Mardi Gras 101

Well, it's that time of the year again – a time for fancy costumes, copious amounts of alcohol, artery-cloggingly rich junk foods, and even a little bit of debauchery. It's Mardi Gras! But since most of us will be going back to work tomorrow morning (despite the hangover, heartburn, and humiliation of Fat Tuesday), I propose that today's blog topic be – how to have fun at Mardi Gras and still save face with your coworkers. So before you slap on that festive mask, fill up that beer mug, and lose your shirt, review the tips below and save yourself some embarrassment on Ash Wednesday.

• Stop by the ATM on the way home from work and withdraw a generous allowance for the evening. Then, go home and freeze your credit, debit, and ATM cards at the very center of an ice block. This tip actually helps in two ways. Freezing the cards in a giant ice block will insure you can't get to them again until the following morning (at the earliest), so you won't be drunkenly digging yourself into a financial hole. And giving yourself a generous allowance to spend on Mardi Gras, insures that you won't run out of money and need to barter for beer with beads, wrist watches, jewelry, shirts, pants, and... well... you get the picture.
  
  
• Throw out any face paint that you might have. Let's be honest here, face painting can easily devolve into body painting. And before you know it, your parading around main street in a bikini that may or may not be made of fabric. (Not that I would know, of course.)
  
  
• Start out with some beads already around your neck. Sure it might seem a little dishonest, but we all know how people “earn” beads at Mardi Gras. And by starting the night out with a few strands already in place, you'll be sure to avoid ending up in an embarrassing YouTube video. And remember anything less than five strands of beads makes you look like a prude, while anything more than ten strands makes you look easy.
  
  
• Plan ahead for the gastrointestinal distress of Mardi Gras foods. Why not make a strand of beads entirely out of chewable antacids? Not only will it look festive, but should the heartburn strike early in the evening, you can simply gnaw off a few tablets and keep right on partying.
  
  
• And finally, carry a camera with you. You never know when you might run into a coworker and be able to snap a few embarrassing photos. Just think of it as an insurance policy, should any embarrassing photos/videos of you surface at the office in the coming week.

I wish you good luck in surviving this year's Mardi Gras. And now that you have a few keys tips, I hope that you will go out and have fun. Oh, and remember – nothing helps save face at the office more than cake. So if you completely embarrass yourself tonight, get up early tomorrow, bake a cake, and take it to work. After a slice or two of devil's food, who is really going to care about that photo of you dressed up as a lewd Spider Man?