Orange-Almond Tea Cake

ORANGE-ALMOND TEA CAKE

Flavored with almond extract and lots of orange zest, this recipe for Orange-Almond Tea Cake is a simple dessert that is sure to become a family favorite.

Makes one 9-inch loaf

¾	cup (1½ sticks) unsalted butter, softened, plus more for greasing
1	cup granulated sugar
3	large eggs
2	teaspoons pure almond extract
	Zest of 3 oranges, finely grated, plus orange slices for garnish
1¾	cups all-purpose flour
½	teaspoon baking powder
¼	teaspoon kosher salt
½	cup milk
¼	cup light brown sugar, firmly packed
¼	cup sliced almonds, plus more toasted for garnish
1	cup confectioner's sugar, beaten with 2 tablespoons orange juice, for glaze

Preheat the oven to 350ºF. Lightly grease a 9-by-5-inch loaf pan and set aside. In the bowl of an electric mixer, fitted with the paddle attachment, beat ½ cup of the butter together with the granulated sugar until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. Reduce the mixer speed to low and beat in the eggs one at a time, scraping down the bowl with a rubber spatula, as needed. Then, incorporate the almond extract and orange zest.

In a separate bowl, sift 1½ cups of the flour together with the baking powder and salt. With the mixer running on low, alternate adding the flour mixture and milk, beginning and ending with the flour. Pour the batter into the prepared loaf pan and set aside.

In a mixing bowl, combine the remaining ¼ cup of butter and ¼ cup of flour with the light brown sugar and sliced almonds. With your fingers, cut in the butter, until the mixture resembles coarse meal. Sprinkle the streusel mixture evenly over the top of the cake batter.

Bake the cake in the preheated oven until a cake tester inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean, 1 hour to 1 hour and 15 minutes. Remove the cake from the oven and cool. Then, remove the cake from the pan and transfer to a serving dish. Drizzle the cake with the confectioner's sugar glaze, and garnish with slices of orange and toasted almonds.

Birthday Cards and Other Sentiments

If you're like me, you try and send a birthday card to the special people in your life whenever you can (or at least – whenever you remember to). But, one of the greatest challenges of sending a birthday card is determining what to write on the inside. Sure you can simply write “Happy Birthday” and sign your name, but that's not very personal, now is it? So if you're looking for something special to say, but haven't a clue what that is - try one of the inscriptions I have provided below. They're short. They're to the point. And with any luck, they should make the birthday boy/girl chuckle a little bit before diving into that bowl of chocolate cake and ice cream, while crying about how old looking he/she has become.

• You remind me of a good bottle of wine – kind of old... kind of dusty... rather full-bodied... and most importantly you're getting better with age. Happy Birthday!
  
  
• You know, I really didn't like you when we first met. But now that you're a full year older than me and getting some crows feet around your eyes – you're my new wingman! Happy Birthday!
  
  
• Didn't I see you on a milk carton once? Yeah, I'm positive I did. It showed a picture of you and said something like “Best if Used by: December 11, 1994.” Happy Birthday!
  
  
• Don't worry about your age. Both the fire department and EMTs are on standby just in case all those birthday candles get out of control. Happy Birthday!
  
  
• How's 32 years old sound to you? Good? Good. I'll keep your secret if you keep mine. Happy Birthday!

End of Days, Part VIII

Assuming that the Mayan Calendar is correct and the world ends in December of this year, I think it's probably reasonable to assume all you singles out there will want to find that special someone before the aliens land, the locus swarm, and the sun flares.  After all, when the zombies start roaming freely, you're going to need someone to watch your back.  And who better to do that than a significant other?  So in the interest of helping you find a special someone to hold hands with as the world ends, allow me to provide a few bits of dating advice.

• Forget about those clubs, bars, and singles nights.  We're finding you a mate that can survive the apocalypse.  So check out the army surplus stores, camping supply stores, and sportsmen's clubs.  Because let's be honest here - if anyone can survive a zombie apocalypse, it's the people at the army surplus store...

• Steer clear of anyone who actually believes the world is going to end on December 21st.  Trust me - if the world does happen to end by some weird coincidence, you do not want to spend the rest of your post-apocalyptic life with the "I told you so" person.

• Look for someone with practical skills, such as cooking, sewing, farming, and squirrel trapping.  

• And if all else fails, get a dog.  Not only will that dog provide you with companionship during the long nuclear winter, but he'll also provide for some entertainment and comic relief.  After all, when the world ends, there really won't be much else to do other than play games of fetch the zombie arm and chase the tumbleweed.

Ask Nathan: Alcoholic Asparagus?

So the other day, I had a friend ask me, “Nathan Scott (he always refers to me by both names, for some reason), how do I make asparagus alcoholic, but still keep it healthy?” Hmm... Well, I can't say as I've ever had this particular problem come up in my kitchen before. But in the event that others of you out there are so inclined to liquor up your leafy greens, I have come up with a few recipe ideas that I will share with you now.

Of course, allow me to preface this list of ideas with the same fair warning that I gave my friend (whom shall hence forth be called Mr. Glug Glug – in the interest of protecting the innocent). None of these recipe ideas have ever been attempted in my kitchen, and therefore may end up tasting terrible. And furthermore, asparagus is a food known to be a “wine killer,” often creating a terrible aftertaste in the mouth when paired incorrectly with wine.

So, with all that said, here is my list of alcoholic vegetable ideas. Happy drinking!

• Steam the asparagus until it's just tender, and then insert it into a Bloody Mary in lieu of the more traditional celery stick.
  
  
• Pickle the asparagus in a mixture of pickling spice, vodka, and gin.
  
  
• Make an asparagus consomme, and then melt in some gelatin and splash with chilled vodka for a savory version of Jell-O shots.
  
  
• Freeze the asparagus into the center of some ice cubes and make yourself a... well... make yourself anything on the rocks.
  
  
• And if those recipe ideas don't sound appealing to you - prepare the asparagus however you like, eat it, and then make yourself a cocktail for dessert.

And there you have it - my ideas for healthy, alcoholic asparagus. I hope that helps Mr. Glug Glug.  

Mmmm... Sea Cockroaches!

Did you ever wonder about the first person who ate a lobster? Don't get me wrong – I love lobster. But who was the first person to look at a lobster (something that is in effect a giant sea cockroach with massive claws) and say “I'm going to put this in my mouth?” I suppose that's a question that could also be applied to a number of other foods – oysters, sea urchins, SPAM. And I also suppose that the answer is always the same – hunger drives a man to eat just about anything. (Well... except for the SPAM, maybe.)

But what does amaze me is how lobster went from a dirty sea cockroach to a luxury food. Talk about changing a product's image. There was a time that it was considered cruel and unusual punishment to feed prison inmates lobster more than once a week. And now it's considered a final meal standby on death row.

I wonder if such an image change could also be applied to other seemingly low-quality foods. Who knows, perhaps one day we'll all be getting dressed up in our Sunday finest to sample top chef's reinterpretations of vampire bat and gopher liver. And though I do consider myself to be an adventurous eater, I have to admit – I hope that day is a long way off.

Hoisin-Glazed Salmon

HOISIN-GLAZED SALMON

Hoisin sauce is a sort of Chinese barbeque sauce, and today I'll share with you my recipe for Hoisin-Glazed Salmon that is both healthy and delicious.

Serves 4

	Vegetable oil, for greasing
¼	cup hoisin sauce
2	limes, juiced
1	teaspoon granulated sugar
	Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
4	center-cut fillets (6 to 8 ounces each) salmon
4	cups baby lettuces, such as arugula, frisée, and red oak
1	cup sugar snap peas, trimmed
1	medium avocado, peeled, pitted, and cut into ½-inch cubes
¼	cup cilantro, leaves picked
2	tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1	tablespoon honey
¼	cup almonds, toasted and coarsely chopped

Preheat the broiler and place the oven rack in the top third of the oven. Lightly grease a baking sheet with vegetable oil and set aside. In a small mixing bowl, whisk the hoisin sauce together with half of the lime juice. Stir in the sugar and season to taste with salt and black pepper.

Arrange the salmon fillets, flesh-side-up, on the prepared baking sheet. Season the salmon with salt and black pepper. Then, generously brush some of the hoisin glaze on each fillet. Broil the salmon in the preheated oven until cooked through, 8 to 10 minutes. Remove the salmon from the oven and cool slightly.

Meanwhile, in a large mixing bowl, toss together the lettuce, sugar snap peas, avocado, and cilantro. In a separate mixing bowl, whisk the remaining lime juice together with the olive oil and honey. Season the dressing to taste with salt and black pepper. Drizzle the dressing over the salad and garnish the finished salad with a sprinkling of the toasted almonds. Serve with the broiled salmon.

Frozen Food!

Did you know that March is National Frozen Foods Month? Well... it is. And I suspect that it is named National Frozen Foods Month because by the time March rolls around, there really isn't any fresh food left to eat. Let's be honest here, most winter squashes, potatoes, and turnips have long since molded. And forget about such things as fresh grapes, raspberries, and blueberries – they all composted months ago. So basically, all the food that is left to eat is either shipped in from Argentina, canned, or frozen (what great choices: sprayed with who-knows-what preservative, doused in salt water/vinegar, or 98% ice).

Is it spring yet?

Well, I suppose I shouldn't be so hard of such preserved foods. After all, someone out there thought it was a good idea to name this National Frozen Foods Month in recognition of frozen fruits, vegetables, and fish sticks everywhere. And that is good enough for me.

So how does one celebrate this month? Well it's quite simple really. Eat as many frozen vegetables as possible! (Or perhaps I should say – “use” as many frozen vegetables as possible. Let's be honest here, I hardly doubt that I am the only man to ever use a bag of frozen peas to ice an unfortunate baseball-to-the-you-know-where injury.) Not only will you be getting your vegetables, but you'll also be cleaning out the freezer. So when summer rolls around and the gardens are in full swing again, you'll have room to store next winter's crop of frozen foods.

Leap Day 101

Since Leap Day doesn't come around very often, I think it is best that we all take full advantage of this very special day.  And in an effort to make your Leap Day the best it can be, allow me to offer you the following Leap Day party tips:

• First, forget about politics for the day.  It's an election year - you have the next nine months to listen to those talking heads bad mouth each other.  Take today off.  (In fact, I think that is the whole reason leap day coincides with election years - it gives us all a break from the politicians...)

• Forget the diet.  Sure you've been doing well with your New Year's Resolution diet, but this day only comes around once every four years.  Enjoy it!  So break out that can of Vienna sausages, fry up that SPAM, and nacho cheese that buttered popcorn.  Enjoy all those foods you would never eat otherwise.  And if you overindulge, just remember - Pepto cures everything...

• Be sure to dress for success.  Break out that toga, that Snuggie, or that birthday suit.  Leap Day doesn't come around very often, so you might as well dress comfortably.

• When it comes to decorating your home for Leap Day, consider filling the house with such things as:  bunnies, ten lords with restless leg syndrome dressed in their Christmas finest, or some Playboy playmates on trampolines - anything that generally likes to leap, you know...

• Lastly, be sure to invite all your friends to the party.  After all, as my mother always says - "Life is too short to be around people you don't like."  And that is especially true on Leap Day.

End of Days, Part VII

It's never too early to begin thinking about what you will wear to your End-of-the-Mayan-Calendar Party.  After all, if the world does come to an end on December the 21st, you may be wearing that ensemble for a very long time.  So in an effort to help you make the correct fashion choices, allow me to offer you the following Apocalyptic clothing suggestions:

• First, be sure that whatever you wear is loose enough to permit you to run.  After the zombies start roaming freely, you'll thank me for that tip...

• Select neutral clothing colors such as gray or camouflage.  Not only will this make you far less noticeable to potential predators, but neutral color should also go well with the duct tape you will be using to repair the clothing.

• Be sure to wear extra pairs of socks and underwear - you're going to need them...

• Finishing your ensemble off with a flammable scarf or hat is a great fashion decision.  Let's be honest here, after the power goes out, you're going to need something to burn for heat...

• And lastly, whatever you wear - be sure it has A LOT of pockets.  That way you can stuff your pockets with Twinkies, fruitcake, and other never perishables and survive well into the post-Apocalyptic world.

Pasta Twirling

Have you ever seen one of those electric spaghetti forks before? You know what I mean? Those forks that are about the size of an electric toothbrush and operate in much the same manner. Only instead of moving back and forth like the toothbrush, the tines of the electric fork twirl around when you press the button. Apparently they help in twirling one's spaghetti onto the fork for easier consumption. And I suppose in theory it is an... interesting invention. But it does leave me asking one major question – who finds spaghetti twirling so difficult that he/she needs to spend $10 on an electric spaghetti fork?

I suppose one could argue that people with arthritis or some other condition that limits free range of motion might benefit from this invention. But on the other hand, my arthritic great-uncle has difficulty turning a doorknob, much less pressing the tiny button on the spaghetti fork to start the thing a twirling.

And what happens if the fork activates when it's in your mouth? I'll tell you what happens – an unplanned tonsillectomy – that's what. Plus, I'm not exactly sure how I feel about power tools near my face. I have an image of a power surge sending sparks bouncing off my molars. And that just doesn't seem quite right...

Now, don't get me wrong – I'm sure this newfangled twirling fork makes a great addition to anyone's collection of flatware. (Or at the very least, it will make a great prop should anyone ever feel like taking up competitive ribbon twirling/dancing.) But I suppose I'm just old fashioned – I like my forks to stay still and my pasta to be hand-twirled. So to whomever invented this newest kitchen gadget, allow to simply say – nice try, but I think I'll keep my $10.