The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I must say, tomorrow may very well be my favorite day of the year. It's National Eat What You Want Day!!! It's a day to forget about all things healthy, and gluttonously devour all those foods you deprive yourself of every other day of the year. And in celebration of National Eat What You Want Day, I've complied a few recipe suggestions that you should find diet-bustingly delicious. Enjoy!

• Duck confit always tops my National Eat What You Want Day menu. It's basically a duck leg that is heavily spiced and then braised for a long period of time in pure duck fat... Yeah... It clogs the arteries just thinking about it, but it sure is tasty. Mmmm.... duck confit... .
  
  
• For those of you who don't have the time to make duck confit, I recommend a couple of those KFC double-downs. You know what I mean? Those sandwiches that replaced fried chicken for bread. Yeah, get a couple of those, they're just about as heart healthy as duck confit. (And since it's National Eat What You Want Day, I would also recommend that you wash down that double-down with some form of eggnog – one of the most calorie-laden drinks ever made!)
  
  
• Also, remember to top everything with a healthy layer of bacon. In fact, instead of thinking of bacon as a delicious breakfast meat, think of it more as... a verb. Don't just roast a chicken, bacon and roast a chicken. Try baconing your stuffed-baked haddock. And serve your dinner guests a deliciously baconed maple pound cake.
  
  
• Today is also a great day to let the kids have some fun in the kitchen. Why not teach them how to make their own chicken nuggets, fish sticks, and Twinkies? They'll get a cooking lesson, and you'll both get to eat some of life's greatest guilty pleasures. It's win, win.
  
  
• And it wouldn't be National Eat What You Want Day without dessert. So make a selection of your favorite desserts. And then, sandwich your serving(s) of dessert between two chocolate chip cookies for the perfect (utensil-free) finale to a great day!

End of Days, Part XVII

Since Mother's Day is this weekend, I thought I would take a moment today to offer you a few tips on how to entertain your mother, should she be attending your End-of-the-Mayan-Calendar Party.  After all, how one goes about entertaining Mom is distinctly different from entertaining perhaps any other person on Earth.  And considering as how your end-of-the-world party could very well be the last opportunity you'll have to host dear mommy as a dinner guest, you'll definitely want to get it right.  Otherwise, you're liable to spend the rest of your post-apacolyptic life listening to Mom go on and on about how Mrs. Felgerstein's son, "the Doctor," would have known to at least put out a brisket or something for party guests to nosh on while the zombies were rising, the aliens landing, and the sun exploding.  


But anyway...  Here are my suggestions.  When entertaining your mother, always:

• Wear a sweater - it'll save you from hearing "Put a sweater on, it's cold" all night long.  (Plus, the sweater should keep you warm if/when a comet impacts the planet, sending us into another ice age...)

• Invite her to reseason the food before it goes out onto the buffet table.  (Or better yet - just give her a set of salt and pepper shakers to hold onto for the evening - she'll probably end up reseasoning a brain or two for a nearby zombie before the night is done.)

• Politely introduce her to all your friends and encourage small talk.  That way she won't think you're hanging out with a bad crowd.  (Also, don't forget to introduce her to any aliens that might land!  Knowing how concerned she is about the cost of healthcare, she'll probably appreciate the free probing...)

• And don't forget to stop by the drug store and pick up a shower cap.  If the Earth starts to flood in a most Noah's Ark-ian manner, it'll just ruin her hair...

Mother's Day Partying 101

With Mother’s Day quickly approaching, you may be thinking about that Mother’s Day party. And if you are looking for a creative and fun way to celebrate that special lady, then look no further than today’s blog. Below you will find a few suggestions that should entertain the entire family and recognize your mother for all the wonderful things she does every day. Of course, as with all my tips, it really does depend upon your situation. So feel free to change these tips to suit your needs.

• It seems that breakfast in bed has become an integral part of celebrating Mother’s Day. But if you are looking to put an interesting twist on the classic breakfast a la bedroom, then why not move the bed? While your mother is sleeping, gang up with your siblings and drag her mattress outside. Not only will your mother awaken to the wonderful smells of bacon, eggs, and coffee, but she’ll also be surrounded by nature and covered in morning dew (and possibly other things depending upon the neighborhood birds, dogs, and sprinklers…)
  
  
• What mother doesn’t like a day of beauty? Of course, if that all-inclusive trip to the day spa is a bit out of your price range, then simply make a spa in your kitchen. Used tea bags placed over the eyes are great for reducing puffiness. Avocado smeared across the skin is a wonderful moisturizer and a rich source of Vitamin E, and coarse salt or sugar mixed with a little extra-virgin olive oil can be used as a simple and affordable exfoliate. Plus, a home-spa experience like this is a great bit of family time. And if your mother gets at all hungry during her spa day, she can simply lick the avocado off her face for an impromptu guacamole.
  
  
• And don’t forget to help mom out around the house. Mother’s Day is a great opportunity to help mom with the cleaning, cooking, laundry, and everything else she does for the family. Just be certain to ask her for directions before proceeding. Let’s be honest, confusing the bleach bottle for the carpet shampoo would probably not end up being the great Mother’s Day gift that you had planned…

Well, those are my ideas for Mother’s Day entertaining. If you’re a mother, allow me to say “Happy Mother’s Day.” And if you’re not a mother, allow me to remind you that Mother’s Day is this coming Sunday, so be certain to do something special for that special lady.

Mother's Day Card Writing 101

Mother's Day Card Writing 101

Did you know that Mother's Day is one of the busiest days of the year for most post offices? Well, it is. And rightly so, I should say. Let's be honest here, our mothers survived the agony of child birth, the terrible twos, and the terribler teens – so the least we can do is send a card. And with that in mind, today I will offer you a simple note to inscribe within that requisite Mother's Day card. Of course, you know your mother better than I. So, feel free to adapt this note to suit your needs.

Dear Mom,

Thank you for the love, the kindness, and care;

Thank you for giving up the size zero jeans for the maternity wear.

Thank you for the patience, the devotion, and praise;

Thank you for scaring the monsters, repelling the bullies, and kissing the booboo bandaids.

Thank you for the lessons you taught, the stories you read, and the “I told you so's” you shared;

Thank you for tolerating my punk-rock years that probably left you really quite scared.

Thank you for the hot cocoas, fish sticks, and mac' and cheese;

Thank you for forgiving me that time I flushed down your car keys.

Thank you for being there unconditionally and true;

Thank you for it all, and always know – I love you.

Pork and Avocado Tortas

OPEN KITCHEN with NATHAN SCOTT

Pork and Avocado Tortas

Served on a crusty roll with lots of avocado and fresh goat cheese, this Mexican sandwich is perfect for serving at that Cinco de Mayo party.

Ingredients

            Serves 4

	1	2-pound boneless pork shoulder roast, trimmed of excess fat
	1	can (15 ounces) black beans, rinsed and drained
	1	can (15 ounces) diced tomatoes in juice
	1	yellow onion, peeled and chopped
	2 - 3	chipotle chilies in adobo sauce, chopped
	8	cloves garlic, peeled and minced
	1	tablespoon dried oregano
	1	tablespoon ground cumin
	1	teaspoon ground coriander
		Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
	4	crusty rolls, split in half and lightly toasted
	2	tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, for brushing
	1	medium avocado, peeled, pitted, and sliced
	4	ounces goat cheese, softened

Directions

1.    Place the pork roast, black beans, tomatoes, onion, chilies, and garlic in a Crock-Pot or other slow cooker.  Add the oregano, cumin, coriander, and season with salt and black pepper.  Cover and cook on low heat for 8 hours (6 hours on high heat), or until the pork is very tender.

2.    Remove the pork from the Crock-Pot and transfer it to a cutting board.  Allow the roast to cool until easy to handle.  Meanwhile, skim any excess fat from the surface of the cooking liquid and discard.  With two forks, shred the pork and return the meat to the cooking liquid.  Stir to thoroughly combine, and then season the mixture to taste with additional salt and black pepper.

3.    Brush each half of the toasted crusty rolls with olive oil.  Spoon a generous portion of the pork mixture onto each bottom half of the rolls.  Top the pork with a few slices of avocado.  Then, spread some of the goat cheese on each top half of the rolls, and arrange them in place on top of the sandwiches.

For When Your Stomach Fights Back

Did that third slice of pizza give you heartburn? Is your colon now gurgling because you popped one too many jalapeno poppers? Are you sweating profusely because that fresh salmon skin roll may not have been so fresh? Well if that is the case, you're going to want to read today's posting. I'll be discussing some of my favorite home remedies for gastrointestinal distress. So take a quick swig of Pepto and read on.

• Fresh or dried papaya is actually a great cure for heartburn. It contains papain (an enzyme that aids in digestion) and works as an all-natural heartburn remedy. But a couple words of warning when using this tip: eating too much papaya can actually give your skin a somewhat orangey tinge (much like excessive carrot consumption). And papaya also acts as a natural laxative. So unless you hope to end up with Oompa Loompa orange skin and and a case of diarrhea, go easy on the papaya – a little goes a long way.
  
  
• And if you do happen to eat too much papaya, don't worry – you can still rebalance your colon with some friendly probiotics. Probiotics are living microorganisms that help regulate your digestive tract. They are found in most forms of yogurt (as well as some pickled foods, miso, and tempeh, etc.), and are quite safe to eat. Just be warned, those Jamie Lee Curtis yogurt commercials do overlook one key side effect. Probiotics do tend to cause gas (especially at first). So, be sure to open a few windows...
  
  
• Peppermint can be used to treat most gastrointestinal concerns. In fact, the ancient Egyptians used peppermint to treat everything from heartburn to irritable bowel. Plus, peppermint has the added benefit of masking your terrible breath. It's win, win!
  
  
• If you're feeling nauseous, gnaw on some ginger or – better yet – have some ginger ale. I must admit, I include this tip only because my parents swear by it. I actually find that the carbonation of the ginger ale upsets my stomach further. But if you are of the belief that such ginger-flavored sodas can help, then drink away!
  
  
• And lastly, if you got gas, eat something that is spiced with cumin. And I know what you're thinking – cumin is popular in Mexican cooking. And those spicy bean burritos are what started this whole gastrointestinal situation, but trust me. Cumin contains Thymol, a compound that stimulates digestion and gets things moving...

I hope these tips have helped. And I hope you feel better soon.

End of Days, Part XVI

When planning your End-of-the-Mayan-Calendar Party, it is important to select the right location for your party.  Sure it might be convenient to host the party in the comforts of your own home.  But is that truly the best location?  After all, this might very well be the last party you ever host.  So, it's important to choose the perfect location for your end-of-the-world party.  And in an effort to help you select that perfect party site, allow me to offer the following advice.

• Never host your party in a valley, lowland, or gravel pit.  If/when the world floods in a most Noah's Ark-ian manner, you and your dinner guests will not want to find themselves at the bottom of a newly formed ocean.

• If you live in Antarctica, you might consider moving your party to a different continent.  Should the Sun explode on December 21st, you and your guests are not going to want to be anywhere near the Hole in the Ozone Layer - you might get a little sunburnt.

• Be sure to avoid hosting your Armageddon party near a cemetery.  If/when the zombies start to roam freely, you and your party guests will not want to find yourselves being the first items on the the all-you-can-eat brain buffet.

• And lastly, if you live in or near a corn field, you might want to consider hosting your party elsewhere.  otherwise, if/when the aliens land you may find yourself on the receiving end of a rather unpleasant probe.  

So You're Having a Bad Day

Are you having a bad day? Well, I suppose we all do from time to time. So, today I'll offer you some of my favorite bad day pick-me-ups in the hopes that they may help make you feel a little bit better.

• Purchase and eat anything with the word “chocolate” on the label
• Flick blobs of jelly by the spoonful at the wall
• Empty a bag of marbles at the top of a flight of stairs and watch them tumble down (this is especially humorous if someone is walking up the stairs)
• Attempt to make a bacon filled donut
• Sneak into a frat party and lose at a drinking game
• Go the the gym (the day is already terrible – it seems somehow appropriate that your muscles would also be sore)
• Sculpt a decorative swan, duck, or peacock out of aluminum foil
• Lock the door, turn out the lights, and play agoraphobic
• Call up a buddy and go fishing (a.k.a. sit beside a pond and drink a beer)
• Take up competitive channel surfing, oyster shucking, or waffle stacking

Painting 101

With little explanation, I find myself itching to get outside and begin that most laborious of springtime chores – repainting the house. Now don't get me wrong, I rather dread the actual work involved in repainting a house. But I do enjoy the time outside and the simple satisfaction of watching the paint dry. And I suppose in anticipation of spring's eventual arrival, I have taken it upon myself to also repaint a few rooms inside the house. (I suppose you could call it practice for when the temperature rises, and I can paint outdoors without fear of frostbite.)

But all that aside, I would like to offer you a few tips and techniques that should help make your springtime repainting as painless as possible. Of course, as with all my tips, it does depend upon your situation. So feel free to pick and choose which tips suit your needs the best.

• If you don't want paint on it, cover it up. Sure, it does take some time to tape up all the trim and lay out the drop cloths. But in the end, you will save yourself the time and frustration of scraping off all that unwanted paint. Plus when you're all done painting, you get to tear off all that tape and create a giant, sticky ball to adhere to the back of your house cat. And that's funny, right there.
  
  
• If you're not sure what color to choose, start in the closet. And that's not to say – look in the closet for inspiration from your clothes (which I suppose you could do...). But the true meaning of this tip is to say – pick a paint color you like and start painting inside the closet. That way when you discover that walls should never be painted neon teal, you can simply choose another color to paint the rest of the room, and keep your closet door closed at all times.
  
  
• Always make sure that the lid is firmly in place before shaking the paint can. Unless, of course, you are going for the blood spatter look...
  
  
• Artists always sign their work. So be certain to paint your name or another secret message in the center of each wall before proceeding to paint the rest of the wall.
  
  
• And finally, if you simply abhor painting, then do something “abstract.” Purchase several gallons of paint in various colors and slosh them about the house. If anyone asks why you're doing that, simply say something like: “It's an existential representation of my acrimony for society's preoccupation with chromatic conformity.” Like they'll know what that means...

Baked Eggs in Toast Cups

OPEN KITCHEN with NATHAN SCOTT

Baked Eggs in Toast Cups

Served with a simple tomato salad, this recipe makes the perfect addition to any brunch menu.

Ingredients

            Serves 6

	¼	cup, plus 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, plus more for greasing
	6	slices whole-wheat bread
		Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
	6	large eggs
	2	pounds assorted tomatoes, such as beefsteak, cherry, pear, and grape
	1	bunch (about 4 ounces) watercress or arugula, well washed and dried
	2	tablespoons balsamic vinegar
	1	tablespoon fresh chives, finely chopped, plus more for garnish
		Parmesan cheese, shaved, for garnish
	1	pound bacon, cooked until crispy and drained of excess grease

Directions

1.    Preheat the oven to 375°F.  Lightly grease a large 6-cup muffin tin with olive oil and set aside.  If desired, remove the crusts from the 6 slices of bread and discard.  Using a rolling pin, flatten the slices of bread.  Then, brush one side of each slice of bread with 1 teaspoon of the olive oil, and season with salt and black pepper.  Gently press the bread, greased-side-down, into the prepared muffin tin, being sure the slices of bread completely line the muffin cups.  Place in the preheated oven and bake until lightly toasted, about 2 minutes.

2.    Remove the muffin tin from the oven.  Crack one egg into each bread cup, being careful not to break the yolk.  Season the egg with salt and black pepper.  Then, return the muffin tin to the oven and continue to bake until the egg white is just set and the yolk is still soft, 12 to 15 minutes.  (If you prefer your eggs to be hard-cooked, continue baking to the desired degree of doneness.) 

3.    While the eggs are baking, trim the tomatoes and cut them into bite-sized pieces.  Combine the tomatoes in a mixing bowl with the watercress or arugula.  In a separate mixing bowl, whisk the remaining ¼ cup olive oil together with the balsamic vinegar and 1 tablespoon of chives.  Season the vinaigrette with salt and black pepper and drizzle over the tomato salad. 

4.    Remove the eggs from the oven and cool slightly before transferring the baked eggs to six serving plates.  Divide the salad evenly between the plates and garnish each serving with the shaved Parmesan cheese, additional chives, and bacon.