Anuptaphobia, Part III

With Valentine's Day less than one week away, you might be feeling a little panicky about finding that V-Day dinner date. But don't worry. There is still plenty of time to find that special someone. Assuming, of course, that you are willing to swallow your pride and probably a fair bit of alcohol in the process.

Of course, all that self-loathing business aside. I have a few more tips for you today that might help you find Miss/Mr. Right. Or... at the very least, they should help you find Miss/Mr. Right Now.

• Consider the type of person you want to meet. And then, determine where those people are. For example, if you're looking for a kind person with lots of interesting stories of world travel, then stop by the local VFW. Of course... if you're looking for a kind person with lots of interesting stories of world travel, plus a full head of hair... try the travel section of your local bookstore.
  
  
• Smell yourself. Obviously you don't want to be doing this in public – that might send the message that you're terribly nervous or have some sort of glandular condition. But before going any place where you might meet someone new, give yourself a quick sniff. Do you smell like a fresh spring day with hints of peppermint and clean cotton? Or is it more like eau de wet dog with subtle hints of swamp water and rotting potato? If it's the latter, I might recommend a shower and a light spritz of cologne/perfume.
  
  
• If you don't have cologne or perfume, it's easy to make some yourself. Simply remember, women love the smell of vanilla, chocolate, and peppermint. And guys love the smell of bacon. So get into the kitchen, and do what you gotta do to smell like vanilla, chocolate, peppermint, and/or bacon.
  
  
• Practice your sexy face. After all, when you meet that special someone, you certainly don't want to scare her/him away with an unintentional death stare or nose curl. And remember – the eyes are the windows to the soul. Eyes that are too wide open make you look crazy, while eyes that are too squinty make you look high. Better yet, just invest in a decent pair of sunglasses...
  
  
• And if all else fails, adopt a pet from your local animal shelter. Such a pet would be more than happy to share a bowl of pasta with you on Valentine's Day. Plus, they don't care about the flowers, stuffed teddy bears, and expensive chocolates that have become such an integral part of Valentine's Day. So you might actually save money in the end.