Thursday, December 22, 2011

Toffee Crunch

TOFFEE CRUNCH

If you're looking for a quick-to-prepare treat to serve this holiday season, try my recipe for Toffee Crunch. It uses only a few ingredients and takes only minutes to cook. Just be certain that you don't make your toffee too thick. Any thicker than ⅛ -inch, and the toffee can become difficult to chew.

Makes one 9-by-9-inch pan

¾
cup (1½ sticks) unsalted butter, plus more for greasing
½
cup pecan halves, toasted and finely chopped
¾
cup light brown sugar, firmly packed
1
tablespoon light corn syrup
¼
teaspoon kosher salt
1
teaspoon pure vanilla extract
¾
cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Lightly grease a 9-by-9-inch baking dish with butter. Sprinkle the toasted pecans in an even layer in the prepared baking dish and set aside.

In a medium saucepan, combine the ¾ cup butter with the brown sugar, corn syrup, and salt. Pour in 1 tablespoon of water and set the pan over medium heat. Bring to a boil. Cook, stirring constantly, until the mixture registers 290ºF on a candy thermometer. Immediately remove the pan from the heat and stir in the vanilla extract. Carefully pour the toffee into the prepared baking dish, creating a ⅛-inch thick layer of toffee over the pecans. Set aside and allow to cool for 2 minutes.

Sprinkle the chocolate chips over the surface of the hot toffee. Cover the dish with a baking sheet and allow the chocolate to melt, about 1 minute. Remove the baking sheet and use an offset spatula to spread the melted chocolate over the surface of the toffee.

Transfer the baking dish to the refrigerator and chill, uncovered, until firm, about 2 hours. Then, remove the candy from the baking dish. Discard the parchment paper and break the candy into bite-size pieces.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Stuffing the Stockings

Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without those “stockings hung by the chimney with care.” Well... assuming, of course, that those stockings are filled with goodies by Christmas morning. But if you happen to forget to stop by the corner store and pick up the requisite candy and Christmas nicknacks, don't worry. I've developed a short list of common household products that can be used to stuff the stockings of even the most demanding of children.

  • Children love anything sugary, even leftover tubes of frosting, sprinkles/jimmies, or any other cake decoration.

  • Stickers, postage stamps, bumper stickers, or anything else that can be stuck to a child's bedroom door make great stocking stuffers.

  • The attic is a stocking stuffer heaven. Just riffle through a few of the duster boxes to find old Polaroid cameras, hand-me-down toys, and pet mice.

  • The telephone book, dictionary, or volume J-K of the encyclopedia make useful gifts that can fill up an entire stocking.

  • Who doesn't like money? Why not fill the stockings with spare change you find under your seat cushions, in the laundry, or at the bottom of your desk drawers? Just be certain the children don't start to play mob boss by swinging their stockings around at each other.

  • Colorful rubber bands make great hair ties or bracelets for girls, or simple slingshots for boys.

  • Kids love things that fizz, so why not give them some Alka-Seltzer, or a bottle of Diet Pepsi and some Mentos?

  • We all have our secret candy stash, so if all else fails – dip into your candy bank and share something with the kiddies.

So if you procrastinated on that stocking stuffer shopping, don't worry. A quick midnight stroll through the house, and you should be able to find enough stuff to fill out those traditional Christmas socks.

Well, I'm off until after New Year's, so allow me to now say - Merry Christmas everyone!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Twelve More Days of Christmas

When was the last time someone actually gave you a partridge in a pear tree? I'll be honest, I've never been given such an elaborate gift, nor have I ever considered giving one. It seems rather foolish really. Why would I give someone a tree in the dead of winter? It's not like you can just plant it in the snow and wait for spring. And furthermore, what does a person actually do with the partridge? You could certainly eat it, but that seems like an awful lot of work now doesn't it – all the plucking and roasting? I should think it would be much easier to give a Butterball in a roasting pan than a partridge in a pear tree.

Besides, doesn't the saying go – a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush? Why am I only getting one partridge in my pear tree? Who is skimping on the partridge here? If one partridge in a pear tree is equal to one-half a partridge in my hand, then I have enough partridge to feed exactly one-half person. (The ol' transitive property of elementary math at work right there.) It seems like an awful lot of trouble to go to - digging up a tree, finding a partridge, and combining the two just to feed one-half person.

And what is up with those seven swans a swimming? Do they come with or without the pond? And are cows included with the eight maids a' milking? Suffice it to say, the song could use a little updating. So without further ado, I give you my version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

  • 12 purple eggplants
  • 11 jars of Pepto
  • 10 bucks for pizza
  • 9 bulbs of garlic
  • 8 ugly neckties
  • 7 handmade mittens
  • 6 bottles of vodka
  • 5 ROLLS OF TP
  • 4 calling cards
  • 3 French kisses
  • 2 chocolate pies
  • And a Butterball in a roasting pan.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Holiday Decorating 101

Though it has been my experience that most people decorate their homes each Christmas with an almost child-like zeal, I think it is safe to assume that at least a few of you out there haven't given it even an ounce of thought. And if that is the case, then let me put your minds at ease. There is still time to deck the halls, and it won't take a lot of time, effort, or money to do it.

  • Chances are if you've procrastinated on putting out the Christmas decorations, you've probably also procrastinated on taking down the Thanksgiving ones. So if that is the case, do a little bit of tweaking. Dig out Santa's flying sleigh and arrange eight of those ceramic turkeys in front of it. It might not be traditional, but I think it makes a lot more sense than reindeer – at least the turkeys have wings.

  • Wrapping paper is always festive, so why not wrap up a few more things? By gift wrapping the refrigerator doors, television set, and house cat, you'll not only make your house the most Christmasy one on the street, but come Christmas morning you'll have even more stuff to unwrap.

  • Nothing livens up a holiday household more than Christmas carols. And a great source of Christmas carols is your own cellphone. Simply download a selection of Christmas ringtones, and ask all your friends to call as soon as they can. And of course if you don't have friends, use your own landline to call your cellphone and keep the Xmas tunes going.

  • Don't have time to pick up that Christmas tree? Don't worry – decorate any ol' house plant, feather duster, or sedentary grandfather.

  • And what is Christmas without mistletoe? The great thing about it is – few people actually know what mistletoe is. So you can get away with stringing just about anything together (from rosemary and cranberries to green yarn and red paint chips) and still get away with calling it mistletoe. Besides, let's be honest here, if someone is willing to kiss you under the mistletoe, that person is probably also willing to kiss you under the almost-letoe.

And now that you have a few ideas as to how to decorate your home for the holidays, stop procrastinating. It's fun, I promise. And even if you don't have fun, you can always just leave the decorations up all year and avoid the hassle next Christmas.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Spinach and Artichoke Lasagna with Mushrooms

SPINACH AND ARTICHOKE LASAGNA WITH MUSHROOMS

If you're entertaining any vegetarians this holiday season, you might consider preparing this recipe for Spinach and Artichoke Lasagna with Mushrooms. It's a delicious vegetarian dish that everyone is sure to enjoy.

Serves 12

½
cup all-purpose flour
¼
cup, plus 1 tablespoon olive oil
1
quart milk
¼
teaspoon ground nutmeg
2
cups grated Parmesan cheese

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1
large yellow onion, peeled and chopped
2
pounds wild mushrooms (such as shiitake, oyster, and chanterelles), brushed, trimmed, and cut into bite-size pieces
8
cloves garlic, peeled and minced
½
cup fresh flat-leaf parsley, coarsely chopped
2
bags (10 ounces each) frozen spinach, thawed, squeezed of excess liquid and chopped
2
cans (14 ounces each) artichoke hearts, drained and chopped
2
bricks (8 ounces each) cream cheese, softened
1
cup cottage cheese
1
pound lasagna pasta, cooked according to the package instructions and drained

Preheat the oven to 350ºF. In a saucepan set over medium heat, combine the flour with ¼ cup olive oil, stirring until the mixture forms a smooth paste. Gradually whisk in the milk and nutmeg. Simmer, stirring often, until thickened, 10 to 15 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat and stir in 1 cup of grated Parmesan, and season well with salt and black pepper.

In a skillet set over medium-high heat, cook the onion in the remaining tablespoon of olive oil until translucent. Then, add in the mushrooms and garlic. Season with salt and black pepper, and continue to cook until the mushrooms are tender and lightly browned, about 10 minutes. Stir in the parsley and remove from the heat. Transfer the mushroom mixture to a large mixing bowl and combine with the spinach, artichoke hearts, cream cheese, and cottage cheese. Mix well and season with additional salt and black pepper, if needed.

Spoon ½ cup of sauce in the bottom of a 9-by-13-inch baking dish. Top with a layer of lasagna, and then spread about ⅓ of the spinach mixture over the top of the pasta. Spoon over ½ cup of sauce and sprinkle with some of the remaining Parmesan. Repeat this layering using the remaining ingredients. Top the final layer of pasta with any remaining sauce and cheese. Bake in the preheated oven until lightly browned and bubbly, about 1 hour. Then, remove and allow the lasagna to cool for at least 20 minutes before cutting and serving.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Secret Santa-ing

The other day, I got to thinking about another common aspect of workplace celebration - the secret Santa gift exchange. If you've never done a secret Santa gift exchange before, it goes something like this – everyone draws a name out of a hat, and you purchase a gift for whomever you drew. Then, at the designated place and time (usually the company office party) you all exchange gifts and say Merry Christmas, drink some eggnog, and go your separate ways.

But all the rules of the game aside, what I started thinking about was - what happens if you get the name of some person you have never met? With more and more conglomerates eating up small business, not to mention outsourcing and globalization, it is entirely possible that you will draw the name of a person you've never met. So what do you do when you're expected to buy a gift for customer service agent Baasim “Timothy” Kumar? (Oh, and did I mention Baasim is in Mumbai? Well, he is. Good luck with that one.)

Well, as I said, I got to thinking about this little problem and developed a short list of possible gift ideas. You can find the list below. I'm sure there are other considerations to take into account. And you know your workplace better than I, so feel free to tweak these ideas to meet your needs.

  • One of the most common secret Santa gifts is a basket of soaps, lotions, and oils. In my opinion, that is the polite way of saying, “You're stinking up the office. Please, bathe more.” So to be a bit more considerate of the feelings of those rank coworkers, I like to give them gift certificates to the local spa. With any luck, the well-trained health spa professionals will be able to scrub the stink off, so you can all work together without gagging.

  • Or you can give out practical gifts. Who doesn't need beer, ketchup, and toilet paper?

  • Of course, if you really have no clue about the person you are buying for, the best thing to do is to go to the store and purchase the most versatile thing you can find. Swiss Army knives (not the best example if you work in a high stress profession where people are at risk of going postal), festive holiday cards or signs that read “Happy Christma-hanu-kwanzaa-kah”, or even a couple rolls of Duct Tape should work out just fine.

  • If you forgot to purchase your secret Santa gift, a quick trip to the office supply closet should do quite nicely. I think most coworkers would appreciate a handmade paperclip necklace, fleet of paper airplanes, or even a new fax machine.

  • And since it is the season for giving, perhaps the best idea I can offer you is to convince your fellow coworkers to forgo this year's gift exchange and each donate something to a local charity or food bank.

And now that you have a few ideas what to purchase for that assigned person, get out there and do it. The secret Santa gift exchange is a fun way to get to know your fellow coworkers and share a couple of laughs.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

In Case You Make a Mistake at the Office Party

This being the season of the office party, it is not unlikely that you'll do/say something foolish and embarrass yourself in front of your coworkers and boss. So in an effort to help you do a little post-party damage control, allow me to provide you with a few day-after-the-party tips...

  • Take a portable stove to work with you and fry up some bacon. It's hard to stay angry with a coworker when he's/she's offering you bacon...

  • Go into the server room and “accidentally” unplug a few things. That way most of your coworkers won't be able to access the Internet and find your embarrassing email(s).

  • Take a double-exposure photo of yourself, frame it, and place it on your desk. Then when people start to make fun of you, simply show them the photo and say - “Yeah, my twin brother/sister is crazy!”

  • Identify the quietest guy in the place, then tell everyone it's his birthday. People will be scrambling about to plan the impromptu birthday party that they'll completely forget about your office party indiscretions. (And the quiet guy? Well... he's so quiet nobody will ever hear him when he says it's not his birthday...)

  • And if all else fails, spike the water cooler and wait. Someone is bound to drink too much “water,” get drunk, and start distributing inappropriate photocopies. Which should effectively shift the attention away from you.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Family Time Survival

The holidays are a time for family. So brace yourselves... And in the interest of helping you prepare for the upcoming onslaught of family reunions, family dinners, and family fights allow me to provide you with a few key tips that should help you get through all that excess family time.

  • Designate one room in the house as the “gift room” and place a sign on that door indicating that everyone should keep out. This serves two purposes. First, it helps keep the nosier family members out of their gifts – so they'll be surprised on Christmas morning. And second, it gives you a quiet room to hide in when you need a break from your talkative aunts, snoring uncles, and perfectionist spouse...

  • Invite as many children (particularly babies) to your family holiday party(ies) as possible. Though they might be noisy and destroy the house – it's very difficult for adults to get angry when there's a cute baby in the room...

  • Stock up with beer, wine, and various spirits. (This tip is self explanatory, I should think...)

  • And lastly, if all the family time becomes too much for you to handle - don't explode at your family. Instead, “accidentally” drop the bomb that your cousin Laura is secretly dating the mayor – who happens to be two-decades older than her and married... And then sit back and relax as everyone's attention focuses off of you and onto your poor cousin...

Monday, December 12, 2011

Gifts Not to Give

When it comes to holiday gift giving, the general rule of thumb is – it's the thought that counts. But in the event that you lack that certain measure of thoughtfulness, allow me to provide you with a short list of gifts not to give that special someone.

  • Never give that techie friend an abacus.
  • Never give newly weds the business card of a great divorce attorney.
  • Never give beer, wine, or vanilla extract to someone in AA.
  • Never give a pair of Spanx to a pregnant women.
  • Never give taffy to someone wearing dentures.
  • Never give a self-help book to your boss.
  • Never give a cold or the flu to anyone.
  • Never give a pet goat to someone living in the city.
  • Never give matches to an arsonist.
  • Never give pre-owned underwear... ever.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Pear and Almond Pavlova

PEAR AND ALMOND PAVLOVA

A pavlova is a sort of meringue-based tart that is topped with whipped cream and fruit. And today, I'll share with you my recipe for Pear and Almond Pavlova that is sure to become one of your family's favorite desserts.

Makes one 10-inch pavlova

4
ounces sliced almonds, plus more for garnish
cups granulated sugar
1
teaspoon cornstarch
4
large egg whites, lightly beaten
1
teaspoon distilled white vinegar
pinch
kosher salt
½
teaspoon pure almond extract
4
ripe Bosc pears, peeled
2
cups cranberry juice
2
cinnamon sticks
1
vanilla bean, pod split and seeds scraped
2
cups whipped cream, for garnish


Preheat the oven to 350ºF and line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Mix the almonds with ¼ cup of sugar and the cornstarch in a food processor, and pulse until finely ground.

In the bowl of an electric mixer set over a pan of simmering water, combine the egg whites, ½ cup sugar, vinegar, and salt. Whisk until the sugar has dissolved and the whites are warm. Return the bowl to the electric mixer and beat (with the whisk attachment) on high speed to soft peaks. Stir in the almond extract and continue to beat to stiff peaks. Then using a rubber spatula, fold in the ground almond mixture. Spread the meringue out into a 10-inch circle on the prepared baking sheet, creating a shallow well in the middle. Bake in the preheated oven for 10 minutes. Then, reduce the oven temperature to 275ºF and continue to bake until the meringue disk is crisp around the edge and just set in the middle, 40 to 50 minutes more. Remove and cool completely before transferring to a serving plate.

In a saucepan, combine the pears with the cranberry juice, remaining cup of sugar, cinnamon sticks, and vanilla bean seeds and pod. Add enough water to completely submerge the pears. Then, set the pan over medium-high heat and simmer until the pears are tender, about 20 minutes. Remove from the heat and cool the pears completely in the poaching liquid.

To finish, top the cooled meringue disk with the whipped cream. Then, remove the pears from their cooking liquid and cut them into bite-size chunks. Arrange the pears on top of the whipped cream, and if desired, drizzle some of the poaching liquid over the dessert.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

The I-Want-To Gift

Yesterday I discussed “If-I-Have-To” gift giving. You know what I mean – those gifts you purchase for all those people in your life whom you really don't want to give gifts to... But what about when you want to give a genuine gift to a genuine friend? What do you give that person when you have no clue what he/she might want? Well today, I'll offer you a few special gift ideas that are perfect for those hard-to-buy-for friends.

  • One (or more) of my cookbooks – the best gift you can give this year
  • Tools/equipment for a new hobby – such as skydiving or paintball (or skydive paintball-ing!)
  • A gift basket filled with cold and flu medicines – a thoughtful gift as we enter this cold and flu season
  • A bunch of scratcher lottery tickets – you might just be giving that friend a couple of million dollars
  • A membership to the Mustard of the Month Club – the gift that keeps on giving
  • Bacon, lots and lots of bacon – everyone loves bacon (well... except for vegetarians I suppose – but then again, more vegetarians relapse on bacon than any other food...)
  • Tickets to a favorite event – such as a football game or the Vagina Monologues
  • A new toilet seat – everyone needs a new toilet seat
  • A Yard-O-Beef sausage – people say they don't like them, but they really do
  • Oh, and did I mention my cookbook makes a great Christmas gift?

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The If-I-Have-To Christmas Gift

Is there someone on your Christmas gift list that you really don't want to spend the money on? Well don't worry. Today, I have a list of gift ideas that are not only cheap, but should also tell that “special” someone that you don't need to exchange gifts next year.

  • A 2011 calendar – they're on sale this time of year, and very useful... for the next couple of weeks, anyway
  • A roll of toilet paper – the gift that keeps on giving
  • A box of sugar packets “borrowed” from your local diner
  • A box of sugar-substitute packets – for the dieter
  • A pad of Post-Its – everyone needs Post-Its
  • A secondhand Slinky – your kid won't notice it's missing anyway
  • The cheapest bottle of wine you can find
  • Some dental floss – a useful and simple way to remind your “friend” that dental hygiene is a necessary part of life
  • Some newspaper clippings on a topic of interest – a sort of “thinking of you” gift that costs nothing
  • A check for $.100 – the difference between a $100 gift and a $0.10 is that decimal point

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Christmas Cleaning

I'm sure we've all had unexpected guests drop by during the holidays, only to look about the house and see that you'd successfully sty'ed the halls with clothes and debris. So before we get too close to the holidays here, I thought that I would cover a very important holiday entertaining subject – cleaning the house! So today, I'll offer you a few holiday cleaning tips that should help prevent you from embarrassing yourself when company stops by unexpectedly.

  • Line the floors with plastic wrap! When company stops by, you can simply rip up the plastic wrap and reveal truly dust bunny-free floors that appear freshly swept and waxed. (Just be sure to avoid lining your sinks, showers, and toilets with plastic wrap – it's not quite as helpful as you might think...)

  • Always make sure the dishwasher is empty. Not only will this tip help you keep those dirty dishes from piling up in the sink and/or dishwasher, but an empty dishwasher is also a great place to hide away all that excess kitchen clutter!

  • Gift wrap a junk box! If you can't help but accumulate clutter in your living room, then wrap a giant empty box in festive holiday gift wrap. Then, when company stops by, run about the house grabbing all the clutter and throw it in the junk box. Once the top of the box is in place, nobody will ever know the box contains nothing but clutter.

  • And lastly – forget about dusting! Not only is dusting time consuming and tedious, but during the holidays it is completely unnecessary. Instead of dusting, sprinkle fake snow (or even powdered sugar, really) all about the house. The snow will add a festive touch to your holiday decorating, as well as cover up all that dust. It's win, win!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Christmas Cards 101

With this being peak Christmas card writing season, I thought that today would be a good time to provide you with some helpful Xmas card advice. After all, your friends and family are expecting you to write something special in their holiday cards this year. And you wouldn't want to disappoint them, now would you?

So if you're not quite sure what to write in that holiday card, then try one of the messages provided below. They're simple options that should help you spread some of that holiday cheer.

  • During this joyous time of year,
    I wish you nothing but happiness, joy, and good cheer.
    And as for the rug rats running about your house,
    Give them a hug, a treat, and forgive me for gifting them a new pet mouse...
  • Well if you haven't already heard,
    next year the Mayan calendar will go the way of the Dodo bird.
    So in case the world does end with that event – seemingly absurd –
    Allow me to take a moment to share with you this very kind word:
    Merry Christmas to you and the rest of your herd,
    From me – your very favorite Mayan calendar nerd.
  • He sees you when you're sleeping,
    He knows when you're awake,
    He'll break in through your chimney,
    So lock your bedroom for goodness sake.

  • With the holiday season swiftly coming near,
    You might give up that diet, that scale, and that workout gear.
    But from me to you, shall I just say,
    Please don't give up cuz you're as big as Santa's sleigh.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Pecan Sticky Buns

PECAN STICKY BUNS

Topped with maple syrup and toasted pecans, this recipe for Pecan Sticky Buns is always a crowd pleaser.

Makes 1 dozen

2
packets (¼-ounce each) active dry yeast
1
cup warm milk (105ºF - 110ºF)
½
cup, plus 2 tablespoons light-brown sugar, firmly packed
2
large egg yolks
½
cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more for greasing
1
teaspoon pure vanilla extract
cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting
1
tablespoon, plus 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1
teaspoon kosher salt
½
cup pure maple syrup
1
cup pecans, chopped
2
tablespoons sour cream
In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment dissolve the yeast in the warm milk. Stir in 2 tablespoons of the brown sugar, as well as the egg yolks, ¼ cup of butter, and the vanilla extract. Using a fine-mesh sieve, sift the flour, 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon, and salt over the milk mixture. Mix on low speed until the flour is completely incorporated. Then, increase the mixer to medium and knead the dough until it becomes smooth and elastic, 5 to 8 minutes. Transfer the dough to a lightly buttered bowl. Cover with a sheet of plastic wrap and set aside to rest until doubled in volume, about 1 hour.


In a saucepan set over medium heat, combine ¼ cup of the brown sugar and ¼ cup of the butter. Cook until melted. Then, remove from the heat and stir in the maple syrup and the pecans. Pour the mixture into a lightly buttered 9-by-13-inch baking dish. Set aside.


Punch down the dough and transfer it to a lightly floured work surface. Roll it out to a 10-by-12-inch rectangle. In a bowl, stir the sour cream together with ¼ cup of brown sugar and 1 tablespoon of cinnamon. Evenly spread the sour cream mixture over the surface of the dough. Then, taking the long side of the dough, roll it up into a log. Cut the dough crosswise into 12 buns and arrange the buns cut-side-down in the prepared baking dish. Cover with plastic wrap and allow to rise until almost doubled in bulk, 30 to 45 minutes.


Preheat the oven to 350ºF. Bake the buns in a preheated oven until golden brown and cooked through, 30 to 35 minutes. Then, remove and cool for 10 minutes in the pan before inverting the sticky buns onto a serving tray.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Next Month!

Well, it's next month! Which means it is now time to start discussing the holidays. And today I thought that I would help you brush up on office Xmas party etiquette. Because let's be honest here, bad behavior at the company office party could very well lead to you having to find a new job in the new year... So below you will find a listing of some key tips that should help keep you out of trouble at this year's office Christmahanakwanzica party.
  • It wouldn't be an office party without a little alcohol. But to keep from over-imbibing this holiday season remember – Under 2 and the boss might just promote you; over five and you'll probably see a festive holiday pink slip arrive.

  • Just steer clear of the photocopier. Aside from the obvious temptation to drunkenly photocopy various body parts that are quite literally emBARRASSing, you'll also be much less likely to spill that holiday eggnog all over the expensive machine. After all, if you break it, you buy it...

  • Use the buddy system. Team up with a trusted coworker and monitor each other's activities during the party. You'll thank me for this tip when you unwittingly start hitting on the boss's daughter and your party buddy stops you mid-cheesy pickup line...

  • Plan ahead. For your safety, as well as the safety of those around you, be sure to have a designated driver. Or better yet – have an designated underage intern. Not only will they drive you home after the party, but they might just babysit the kids tomorrow while you're sleeping off the day-after hangover.