The End of Days Party, Part XXV

Continuing on with my series of doomsday party tips, I thought that I would take a few moments today to discuss one of the finer points of entertaining – selecting the guest list. This issue is particularly important to successful doomsday partying. Let's be honest here – if the Mayan calendar is correct and December 21st does mark the end of civilization as we know it, you could be spending the rest of your post-apocalyptic life with your dinner guests. And if you don't like those guests, it could be a very long post-apocalyptic life, indeed. So to help prevent that unfortunate event, allow me to offer you the following guest list planning tips:

•   Be sure to invite a few especially strong people. They come in handy when you need to build a log cabin, haul firewood, and/or fight zombies.


•   Be sure to invite a few especially weak people. That way when the zombies eventually overpower the strong people and start chasing you, you'll be able to outrun the weaklings and get to safety.


•   Never invite Hannibal Lecter, the Korowai tribe of New Guinea, or members of the Donner Party to your Doomsday party. When the food supply runs out, they'll make a new one...


•   Always invite MacGuyver. Not only can he build a shopping mall out of a Q-Tip and some duct tape, but his mullet makes for some post-apocalyptic comic relief.