After spending three weeks in a hot kitchen preparing all the food for my brother's wedding, I must admit that I'm feeling a little exhausted at the moment. (Well, I suppose that's an exaggeration – I'm actually feeling a lot exhausted...) So in the interest of saving time and getting back to bed, I shall keep this blog entry brief. Here are some of my favorite cooking tips for successful entertaining:
- Never invite Chuck Norris and a group of ninjas to the same party.
- Never feed a bird uncooked rice. Unless, it's that annoying Woody Woodpecker – Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Poof!
- Be careful who you serve jalapeno poppers to. The extreme heat of the jalapenos has been known to make zits, irritable bowels, and pregnant women pop.
- Don't have fresh herbs to garnish your dinner plates? Pine-scented, tree-shaped air fresheners are not an appropriate substitute.
- Find a hair in your food? Be certain that it isn't your own toupee before complaining to the waiter.
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