So, you're on a date, it's going terribly, and you just want to go home? Well don't worry, because I'm here to help. Today, I'll share with you my Top Ten Date-Ending One-Liners. Simply select one of the suggested sentences below, repeat it to your date (stating it with conviction), brace yourself for any following slaps that may potentially follow, and then get the check and go home confident that you will never hear from that horrible date again.
Top Ten Date-Ending One-Liners
1. I have to blow my nose. Could I see your sleeve please?
2. Oh no, that's not dandruff. I just have lice.
3. When we go back to my place, I'll show you my dog, Skippy. After he died, I had him stuffed. He now hangs on the wall over my bed.
4. I like your perfume. It reminds me of my grandfather.
5. Would you excuse me for a moment? I have to go check in with my parole officer.
6. I have to go to the restroom. And when the waiter comes with our desserts, could you have him send mine into the bathroom? I'm going to be in there for a while...
7. “Gigli” is the world's greatest movie.
8. My wife will just love you.
9. I have pet worms.
10. I can't wait to show you my collection of toenail clippings. I've been collecting them from all over the world for the last 12 years.
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