Meat Ragù

MEAT RAGÙ

I don't think there is anything better on a cold winter's night than a piping hot bowl of Bolognese. And today I'll be sharing with you my favorite recipe for this delicious Meat Ragù.

Serves 6 to 8

4	ounces pancetta, finely chopped
2	tablespoons unsalted butter
1	large yellow onion, peeled and finely chopped
3	celery stalks, finely chopped
2	medium carrots, peeled and finely chopped
4	cloves garlic, peeled and minced
1	pound ground beef
1	pound ground pork
½	cup medium-bodied red wine, such as Chianti Classico
1½	quarts homemade beef stock, or low-sodium canned beef broth
2	tablespoons tomato paste
½	cup milk
	Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
2	pounds fettucini or tagliatelle, cooked according to the package instructions
2	tablespoons fresh flat-leaf parsley, coarsely chopped
	Parmigiano-Reggiano, freshly grated, for garnish

1.  In a large pot or Dutch oven, cook the pancetta over medium heat until golden and crispy, 5 to 8 minutes. Melt in the butter and add the onion, celery, and carrots. Reduce the heat to medium-low, and cook, stirring often, until the onions are translucent, about 5 minutes. Toss in the garlic, ground beef, and ground pork. Brown the beef and pork well, stirring often.

2.  Pour in the wine and deglaze the pot by using a spoon to scrape up any browned bits stuck to the bottom. Stir in the stock and tomato paste. Bring the sauce to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the sauce is thick and flavorful, 2 to 3 hours.

3.  Remove the sauce from the heat and stir in the milk. Season to taste with salt and black pepper. Toss the sauce into the cooked pasta, along with the parsley and some grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese. Garnish with additional cheese and serve.

Twenty Things To Do While Nathan Is Away

Well, I'm planning a bit of a vacation for next week (which is rather exciting for me – it's been a while). And so tomorrow's blog entry will be my last until Monday, March 7^th. And though I do feel a bit guilty leaving you hanging for the entire week without your daily dose of culinary foolishness (I hope the withdrawal symptoms won't be too severe), I think today's blog will help make up for my upcoming bout of laziness.

Twenty Things To Do While Nathan Is Away:

1. Catch up on sleep.
2. Adopt a pet from the local shelter.
3. Stock up on beer, ketchup, and toilet paper.
4. Take up competitive composting.
5. Host a mustard tasting party.
6. Take Tango lessons.
7. Crochet a matching set of toothpaste, toothbrush, and dental floss cozies.
8. Make 1,000 origami swans and become known as the Crazy Origami Swan Guy/Lady.
9. Solve world hunger.
10. Take up competitive dumpster diving.
11. Ferment your own sauerkraut.
12. Bedazzle EVERYTHING.
13. Sharpen your knives, forks, and (if necessary) spoons.
14. Conduct an alien autopsy.
15. Create a replica of the statue of The David using only duct tape and white paint.
16. Join a skunk enthusiast chat room.
17. Attempt to snorkel your way through a snowbank.
18. Make salsa while salsa dancing.
19. Get fat and take up Sumo Wrestling.
20. Transform your PC monitor into a miniature greenhouse, and then put it all back together again just in time for this blog to start up again on Monday, March 7^th.

Electric Twirling Forks

Have you ever seen one of those electric spaghetti forks before? You know what I mean? Those forks that are about the size of an electric toothbrush and operate in much the same manner. Only instead of moving back and forth like the toothbrush, the tines of the electric fork twirl around when you press the button. Apparently they help in twirling one's spaghetti onto the fork for easier consumption. And I suppose in theory it is an... interesting invention. But it does leave me asking one major question – who finds spaghetti twirling so difficult that he/she needs to spend $10 on an electric spaghetti fork?

I suppose one could argue that people with arthritis or some other condition that limits free range of motion might benefit from this invention. But on the other hand, my arthritic great-uncle has difficulty turning a doorknob, much less pressing the tiny button on the spaghetti fork to start the thing a twirling.

And what happens if the fork activates when it's in your mouth? I'll tell you what happens – an unplanned tonsillectomy – that's what. Plus, I'm not exactly sure how I feel about power tools near my face. I have an image of a power surge sending sparks bouncing off my molars. And that just doesn't seem quite right...

Now, don't get me wrong – I'm sure this newfangled twirling fork makes a great addition to anyone's collection of flatware. (Or at the very least, it will make a great prop should anyone ever feel like taking up competitive ribbon twirling/dancing.) But I suppose I'm just old fashioned – I like my forks to stay still and my pasta to be hand-twirled. So to whomever invented this newest kitchen gadget, allow to simply say – nice try, but I think I'll keep my $10.

Technostress

As my computer recently decided to become most uncooperative, I'm writing today's article from a friend's computer. And though I'll spare you all the painful details of my newest techno-drama, I do think that this experience does provide me with an interesting topic of discussion – what does a person do when the computer isn't working? How does a person decompress after his/her computer crashes and burns? Well, as I am experiencing this problem myself, I suppose this blog will be as much a learning experience for me, as it will be for you. So... here goes:

• First, treat the coronary that you are most likely experiencing as a result of your computer's recent crash. Chew on an aspirin, curl up in the fetal position, and breathe – it's going to be alright... probably.
  
  
• Throw/punch something. You'll be amazed at how much a bit of brute violence can help when you need to alleviate stress. Of course, be certain not to throw your computer. Sure it might make you feel better, but in no way is it going to help the situation. Instead, use that excess anger to your advantage. For example, throwing an English dictionary at your tech support coworkers will not only help you communicate better, but also alleviate some of your stress and motivate them to stop play World of Warcraft for a moment and actually look at your laptop.
  
  
• Forget about the coffee. You're going through techno-withdrawal and a second cup of coffee is going to make you so jittery that you might just have a stroke. So swap that coffee for something that will actually help – like vodka!
  
  
• Misery loves company. So why not throw a techno-free day? If you're the boss, you can do this by simply sending out a memo (handwritten, of course) that instructs all your employees to shut off their computers and work without them today. If necessary, make up some silly excuse about “improving employee communication” or something, and then tell everyone to shut off those computers. And if you're not the boss, then simply go into the server room and unplug a few things to get the party started.
  
  
• And if all else fails, change your attitude. Let's face it, if this whole 2012, end-of-the-world hullaballoo ends up being true, we could all be living in a very different world, very soon – a world devoid of technology such as computers, fax machines, and Twitter accounts. So, simply consider today's techno-crash as a trial-run for when the solar flares hit, the martians land, and the tectonic plates begin to crack up.  

Broiled Salmon with Lentils

BROILED SALMON WITH LENTILS

Today, I'll be explaining how to prepare a classic dish – Broiled Salmon with Lentils. It's a nutritious and delicious dinner for four, that everyone is sure to enjoy.

Serves 4

2	strips bacon, finely chopped
1	medium yellow onion, peeled and finely chopped
1	celery stalk, finely chopped
1	medium carrot, peeled and finely chopped
4	cloves garlic, peeled and minced
4	sprigs fresh thyme
½	pound green lentils, rinsed and picked over
1	quart homemade chicken stock, or low-sodium canned chicken broth
4	6- to 8-ounce fillets of salmon
	Olive oil, for brushing
	Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
2	tablespoons fresh flat-leaf parsley, chopped
2	tablespoons unsalted butter

1. In a large saucepan set over medium heat, cook the bacon, stirring often, until golden and crispy, 5 to 8 minutes. Add the onion, celery, and carrot. Cook, stirring often, until the onions are translucent, 5 to 10 minutes more. Toss in the garlic and thyme. Cook an additional minute.
   
   
2. Add the lentils and stock to the saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to low and simmer until the lentils are tender, 20 to 25 minutes.
   
   
3. Meanwhile, preheat the broiler, and place the oven rack in the top third of the oven. Lightly brush both sides of the salmon fillets with olive oil and season generously with salt and black pepper. Arrange the salmon on a baking sheet and broil until cooked through, 5 to 8 minutes. Remove the salmon from the oven and cool slightly.
   
   
4. If necessary, drain any excess liquid from the lentils. Stir the parsley and butter into the lentils and season to taste with salt and black pepper. Serve with the broiled salmon.

The Bad Day Survival Kit

Did you have a bad day, today? I suppose we all do from time to time. And whether your bad day was the result of fighting with your coworkers, getting a speeding ticket, or being mistaken for Ozzy Osbourne by that little boy on the street, I have a few tools that might help improve your day. Call it a Bad Day Survival Kit, if you will. It's a set of tools that will improve your mood as much as possible, so tomorrow might be a better day.

THE BAD DAY SURVIVAL KIT

(take two, every two to four hours until symptoms subside)

• A flannel bathrobe – to be worn as soon as you arrive home (tying the robe closed is optional*)
• A six pack of beer – to be shared with friends (namely me, myself, and I)**
• A tube of raw cookie dough – to be eaten by the spoonful***
• Anything deep-fat fried and smothered in ketchup – to be eaten with a generous sprinkling of salt****
• A full package of toilet paper – you'll know when*****
• A pot of chocolate fondue made from melted candy bars – consume while wearing a napkin like a bib******
• A humorous movie – to be watched before bed*******
• Anything deep-fat fried and smother in chocolate – to be eaten by the dozen********
• A rigorous workout – to burn off excess energy/stress*********
• A good stiff shot of Pepto – to use as needed the following morning**********

* Talk to your doctor to see if you are sexy enough for an open bathrobe.

** Do not drive or operate machinery while using this treatment option.

*** Talk to your therapist to see if you are depressed enough to eat raw cookie dough.

**** May cause weight gain, heart disease, stroke, hypertension, acne, BO, and greasy finger.

***** If you don't know when, consult the book “Everyone Poops” by Taro Gomi.

****** Always wear protection.

******* Avoid drinking dairy products while using this treatment option – it'll all just come out your nose while laughing.

******** See ****

********* Talk to your thighs to see if exercise is right for you.

********** This may be the only true solution here...

Kid's Day Off

I don't know about the schools where you live, but here in Northern Maine, it is almost time for winter vacation. And so in preparation for this wintertime break, I've complied a short listing of things to do with the kiddies during their time off. They should all prove to be fun activities that will keep the kids out of trouble and out of your hair.

• Play a fun game of American Idol, Babysitter Edition. Simply invite over all the neighborhood babysitters for a group job interview. Then, set up a small stage and have the babysitters perform for your children. Encourage the children to unmercifully criticize the babysitters' performances. Whichever babysitter is the last to burst into tears is named the American Idol and hired to watch the children for the rest of the week.
  
  
• If you're willing to tolerate a little bit of a mess in the house, grease a piglet with Crisco and let it loose in the house. Children can easily spend an entire week chasing such a slippery little swine.
  
  
• The wintertime is a great opportunity to train your children for future careers in ice carving, tunnel digging, and snow removal. So bundle them up nice and warm, and send them outside to shovel the sidewalk. They'll learn valuable life skills, and your sidewalk will get shoveled for free while you stay nice and warm inside – it's win, win.
  
  
• Allow your children to invite a friend or two over to visit. Let's be honest here, the children are most likely just going to lock themselves in the living room to watch Judge Judy and incessantly ask each other – “I dunno. What do you want to do?”
  
  
• And if all else fails, trick your children into looking the other way and throw a snowball once their backs are turned. Then, simply blame the kids across the street and start a snowball war that will last the entire week. Not only will your children be outside getting fresh air and exercise, but they might also learn that they don't need video games, TVs, and computers to have a good time.

If You're In the Doghouse Now

Sooo... You forgot about Valentine's Day, huh? I suppose there is just one thing to say – Why haven't you been reading this blog? I've been reminding you about Valentine's Day for a month now! But I suppose, in fairness, you've already heard enough about missing everyone's favorite mushy holiday from your better half (who I am sure reads this blog everyday). So, I'll go easy on you today. Just be sure to keep up with this blog from now on. We wouldn't want something like this to happen again, now would we?

So, if you found yourself sleeping in the doghouse last night because you forgot to purchase the requisite Valentine's Day card, roses, and chocolates – here's a surefire way to fix your misdeeds and sleep in your own bed again tonight.

• Let's be honest here – Valentine's Day is about showing off. So stop by the local florist and purchase the largest bouquet of flowers they have. (Preferably roses, but they might not have any left, so get whatever you can.) Fill out a mushy greeting card to attach to the flowers. And then, pay off the delivery boy. (Probably it'll cost you at least $25 to bribe him, but you definitely want him on your side). Have the delivery boy then hand-deliver the flowers to your significant other at her/his place of business (again with the showing off thing). And finally, have the delivery boy earn his bribe by saying something along the lines of – “I'm sorry, I meant to deliver these yesterday, but I forgot.”

Of course, if you can't afford to go to such elaborate measures. Or if for some reason (I can't imagine why) you have qualms about bribing high schoolers to take the fall for you, then try one of the following ideas.

• Take today off and spend it cleaning the house. And by cleaning the house, I mean – cleaning the house. It's a lot of work, but you'd be astounded at how far clean laundry, soap scum-less showers, and freshly shampooed rugs will go when you need to get out of the doghouse.
  
  
• Stop by the local animal shelter and adopt a puppy. Who can stay mad when there's a puppy in the room? Besides, if you get a dog to put in the doghouse, you can't sleep in there anymore. And at the very least, that upgrades you to sleeping on the sofa, if not the bed!

So with all that said, I wish you good luck. And if these ideas don't help, then might I recommend a quick trip to the camping supply store. They make really spacious tents and comfortable air mattresses now, so there's really no reason to be sleeping in the doghouse.

Valentine's Day Card How-To

I suppose if there is one thing that is required of pretty much everyone on Valentine's Day – it is that you send a heartfelt greeting card to that special someone. And whether you buy a Valentine's Day card at the store or make one yourself, you're probably going to need to write something on the inside of that card other than just your name. But if you're facing a case of romantic writer's block, don't worry. Simply copy the message that I have below, and you should be just fine.

To (whomever you are),

Just when I thought I couldn't love you anymore,

Early this morning I awoke to discover that I loved you down to my very core.

Right then I arose to fill out this card,

Ever the while eating my breakfast, so please forgive the few smudges of lard.

Moreover, the morning bacon has perfumed this note so sweetly.

It reminds me of your scent, ever so completely.

And though now that I think about it – it sounds like I've compared you to a pig.

How about I just say I love you, and tonight I'll go to town and buy you something really pretty and big.

From (whomever I am)

Molten Chocolate Cake

MOLTEN CHOCOLATE CAKE

Today, I'll be sharing with you a recipe for everyone's favorite restaurant dessert – Molten Chocolate Cake. It's easier than you might think, and makes the perfect Valentine's Day dessert.

Serves 6

6	tablespoons unsalted butter, plus more for greasing
4	ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped
2	large whole eggs, plus 2 large egg yolks
pinch	kosher salt
¼	cup confectioners' sugar
1	teaspoon pure vanilla extract
⅓	cup all-purpose flour
	Whipped cream, for garnish
	Fresh berries, such as raspberries or strawberries, for garnish

1.  Preheat the oven to 450ºF. Butter six 4-ounce ramekins or custard cups, and set aside on a parchment-lined baking sheet. (If you don't have a set of ramekins or custard cups, try baking these cakes in a standard 6-cup muffin tin.)

2.  In the bowl of a double boiler or bain-marie set over simmering water, combine the butter and chocolate. Melt, stirring often, until smooth. Remove from the heat and cool slightly.

3.  In a separate mixing bowl, combine the whole eggs, egg yolks, and salt. Whisk until well combined. Then, whisk in the confectioners' sugar and vanilla extract. Add the cooled chocolate mixture and flour. Continue to mix until just combined. Divide the chocolate batter evenly among the prepared ramekins or custard cups, filling each about half full.

4.  Place in the preheated oven. Bake until the sides of the cakes appear puffed and cracked, but the centers are still soft, 8 to 10 minutes. Remove the finished cakes from the oven, and allow them to stand for 2 minutes. Then, carefully run a small knife or offset spatula around the outer edges of the cakes and invert each onto a serving plate. Garnish with a dollop of whipped cream and some fresh fruit. Serve immediately.

Valentine's Day Gift Ideas

Well, if you're looking for an unexpected or new gift idea this Valentine's Day, look no further. Below you will find a few of my favorite Valentine's Day gift ideas. Of course, you know your valentine better than I, so choose whatever gift is best for your situation. But if you're looking to give something different than the customary flowers, chocolates, and plush teddy bear, try one of the ideas below.

• Using adhesive-backed paper, print out Love Potion No. 9 labels and paste them on every bottle of wine, chocolate sauce, honey, and whipped cream in the house.
  
  
• Buy a universal remote and wrap it up in pretty wrapping paper. Include a note that reads – Remote Control to Me, Want to Play >?
  
  
• Is your valentine newly divorced or on the rebound? Why not give her/him a voodoo doll of their last love? It's fun, considerate, and insures that she/he will get over that last love in a... healthy way.
  
  
• Skip the sexy lingerie. Sure it might be more fun, but nothing says true love like warm flannel PJs.
  
  
• And if all else fails, browse the App Store. Massage giving... French Kissing... Pole dancing... There's an App for that! 

I'd Love to, But...

Over the past few weeks, I've offered a series of tips and techniques to help all you singles out there find that special Valentine (see articles Anuptaphobia, parts I, II, and III). But today, I would like to talk about the reverse. What does a person do when he/she has too many Valentine's Day propositions? How does a person politely decline all the thoughtful invitations with ease and decorum to maintain friendly relationships with all those prospective suitors?

Well, I don't believe I've ever had to do this before. So I do believe the phrase – “the blind leading, the blind” – seems to apply. But here we go:

• Simple state – “No thank you, I'm already seeing someone.” Obvious enough.
  
  
• Jerk your head to the side, as though you are listening for something. Then, claim that you have heard your cellphone ring, and excuse yourself from the conversation as quickly as possible. For the remainder of the week, do whatever is necessary (including ducking behind dumpsters, wearing a large Darth Vader-style helmet, and calling in dead to work) to avoid the prospective suitor.
  
  
• Tell the prospective partner that you cannot make any Valentine's Day plans because you already have plans to wash your dog's hair. Let's be honest, we've all heard the “I'm washing my hair” excuse. But washing your dog's hair? Now that's a new one and might actually sound credible.
  
  
• As soon as she/he asks you out, simply start crying. The prospective partner will feel so awkward and confused that she/he will probably forget about the entire thing.
  
  
• And lastly, if all else fails, respond with a very polite – “I would love to go out with you on Valentine's Day, but my parole officer will have to come along as a chaperone for your protection.”

So if you are cursed with a beautiful face and killer body that makes everyone weak at the knees, I hope this posting helps you politely reject all those adoring fans. And if you're not so “cursed,” allow me to say – beauty fades with age, but a good sense of humor – that's eternal. 

Anuptaphobia, Part III

With Valentine's Day less than one week away, you might be feeling a little panicky about finding that V-Day dinner date. But don't worry. There is still plenty of time to find that special someone. Assuming, of course, that you are willing to swallow your pride and probably a fair bit of alcohol in the process.

Of course, all that self-loathing business aside. I have a few more tips for you today that might help you find Miss/Mr. Right. Or... at the very least, they should help you find Miss/Mr. Right Now.

• Consider the type of person you want to meet. And then, determine where those people are. For example, if you're looking for a kind person with lots of interesting stories of world travel, then stop by the local VFW. Of course... if you're looking for a kind person with lots of interesting stories of world travel, plus a full head of hair... try the travel section of your local bookstore.
  
  
• Smell yourself. Obviously you don't want to be doing this in public – that might send the message that you're terribly nervous or have some sort of glandular condition. But before going any place where you might meet someone new, give yourself a quick sniff. Do you smell like a fresh spring day with hints of peppermint and clean cotton? Or is it more like eau de wet dog with subtle hints of swamp water and rotting potato? If it's the latter, I might recommend a shower and a light spritz of cologne/perfume.
  
  
• If you don't have cologne or perfume, it's easy to make some yourself. Simply remember, women love the smell of vanilla, chocolate, and peppermint. And guys love the smell of bacon. So get into the kitchen, and do what you gotta do to smell like vanilla, chocolate, peppermint, and/or bacon.
  
  
• Practice your sexy face. After all, when you meet that special someone, you certainly don't want to scare her/him away with an unintentional death stare or nose curl. And remember – the eyes are the windows to the soul. Eyes that are too wide open make you look crazy, while eyes that are too squinty make you look high. Better yet, just invest in a decent pair of sunglasses...
  
  
• And if all else fails, adopt a pet from your local animal shelter. Such a pet would be more than happy to share a bowl of pasta with you on Valentine's Day. Plus, they don't care about the flowers, stuffed teddy bears, and expensive chocolates that have become such an integral part of Valentine's Day. So you might actually save money in the end.

PACKERS WIN!, YOU SUFFER

Congrats to the Green Bay Packers for their Super Bowl win! And my condolences to you for your post-Super Bowl indigestion. Believe me, I'm right there with you this morning – one too many chicken wings, I should say. But I suppose that is all part of the excitement of the Super Bowl. Who will win? What the best ad will be? How much chili can I eat without regretting it tomorrow morning? It's all just part of the fun.

But since it is now the day after Super Bowl, we are all left to tend to our tender stomachs. And so I've complied a short list of some of my favorite post-Super Bowl remedies in the hopes that they will help soothe your achy stomach, calm that irritable bowel, and smother that heartburn's fire.

• Don't eat the leftover pizza. Sure it is an easy meal, and who doesn't love that slice of cold morning pizza? But it is not going to help in any way. So put it down and make yourself a simple breakfast.
  
  
• Drink plenty of water and eat a couple of bran muffins – just to help get things moving along.
  
  
• Misery loves company, so tell everyone you know how badly you are feeling. Chances are, they feel the same way, and you can establish a temporary tummy ache support group.
  
  
• Mint, ginger, yogurt, and Pepto also help settle that queasy stomach.
  
  
• And lastly, play that Johnny Cash CD you have tucked away – particularly the song, “Ring of Fire.” Sure this one does nothing to actually help with the diarrhea. But it does seem oddly applicable.

Roasted Sweet Potato Salad with Walnuts

ROASTED SWEET POTATO SALAD WITH WALNUTS

If you're looking for a healthy side dish or a quick lunch idea, try this recipe for Roasted Sweet Potato Salad with Walnuts. It's a simple and delicious dish, that will even have the kids eating their leafy greens.

Serves 4

2	medium sweet potatoes, scrubbed and cut into 1-inch cubes
¾	cup, plus 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
3	tablespoons honey
1½	teaspoons ground cumin
¼	teaspoon Cayenne pepper (optional)
	Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
½	cup walnut halves
6	ounces baby lettuces, such as arugula, frisée, and red oak
½	cup feta, crumbled
¼	cup apple cider vinegar
¾	teaspoon ground cinnamon

1. Preheat the oven to 425ºF. On a parchment-lined baking sheet, toss the sweet potatoes together with 2 tablespoons of olive oil, 2 tablespoons of honey, ¾ teaspoon of cumin, and the Cayenne pepper. Season with salt and black pepper. Spread the potatoes out into a single layer on the baking sheet.
2. Roast the potatoes in the preheated oven for 15 minutes. Sprinkle the walnuts over the potatoes and toss together with a spatula. Continue to roast until the potatoes are tender and the walnuts are fragrant, 10 to 15 minutes more. Remove from the oven and set aside to cool slightly.
3. In a large serving bowl, toss the cooled potatoes and walnuts with the baby lettuces and feta cheese. In a separate bowl, whisk together the remaining ¾ cup olive oil, 1 tablespoon of honey, and ¾ teaspoon of cumin with the cider vinegar and the cinnamon. Season this dressing to taste with salt and black pepper, and drizzle over the salad before serving.

Quick Chicken Wings

QUICK CHICKEN WINGS

With the Super Bowl just around the corner, I thought you might appreciate a simple recipe for chicken wings. Not only are these wings quick to prepare, but the use of store-bought sweet red chili sauce makes this recipe so easy that anyone can make them.

Serves 4

¾	cup all-purpose flour
2	teaspoons smoked paprika
	Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
4	pounds (about 24) chicken wings, washed and patted dry, separated at the joint
	Canola oil
¼	cup sweet red chili sauce
¼	cup ketchup
	Hot sauce, such as Tabasco (optional)
	Celery sticks, for serving
	Blue cheese dressing, for serving

1. In a shallow dish, combine the flour and paprika with 2 teaspoons salt and ¼ teaspoon black pepper. Stir to combine. Toss the chicken wings in the seasoned flour to coat. Shake off any excess flour and set aside.
2. Add enough canola oil to a deep, heavy-bottomed pot to reach a depth of 4 inches. Heat the oil over medium-high heat until it registers 375°F on a deep-frying thermometer. Working in batches, carefully add some of the chicken wings to the hot oil. Fry until the wings are crispy and cooked through, about 10 minutes. Remove the cooked chicken wings from the oil and drain on a paper towel-lined baking sheet. Repeat until all the chicken wings are fried.

3. In a mixing bowl, mix together the sweet red chili sauce and the ketchup. If desired, add some hot sauce, to taste. Season the sauce to taste with salt and black pepper. Then, toss the cooked chicken wings in the sauce and serve immediately with celery sticks and blue cheese dressing.

SUPER BOWL!

Though I must confess to having only the vaguest of understandings when it comes to football, I do enjoy watching the Super Bowl. If not for the sport, than I certainly watch it for the commercials and the requisite junk food. After all, at what other time of year can a guy kick back with a beer in one hand and a nacho-stuffed pizza sandwich in the other? It's like the Mardi Gras of sports competitions! Only in this case, one's indiscretions are solved with a quick swig of Pepto rather than a 40-day period of penance and self-denial.

But all the ensuing gastrointestinal distress, aside. Super Bowl is a great opportunity to gather together with your friends and family and enjoy some of life's guilty pleasures. (And that's speaking strictly from a culinary standpoint, of course. I hardly think that the Super Bowl is an excuse for such guilty pleasures as karaoke, Britney Spears music, or Craigslist dating.) And perhaps the true pièce de résistance is that on this one day of the year, eating your meal in front of the television is not only enjoyable, but required!

So with all that said, I'll finish today's posting with some of my favorite Super Bowl entertaining ideas. Here goes:

• Always serve lots of popcorn. Not only is a well-buttered bowl of popcorn a delicious treat, but it also makes a safe projectile should any frustrated sports fan decide to throw something at the TV in disgust. You'd be surprised just how much damage a couple of sturdy chicken wings can do to a television when hurled at a failed quarterback.
  
  
• Invest in a couple of those universal remotes. It's going to be a night of intense emotion, junk food, and beer – you can pretty much guarantee that you'll lose the TV remote and need a backup... or two.
  
  
• To make your life easier (and to prevent you from missing out on any important plays) always lay all the food out on the coffee table. Sure it might get cold (or in the case of frozen foods, it might get hot), but who really wants to be darting in and out of the kitchen during timeouts? And besides, a melted ice cream cake makes an excellent halftime milkshake.
  
  
• Remember, it's simply not the Super Bowl without some spicy chicken wings.
  
  
• And lastly, if it can get dirty – cover it with a drop cloth. It's amazing how badly a fallen slice of pizza, spilled guacamole, or dribbled nacho cheese sauce can stain your upholstery, carpet, pets, and small children. So before the party starts, wrap everything in a good, thick layer of protective Saran wrap just to be on the safe side.

Twenty Things to Do with Grapefruit

With this being the first day of February, let me be the first to say – HAPPY GRAPEFRUIT MONTH EVERYBODY! (Bet you weren't expecting that one.) But yes, February is, in fact, National Grapefruit Month. And why do we need an entire month to celebrate one of the sourest of fruits? Well, I assume the answer as something to do with boosting grapefruit sales in grocery stores, but that's just my guess.

But the history of the month aside, I choose to celebrate it with gusto. And so below you will find a listing of twenty things to do with grapefruits. They are creative ideas that I hope you will enjoy throughout this month. Have fun!

• Eat a grapefruit for breakfast each morning
• Drink grapefruit juice in place of the more traditional OJ
• Add slices of grapefruit to your favorite salads
• Use a grapefruit to play fetch with your pet dog, monkey, or child
• Squeeze the fruit's juice and use as a refreshingly citrus-smelling cleaning agent
• Practice your fruit juggling
• Toss down a flight of stairs – just to see it fall
• Freeze the grapefruit and use it as a cannon ball the next time the country is invaded
• Send slices of grapefruit through the garbage disposal to clean and freshen it
• Attempt to make grapefruit wine
• Slice in half and use as an air freshener
• String slices of grapefruit on a piece of yarn for a festive Grapefruit Month garland
• Use several grapefruits as a substitute for croquet balls
• Convince any small children that they are dinosaur eggs and see what happens
• Throw at the squirrels that keep eating all your bird seed
• Freeze slices of grapefruit to use as ice cubes in glasses of lemonade
• Squeeze a bunch of grapefruits until they burst for a great hand and wrist workout
• Use as an inexpensive gift for anyone celebrating a birthday this month
• Wear grapefruit slices like earrings
• Use in impromptu games of THINK FAST with your younger siblings, neighbors, and grandmothers