The If-I-Have-To Gift

Has there ever been a time when you were obligated to give someone a gift, even though you had absolutely no desire to give anything to that person? Perhaps it was a wedding gift to Mr. & Mrs. Soontobedivorced. Or maybe it was a graduation present for your nephew – the newest Ph.D. in the field of liberal arts... Well whoever the gift was for, you had no desire to spend the time or money searching for a real present to give, and that's just fine. In fact, today I will offer you a few gift suggestions that take absolutely no thought and very little (if any) money, so that the next time such a situation rolls around, you'll be prepared to grudgingly, gift away.

• Take a couple of pinecones and spray paint them silver.  Nothing says, “I couldn't have cared less about this gift” than a couple of fake silver pinecone...
  
  
• A “pet” tortoise that you found along the side of the road while driving to the gift-worthy occasion.
  
  
• A pack of batteries, size C (because those are the most useful, now aren't they?)
  
  
• A “sexy” wall poster of Christopher Walken... (That ought to be in the bargain bin...)
  
  
• And if all else fails, do what the dentist does and hand out a new toothbrush and some floss because that really is the gift that keeps on giving.