like shape.

To operate this little gizmo, you first need to hard-boil your egg. Then, you need to chill both the hard-boiled egg and the egg cubing apparatus (otherwise your egg won't hold its new shape). And finally, you peel the egg, place it in the cold egg cuber, and twist the top of the cuber until your egg is firmly compressed into a solid brick. Talk about making breakfast difficult. Not only do you have to hard-boil the egg. But now you need to chill it, and then allow it to hang out for a few minutes in a miniature trash compactor?

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all about creativity and originality. In cooking school, we were often graded on how innovative or unexpected our plate presentations were. But a square egg? Why would I want that? Sure it wouldn't roll around on the plate, but it looks like a miniature filing cabinet. Besides, isn't the old adage, think outside the box, not make it look like the box?

So, to whomever came up with the egg cuber - you get an A for creativity, but I think I might just hold on to my $3.00.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome

Regardless of your levels of political correctness, diplomacy, and sensitivity, we all at one point or another find ourselves with a most regrettable case of Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome. Side effects of Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome (FMS) include: stammering, stuttering, headache, blurred vision, profuse sweating, nervous giggling, uncontrollable pants wetting, and social death. And despite the circumstances surrounding your spontaneous lapse in conversational etiquette (be it comparing your future mother-in-law's new hairstyle to that of a waterlogged squirrel, or laughing hysterically at your surprisingly petite fitness trainer in the gym shower), perhaps the best course of action to take is to offer a genuine apology and leave.

Yet for some people with particularly severe cases of FMS, an apology sometimes isn't quite good enough. And if that's the case for you, I'm sure you will find today's posting of helpful tips to be of particular use. Below you will find five other techniques that can be used in conjunction with the requisite “Sorry, I should go.” Of course, each conversational faux pas is different, so feel free to tailor these tips to meet your needs.

  • Level the playing field by encouraging those that you have offended to poke fun at your own infirmities. Tugging at your unusually large ears, replaying that Dear John voicemail from your last therapist, or digging out your prescription for Viagra are all subtle indications that you're not perfect either, and can be easily made into the butt of a few jokes.

  • Attempt to turn your conversational mistake into a joke by forcing a laugh and shouting out, “J/K!” Of course this one rarely works, but that doesn't stop most adolescence from using it time and time again.

  • Get into the fetal position. This is a particularly useful tip if the offended party is comprised of hostile people who are much stronger and/or faster than you.

  • If you are particularly susceptible to contracting a severe case of FMS, keep your mouth full of food throughout the entire dinner party. That way, nobody will understand what you're talking about, nor become offended when you say something inappropriate.

  • And, of course, if all else fails: Point at something over their shoulder. Shout out, “Hey look at that!” Then, run away as fast as you can the moment they turn around to look.

And now that you know the treatment options for your FMS, get out there and start talking. Foot-in-Mouth Syndrome: Live Life, Faux Pas Free.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Chicken Marsala



CHICKEN MARSALA

Chicken Marsala is one of those Italian restaurant staples that everyone orders. And yet, for some reason nobody seems to make this classic dish at home. It's very easy to make and uses only a few ingredients. Of course, if you don't like mushrooms (as many people do not), try substituting in some other quick cooking vegetables. Thinly sliced carrots, diced eggplant and zucchini, or even a can or two of diced tomatoes in juice would all work well in this recipe.

Serves 4
4
boneless, skinless chicken breasts (4 to 6 ounces each), trimmed of excess fat


1
cup all-purpose flour



Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper


3
tablespoons olive oil


3
tablespoons unsalted butter


1
yellow onion, peeled and chopped


10
ounces cremini mushrooms, quartered


2
cloves garlic, peeled and minced


1
bay leaf


cups sweet Marsala wine



Juice of 1 lemon


2
tablespoons fresh flat-leaf parsley, finely chopped, for garnish



1. Place a chicken breast in a large freezer bag. Using the flat side of a kitchen mallet, pound the chicken breast to a ½-inch thickness. Remove the chicken from the bag and set aside. Repeat with the remaining chicken breasts.

  1. In a shallow dish, combine the flour with 2 teaspoons salt and ½ teaspoon black pepper. Heat the olive oil in a large skillet set over medium-high heat until hot, but not smoking. Dredge the chicken breasts in the seasoned flour and shake off any excess flour. Add the chicken to the skillet and cook until well browned and cooked through, 3 to 4 minutes per side. Then, remove the chicken to a serving platter and set aside.

  1. Melt 2 tablespoons of the butter in the skillet. Add the onions and cook, stirring often, until translucent, 5 to 7 minutes. Toss in the mushrooms and continue to cook until they are lightly golden, 3 to 5 minutes. Add the garlic and bay leaf and cook 1 minute more.

  1. Remove the skillet from the heat and pour in the wine. Return to the heat and deglaze the pan by scraping up any brown bits stuck to the bottom. Add the lemon juice and simmer until slightly thickened, 3 to 5 minutes. Stir in the remaining tablespoon of butter and season to taste with salt and black pepper. Pour over the chicken and garnish with the parsley.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Pumpkin Safety 101

This morning while perusing the season's first pears at the grocery store, I was stopped by a friendly young man who recognized me from the television. He told me that he had carved several pumpkins for Halloween this year, and was curious what to do with them now that the festivities were over. Well, my first thought was – Halloween was five days ago, what are you still doing holding onto the jack-o-lanterns? (I didn't say that to him, of course. I've been in enough dirty dorm rooms to know that the smell of a rotting pumpkin could easily go undetected for months among the stacks of molding pizza boxes and half-full glasses of now-sour milk.) But his comment did get me thinking. Sanitation is one of the most important courses that any culinary arts student ever takes. It is a course that shows students that cooking food properly really can be a matter of life and death. And though I will spare you the details (mostly because I cannot pronounce, much less spell, the names of all those deadly food-borne pathogens), I would like to address the topic in today's post. Or at the very least, share with you what I told the young man (whom shall from here on be referred to as young Mr. O'Grody in the interest of protecting the innocent).

First, I never recommend using a jack-o-lantern in a recipe. Especially, if that jack-o-lantern is five days old. Though it does seem like a good idea to rehash that jack-o-lantern into a pie (a suggestion that a baffling number of websites will try to convince you is a good idea), it can be quite unsafe to do so. The moment you cut into the pumpkin, you introduce countless bacteria, viruses, and parasites into the pumpkin. Those germies then start to feed on the sweet flesh of the pumpkin and proliferate. (Of course, bare in mind that most jack-o-lanterns are carved - at least in part - by young children who have recently picked their ears, their nose, and their who knows what else...)

Second, most jack-o-lanterns are illuminated by some heat-throwing light source, such as a candle or a flashlight. The heat thrown off by the light transforms your jack-o-lantern into a nice warm sauna for the pathogens' reproductive pleasures. In short, your jack-o-lantern becomes a maternity ward for all those snot-nosed germs. And in about 4 hours at room temperature, your festive pumpkin could contain enough bugs to make you sick. (And that's not to mention that most candle-lit pumpkins develop deliciously ash-tasting streaks of soot that make the pumpkin pretty well useless for culinary concoction anyway.)

Of course, cooking does kill many of these disease-causing germs, but not all. And as I always say – better safe than sick. So, really the best thing to do with that day-old (and certainly that five-day old) jack-o-lantern is to toss it onto the compost pile and use it to feed next year's crop of pumpkins.

Furthermore, jack-o-lanterns are usually carved from larger pumpkins that are far too fibrous for the traditional pumpkin pie. Generally speaking, when looking for a pumpkin to cook, the rule of thumb is – the smaller, the better. That 1-pound sugar pumpkin makes a great pie. That 10-pound hybrid makes a nice jack-o-lantern. And that 1,786-pound Atlantic Giant makes an excellent boat should you ever feel the need to paddle such an oversized gourd through frigid waters during one of those Pumpkin Regattas that have become so popular.

Thanks for the question young Mr. O'Grody!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Hump-Day Hullabaloo

Maybe it's just me, but Wednesday night seems to be the most boring night of the week. Monday night you quietly celebrate successfully making it through the most dreaded day of the work week. Tuesday night you throw your own private productivity party because Tuesdays are, after all, the most productive days of the work week. (I read that somewhere, but I couldn't tell you where). Thursday night is aptly named Thirsty Thursday as most people pregame for their weekend. And then Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights all fall under the category of weekend. But what is there to do on a Wednesday night? It's the middle of the week. You did 80-percent of your work the day before. And the next morning a hangover cannot be concealed behind a pair of Casual Friday sunglasses. So what is one to do on a Wednesday night? Fortunately for you, below you will find a listing of Hump-Day party ideas that are perfectly suited to turn the most boring night of the week into something spectacular.

  • Trying new and interesting foods is a simple way to liven up any boring day. So why not make Wednesday nights into a time to experiment with new recipes and cuisines? Stop by that ethnic market on your way home and pick up that bottle of mystery marinade. Figure out how to cook with those pickled whatchamacallits. And swap recipes (using hand gestures and sound effects, as needed) with someone from another country and/or culture.

  • Have a mocktail party with nonalcoholic mixed drinks and fruit juices. This idea is particularly well-suited for entertaining your ol' frat brothers, as alcohol plus frat brothers always equals a ridiculous mess, no matter the age.

  • Start a Wednesday night book club. I know that sounds like a somewhat nerdy thing to do, but let's be honest here, nobody actually talks about books at a book club meeting. There's far too much coffee to drink and gossip to share for all that literature to muck up the conversation.

  • If you have children to entertain, then grease up a piglet and let him loose. There is nothing funnier than watching children try and catch the greasy little swine.

  • And if all else fails, take up a hobby like basket weaving, birdhouse building, or afghan crocheting. Sure it might not be as exciting as the other options, but at least it will keep you busy until Thirsty Thursday.

And now that you know the basics of Wednesday night entertaining, feel free to invite a few coworkers over for some Hump-Day Hullabaloo. Well... You might not want to call it a Hump-Day Hullabaloo. That seems to have a certain sexual connotation to it, now doesn't it? If you say that to the wrong person and you might end up taking a few Wednesday-night workplace sexual-harassment classes... And that would definitely not make your Wednesday nights any more enjoyable.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Move Over Palin, I'm Throwin' a Tea Party

Happy Election Day everyone! And before I get into today's blog topic, allow me to encourage you all to get out and vote. Regardless of your political leanings – be they stubborn as an elephant or intransigent as a donkey, Election Day is your one chance to voice your opinion and have it count. Though there are times when it may seem that your one vote is but a raindrop in a turbulent ocean, it is important. After all, when else does someone ask for your opinion and actually listen to it? Let's face it, despite the advent of social media (technology that has everyone now talking), it seems more and more all the time that nobody is actually listening to what is said. But on Election Day that all changes – not only is someone listening, that someone is soliciting your advice. So get out and vote! (Err... Well... Get out and vote after reading the rest of today's posting, that is.)

So now that my public service announcement is complete, allow me to continue with today's topic – election night entertaining. I always like to throw some sort of election night party. And though I am not a particularly political individual (I've always believed a certain measure of political correctness is requisite to be a political person, and I love to laugh far too much to ever worry about political correctness), I do rather like to celebrate the end of all those nasty political attack ads and boring candidate debates with a simple celebration.

This year I'm planning a small, civilized tea party. And though I don't happen to be a particular fan of the delicate little finger sandwiches and dry scones that are so commonly required at the civilized tea party, I do believe it is a nice way to end this election year. After all, how many times this year were you invited to a tea party only to find out that you were really signing up for a boring, hour-long spiel about some... political thing? Talk about false advertising – invite me to a tea party and don't even serve tea. It's rather like sitting through one of those high-pressure time-share presentations to get the free gift, and yet not get the free gift. But I digress...

To host your own Election Night tea party be sure to keep a few things in mind. First, since the final results of the election are often not announced until late into the night, be sure to have a wide selection of caffeine-free teas on hand. We don't want any of the guests to be kept awake all night by excessive caffeine consumption. Second, stock up on alcohol. Should your preferred candidate not win his/her race, a generous splash of Bailey's will help soothe your disappointment. And third, tea parties are civilized occasions. So it is best to avoid touchy political topics like same-sex marriage and abortion. Should a few of your guests become embroiled in such a heated political debate, lighten the mood with some form of bacon-topped hors d'oeurve and an interpretive dance set to humorous music. I mean really – who could keep a straight face when you're serving bacon-wrapped scallops and flailing to the song “It's Raining Men” by The Weather Girls?

So now that you know the basics of political tea partying, enjoy your Election Night, and don't forget to vote. I'm Nathan Scott, and I approved this message.