End of Days, Part XVII

Since Mother's Day is this weekend, I thought I would take a moment today to offer you a few tips on how to entertain your mother, should she be attending your End-of-the-Mayan-Calendar Party.  After all, how one goes about entertaining Mom is distinctly different from entertaining perhaps any other person on Earth.  And considering as how your end-of-the-world party could very well be the last opportunity you'll have to host dear mommy as a dinner guest, you'll definitely want to get it right.  Otherwise, you're liable to spend the rest of your post-apacolyptic life listening to Mom go on and on about how Mrs. Felgerstein's son, "the Doctor," would have known to at least put out a brisket or something for party guests to nosh on while the zombies were rising, the aliens landing, and the sun exploding.  


But anyway...  Here are my suggestions.  When entertaining your mother, always:

• Wear a sweater - it'll save you from hearing "Put a sweater on, it's cold" all night long.  (Plus, the sweater should keep you warm if/when a comet impacts the planet, sending us into another ice age...)

• Invite her to reseason the food before it goes out onto the buffet table.  (Or better yet - just give her a set of salt and pepper shakers to hold onto for the evening - she'll probably end up reseasoning a brain or two for a nearby zombie before the night is done.)

• Politely introduce her to all your friends and encourage small talk.  That way she won't think you're hanging out with a bad crowd.  (Also, don't forget to introduce her to any aliens that might land!  Knowing how concerned she is about the cost of healthcare, she'll probably appreciate the free probing...)

• And don't forget to stop by the drug store and pick up a shower cap.  If the Earth starts to flood in a most Noah's Ark-ian manner, it'll just ruin her hair...