The End of Days Party, Part I

As I'm sure many of you have heard – the Mayan calendar expires this year. And whether you believe the sun will flare, the world will end, or the aliens will land, December 21, 2012 sure does sound like a great day for a party! (Err... Well... It may be the last day for a party.) so I thought that I would take some time today to kick off a series of doomsday party tips. They might not all be Mayan-approved, but they sure will be fun.

• Location, location, location... Find the perfect location for you party. It should be fairly well secured with locking doors and windows, barbed wire fencing, and some form of crocodile-infested mote. The location should also be situated far away from any volcanoes, fault lines, flood zones, or corn fields in which UPOs could circle.
  
  
• Develop/purchase some sort of Gilligan Island-esque bicycle-powered generator. That way when the power goes out, you will still be able to power the blender. After all, nothing ruins an end-of-the-world party like running out of margaritas...
  
  
• Be sure to stock up on the essentials – beer, ketchup, and toilet paper.
  
  
• And normally I would recommend that you acquire a greased up piglet to entertain the kids. But since the kids will be outdoors playing a lively game of dodge the falling satellite, I think that piglet is best fed a healthy diet of slop and kept in a secure place. After all - when the food supply runs out – that little piglet will be a very valuable source of bacon.