Halloween Safety

Since next Monday is Halloween (and I won't have time to blog because there will be far too many apples to caramel and pumpkins to carve), I thought that I would take this week to discuss all those other important Halloween details. So here goes!

Safety is of course an important concern at any special occasion, and Halloween is no exception. With children running about the streets trick-or-treating, people carving giant pumpkins with sharp knives, and grandparents accidentally gluing their dentures together while eating caramel apples and popcorn balls, it's a wonder how more Halloweens don't end up with trips to the ER. So in the interest of making sure that your festivities don't become a nightmare, today I shall offer you a few tips that should help you stay safe.

First, don't let the kids go trick-or-treating by themselves! Aside from the fact that in today's world it seems like you can't trust anyone, you (as the parent) also have to consider your own reputation. I'm mean – it's Halloween, your kid(s) just want to run wild with their friends for the night, but unless you want to be known as the parent who raised a pack of rabid dingos, those kids need some adult supervision. And if they are in fact old enough to go without adult supervision – then what are they doing going trick-or-treating in the first place?

Second, avoid handing out candies that contain nuts, seeds, raisins, or malted anything. Aside from the fact that many people are now allergic to nuts and other such things, nobody really likes them in their candy... It's Halloween – hand out chocolate!

Third, hide your pets, your senile, and your extra-small children. Let's be honest here – there are going to be a lot of scary looking people coming to your house tonight. And the last thing you need is for your toddler to start screaming every time a witch walks through the door. Wait, scratch that. The last thing you need is for your 98-year-old great-grandfather to start telling all the neighborhood kids about how when he was a young boy they had to go trudging through waist-deep snow every Halloween to trick-or-treat for yellow onions because there was a war on and yellow onions where the closest thing to candy they had...

And finally fourth, try not to burn the house down with the jack-o-lanterns. Ok?