In Case You Make a Mistake at the Office Party

This being the season of the office party, it is not unlikely that you'll do/say something foolish and embarrass yourself in front of your coworkers and boss. So in an effort to help you do a little post-party damage control, allow me to provide you with a few day-after-the-party tips...

• Take a portable stove to work with you and fry up some bacon. It's hard to stay angry with a coworker when he's/she's offering you bacon...
  
  
• Go into the server room and “accidentally” unplug a few things. That way most of your coworkers won't be able to access the Internet and find your embarrassing email(s).
  
  
• Take a double-exposure photo of yourself, frame it, and place it on your desk. Then when people start to make fun of you, simply show them the photo and say - “Yeah, my twin brother/sister is crazy!”
  
  
• Identify the quietest guy in the place, then tell everyone it's his birthday. People will be scrambling about to plan the impromptu birthday party that they'll completely forget about your office party indiscretions. (And the quiet guy? Well... he's so quiet nobody will ever hear him when he says it's not his birthday...)
  
  
• And if all else fails, spike the water cooler and wait. Someone is bound to drink too much “water,” get drunk, and start distributing inappropriate photocopies. Which should effectively shift the attention away from you.