Food for Weeding

I don't know about you, but I think there is nothing that I dread more than weeding the garden. I know it must be done, and I certainly do appreciate the look of a well manicured garden. But I just think it's such boring a chore. And so like all my boring chores, I try to find ways to incorporate food and eating into the mix - in an effort to take some of the agony out of the work. So today I'll offer you a few weeding the garden recipe ideas:

•   S'mores are a perfect weeding the garden food. Not only is it an excuse to have a campfire and burn all those weeds you so despise, but all that sugar should make you a speedy weeding machine. Well... Either that or a ADHD weeding machine...


•   A garden salad (if you're into the healthy sort of foods...) is also a good weeding the garden food choice. Should you find any wild greens, you can simply mix them into the salad and enjoy your weeds with a delightful douse of vinaigrette.


•   Corn dogs are always a good choice because you can easily eat them without removing your dirty gardening gloves.


•   A beer helmet filled with lemonade makes for a refreshing summertime sip. (And if a little vodka should find it's way into the lemonade – all that weeding becomes a lot more entertaining...)


•   And perhaps the best weeding the garden food of all time is – gummy worms. Because let's face it – all your nosy neighbors are watching you weed the garden, and you might as well give them something to talk about: “You know what I saw? I saw him eat a worm straight from his garden! That crazy hippie chef...”

The End of Days Party, Part XXV

Continuing on with my series of doomsday party tips, I thought that I would take a few moments today to discuss one of the finer points of entertaining – selecting the guest list. This issue is particularly important to successful doomsday partying. Let's be honest here – if the Mayan calendar is correct and December 21st does mark the end of civilization as we know it, you could be spending the rest of your post-apocalyptic life with your dinner guests. And if you don't like those guests, it could be a very long post-apocalyptic life, indeed. So to help prevent that unfortunate event, allow me to offer you the following guest list planning tips:

•   Be sure to invite a few especially strong people. They come in handy when you need to build a log cabin, haul firewood, and/or fight zombies.


•   Be sure to invite a few especially weak people. That way when the zombies eventually overpower the strong people and start chasing you, you'll be able to outrun the weaklings and get to safety.


•   Never invite Hannibal Lecter, the Korowai tribe of New Guinea, or members of the Donner Party to your Doomsday party. When the food supply runs out, they'll make a new one...


•   Always invite MacGuyver. Not only can he build a shopping mall out of a Q-Tip and some duct tape, but his mullet makes for some post-apocalyptic comic relief.

Ten Gifts for that Special Prisoner

The summertime is also a great time to visit all those incarcerated friends and family members that you never get to see. And if you are in need of a gift idea for that special prisoner, look no further than today's blog. I have a list of ten gift ideas that any prison inmate will be thrilled to receive.

Ten Gifts for that Special Prisoner

• Two-ply toilet paper – after 50 years to life of single-ply toilet paper, that special prisoner will really appreciate the two-ply strength and softness.

• An alibi – this is the gift that keeps on giving long after that subsequent appeal hearing.

• Some saltwater taffy – it lasts a long time and is an effective way to get the taste of that prison slop out of one's mouth.

• A new toothbrush – not only will this help fight plaque and gingivitis, but can be easily fashioned into a shank should the need arise.

• A hilarious “Get Out of Jail Free” card from a Monopoly game – if they don't think this is funny, at least you'll still have the bars between you...

• Soap on a rope – no explanation needed there...

• Some corn dogs – because let's face it, nothing says watch your back quite like a corn dog...

• A pet rock, named Sharon Stone – if all else fails she'll be useful in a prison riot.

• A mattress pee cover – you think hotel mattresses are dirty...

A candy-filled Christmas stocking – because let's face it, that special prisoner hasn't seen a calendar in years. He/she has no clue it's not Christmas. So why not nail two birds with one stone, eh?

The Beach Party

With the days getting hotter and hotter, you might be in the mood to hit the beach. So why not host a beach party? It's really quite simple... Err, well... It's quite simple in Maine. If you live in a landlocked state like... oh, let's say – Nebraska – a beach party might also involve the installation of a swimming pool, a couple of truckloads of sand, some shattered nerves, and probably the eventual purchase of a couple of plane tickets to a coastal state... But assuming that you don't live in Nebraska, a beach party is a fun and easy summer party idea. And today, I'll offer you a few tips that should make the experience even more enjoyable.

• Don't over think the menu. It's a beach party! Sure, it might be fun to have a seven-course dinner on the beach. But unless you intend to bring a refrigerator along with you, I think it's best to stick with the basics – some sandwiches, a salad or two, and a few dozen cookies.
• Also, keep in mind that beach parties are meant to be fun and lighthearted. So, it is the perfect time to break out that “Kiss the Cook” barbecue apron, t-shirt, or baseball cap. It is not, however, the time to break out that “Kiss the Cook” speedo...
• Stock up on beer, ketchup, and toilet paper.
•  Hire a lifeguard. Aside from the fact that you don't want anyone to get hurt at your beach party, a lifeguard makes a great beach party decoration! Especially when that lifeguard looks like someone from the cast of “Baywatch,” if you know what I mean...
• And lastly, DON'T FORGET THE SUNSCREEN! Trust me – if you've ever thought that a leg of lamb smells a little funky when it's overcooked, try sitting next to all 300-pounds of sunburnt Uncle Larry the next time you're driving the 30 minutes home from the beach... DON'T FORGET THE SUNSCREEN!

Chicken Enchiladas

OPEN KITCHEN with NATHAN SCOTT

Chicken Enchiladas

If you don’t like or can’t find tomatillos, an equal amount of green tomatoes may be substituted.

Ingredients

            Serves 4

	2	whole (4 split) bone-in, skin-on chicken breasts, patted dry
	1	tablespoon olive oil
		Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
	1	pound (about 8) tomatillos, husks removed, rinsed, and halved
	1	white onion, peeled and cut into ½-inch slices
	1	jalapeño, halved and seeds removed (optional)
	4	cloves garlic, unpeeled
	¼	cup fresh cilantro, chopped
	1	tablespoon freshly squeezed lime juice
	1	teaspoon ground cumin
	12	corn tortillas (6 inches each), warmed
	8	ounces Cheddar Jack cheese, shredded

Directions

1.    Preheat the oven to 375°F.  Arrange the chicken breasts on a parchment-lined baking sheet.  Drizzle the chicken with the olive oil and season with salt and black pepper.  Roast the chicken in the preheated oven for 20 minutes.  Then, arrange the tomatillos, onion, jalapeño, and garlic around the chicken.  Continue to roast until the chicken is cooked through and the vegetables are tender, 15 to 20 minutes more.  Remove and cool until easy to handle.

2.    Discard the husks from the garlic, and transfer the cloves to the bowl of a food processor, fitted with the steel blade attachment.  Add in the tomatillos, onion, jalapeño, cilantro, and lime juice.  Pulse until the mixture is well pureed.  Season with salt and black pepper.

3.    Shred the chicken into a mixing bowl (discarding the skin and bones).  Stir the cumin, as well as 1 cup of the tomatillo salsa, into the chicken.  Season with salt and black pepper.

4.    Pour the remaining tomatillo salsa into a shallow dish.  Dip the warm tortillas in the salsa, coating both sides with the salsa.  Fill each tortilla with some of the chicken mixture, and arrange the enchiladas, seam-side-down, in a 9-by-13-inch baking dish.  Top the enchiladas with any remaining tomatillo salsa, and sprinkle with the cheese.  Bake in the preheated 375°F oven until the cheese is hot and bubbly, about 15 minutes.   

Taking the Hard Out of Hard-Boiled

In the store the other day, I saw this product that claimed to “take the hassle out of hard-boiling an egg.” Right... Well, I don't know about you, but I've never had a problem with hard-boiling eggs. You put the egg in water, you boil it, and TA-DA! Now, granted, it does take a few minutes to boil. And peeling the hard-boiled egg can get a little messy. But is any of that truly difficult? Really, the only challenge is knowing when to take the egg out of the water. And even then, what's the worse thing that could happen? The egg overcooks a bit, and you end up with that ugly green patina around the yolk. Oh no! Somebody call 911, there's a green patina on my yolk! I mean, really?

Well, for some reason I picked up the package and read some of the gadget's directions. Which were fairly basic – crack egg into the gadget, screw the thing shut, and toss into a pot of boiling water to hard-boil. Basically, they're the same directions as provided above, only in this case you crack the egg open before you cook it. And it made no mention of overcooking the egg to a green patina. So it fails to even address the most challenging aspect of egg hard-boiling.

Needless to say, I didn't purchase the gadget. And to the people who created the gadget – nice try, but I think I'll be keeping my $1.50.

End of Days, Part XXIV

When planning your End-of-the-Mayan-Calendar Party, it is important to select the right location for your party.  Sure it might be convenient to host the party in the comforts of your own home.  But is that truly the best location?  After all, this might very well be the last party you ever host.  So, it's important to choose the perfect location for your end-of-the-world party.  And in an effort to help you select that perfect party site, allow me to offer the following advice.

• Never host your party in a valley, lowland, or gravel pit.  If/when the world floods in a most Noah's Ark-ian manner, you and your dinner guests will not want to find themselves at the bottom of a newly formed ocean.

• If you live in Antarctica, you might consider moving your party to a different continent.  Should the Sun explode on December 21st, you and your guests are not going to want to be anywhere near the Hole in the Ozone Layer - you might get a little sunburnt.

• Be sure to avoid hosting your Armageddon party near a cemetery.  If/when the zombies start to roam freely, you and your party guests will not want to find yourselves being the first items on the the all-you-can-eat brain buffet.

• And lastly, if you live in or near a corn field, you might want to consider hosting your party elsewhere.  otherwise, if/when the aliens land you may find yourself on the receiving end of a rather unpleasant probe.  

The Roofing Party and Other Ideas

If the recent storms have caused any damage at your house, you might be thinking, “When will I have the time to throw a dinner party this summer? I'm always too busy fixing the holes in my roof, the flood in my basement, and the hot air balloons caught in my trees?” Well, worry about that no more. Today, I'll share with you a few simple party ideas that should not only be fun, but also help you get some of those pesky home repairs finished a little faster.

• Did a recent flash flood wash out your garden? Well, why not host a garden party? Make some snacks, dig out your garden tools, and invite some friends over for a B.Y.O.P. garden party. (B.Y.O.P., of course, standing for Bring Your Own Plants.) Just be certain not to invite any of your more... colorful friends. They might interpret the B.Y.O.P. acronym on the invitation as meaning – Bring Your Own Pot. And then you'll have a garden filled with what may or may not be illicit “herbs.”
  
  
• Did the strong winds blow a few shingles off your roof? Then, I suggest you invite some friends for a leisurely hike up Mount MyRoof. All you need is a picnic lunch, a square of shingles, and you're off to the summit of Mount MyRoof – replacing broken shingles all along the way.
  
  
• Has your basement taken on a little water? Well, I should say that solution is simple enough – host a pool party! Gather up the neighborhood kids and send them into the basement with every sump pump, mop, bucket, and SpongeBob you can find. In no time at all, that water will be out of there. Just be prepared - the mess in the basement will most likely be a great deal worse after the kids are played out...
  
  
• Did a couple of lightening bolts knock down a nearby tree? To me that sounds like the perfect opportunity to host a caveman-themed bonfire. After all, that is how most caveman bonfires started... So string a few steaks on a stick to roast over the flaming tree, invite the neighbors over, and enjoy the authentic caveman meal.

A Rainy Summer's Day

Since it has rained pretty much everyday this summer, I thought I would revisit a topic I covered a few weeks ago – entertaining the children over summer vacation. My earlier suggestions focused mainly on getting the kiddies outside to enjoy the sunshine and maybe even exercise a bit (not to mention get them out of your hair for a couple hours each day). But since Mother Nature seems rather intent upon drowning us with storm after storm, I thought that today I would take a moment to provide you with a few foul-weather activities that should keep the children entertained.

• Let the kids paint their bedrooms. Sure there is always the risk that they will decide to paint the rooms some terrible shade of puke green, but the way I figure it – the kids are up, they're moving around, and their rooms are getting a fresh coat of paint (be it puke green or otherwise). Plus, in most cases it doesn't matter what color they choose – their rooms are often so messy that nobody can even see the color of the walls beneath the piles of dirty clothes, unmade bedding, and action figures that for some reason are hanging from the ceiling fan...
  
  
• Teach the children how to use a carpet shampooer. Granted, no child is ever going to voluntarily shampoo all the carpets in your house. But there is something about squirting the soapy water all over the floors and watching the machine suck up all that dirty liquid that fascinates children (even if it is just for a short while). So in the end, children are entertained and some of your floors get cleaned. It's win, win!
  
  
• Dig out one of the ol' board games and encourage the children to play a game together. Or better yet, dig out all the ol' board games and encourage the children to jumble them together into one creative, albeit convoluted, super board game that could them be patented and sold to one of the big board game companies. You'll make a killing!
  
  
• And if all else fails, buy the kids a waterproof tent and send them outside to enjoy their summer vacation regardless of how much rain is falling.

Blueberry-Lemon Crumb Bars

OPEN KITCHEN with NATHAN SCOTT

Blueberry-Lemon Crumb Bars

Cut into bars and served with ice-cold milk, these Blueberry-Lemon Crumb Bars are always a favorite.

Ingredients

            Makes one 8-by-11-inch pan

	2¼	cups, plus 1 tablespoon, all-purpose flour
	½	teaspoon baking powder
		Kosher salt
	¾	cup (1½ sticks) unsalted butter, softened, plus more for greasing
	1	cup, plus 1 tablespoon, granulated sugar
	3	large eggs
		Zest of 1 lemon, finely grated
	½	cup milk
	8	ounces fresh or frozen blueberries
	¾	cup light-brown sugar
	¼	teaspoon ground cinnamon

Directions

1.    Preheat the oven to 350ºF.  Butter an 8-by-11-inch baking pan and set aside.  Sift 1½ cups of the flour together with the baking powder and ¼ teaspoon of the salt.  Set aside.

2.    In the bowl of an electric mixer, fitted with the paddle attachment, cream together ½ cup (1 stick) of the butter with 1 cup of the granulated sugar until light and fluffy, 3 to 5 minutes.  Scrape down the sides of the bowl, as needed, with a rubber spatula.  Incorporate the eggs and lemon zest, one at a time, mixing well after each addition.  Then, with the mixer running on low, alternate adding the reserved flour and milk.  Mix until everything is well combined, and then pour the batter into the prepared baking pan and set aside.

3.    In a mixing bowl, toss the blueberries together with 1 tablespoon of granulated sugar and 1 tablespoon of flour.  Sprinkle the blueberry mixture evenly over the surface of the batter.

4.    In a mixing bowl, combine the remaining ¾ cup of flour and ¼ cup (½ stick) of butter with the brown sugar, cinnamon, and a pinch of salt.  Cut in the butter, until the mixture resembles coarse meal. Sprinkle the streusel mixture evenly over the top of the blueberries.

5.    Bake in the preheated oven until a cake tester inserted into the center of the dessert comes out clean, 50 to 55 minutes.  Remove from the oven and cool before serving.