A Bit of Schmaltz

Do you have a wedding anniversary coming up soon? Well if so, you are probably feeling a bit obligated to purchase that customary anniversary card and inscribe said card with some schmaltzy message. But let's be honest here, unless you're newly weds, you're probably running a little low on schmaltz and need a couple of new loving messages to write inside that card. So today, I'll offer you a few new ideas. With any luck, one of the following notes will sum up your feelings and satisfy your partner's need for all that anniversary mushiness. Or... well... until next year, that is...

• Like my evening glass of beer, I find that I love you more and more each year.
  
  
• What's true love? True love is holding hands... taking long walks through the park... and buying his and her towels. True love is growing old and fat together... laughing at the same old jokes... and ignoring each other's gas. True love is what we share, and writing silly little notes like this to prove that we still care.
  
  
• You know how much I love bacon, right? Well, if I had to choose between you or bacon. I'd choose you – probably...
  
  
• I still reminisce about our first date. Thanks for taking pity on me and agreeing to go out a second time.
  
  
• If I had the money, I'd fly you to Paris. If I had the time, I'd knit you a sweater. If I had the talent, I'd write you a song. And if I had the abs, I'd... well... you remember. But since I don't, I guess you'll have to settle for this – a simple love note that's sealed with a kiss.