Shrimp Bisque

SHRIMP BISQUE

Though it might seem odd, puréeing the shrimp shells right into the soup imparts a rich seafood flavor.

Serves 4

4	ounces pancetta, cut into ¼-inch cubes
1	pound large shrimp, peeled and deveined, shells reserved
1	large yellow onion, peeled and chopped
4	ribs celery, chopped
8	cloves garlic, peeled and minced
2	bay leaves
1	sprig fresh tarragon, plus more for garnish
¼	teaspoon paprika
pinch	Cayenne pepper
½	cup Arborio rice
¼	cup dry white wine
1½	quarts homemade chicken stock, or low-sodium canned chicken broth
1	12-ounce can evaporated milk
4	medium red-skinned potatoes, cut into ½-inch chunks and boiled until tender
	Kosher salt and freshly ground white pepper

1. In a stockpot set over medium heat, cook the pancetta, stirring occasionally, until crispy. Add in the shrimp and cook another 2 to 3 minutes, or until the shrimp are pink and just cooked through. Using a slotted spoon, remove the shrimp and pancetta from the pot and set aside.
2. Add the onion and celery to the stockpot. Cook in the pancetta drippings, until the onions are translucent, 4 to 6 minutes. Stir in the garlic, bay, tarragon, paprika, Cayenne, rice, and reserved shrimp shells. Cook, stirring often, until the shells are pink, 1 to 2 minutes. Pour in the wine and continue to cook until most of the wine has evaporated. Then, pour in the stock. Reduce the heat to low and simmer until the rice is very tender, about 30 minutes.
3. Remove the bay from the soup and discard. Add the evaporated milk, and purée the soup in a blender. Pass through a fine mesh sieve and discard any remaining solids, before pouring the soup back into the stockpot and returning it to the heat. Add the potatoes, shrimp, and pancetta. Season to taste with salt and white pepper, and garnish with chopped tarragon.

Springtime Can Start Any Day Now...

If you are living in Northern Maine (as I am), you are probably thinking – where is spring? Sure, some of the snow has melted and the rivers are starting to open up. But we've also had a number of snow storms this month, as well as numerous days of frigid temperatures and biting winds. And so today I will be discussing how to get into the springtime spirit even when mother nature doesn't cooperate.

First, get a tan. Though I normally advise against getting fake tans because they tend to dye you a rather unnatural shade of Oompa Loompa orange (as well as result in other possible health implications), after a winter such as this, I think we all could benefit from getting a little color. And if you can't afford to get one of those newfangled spray-on tans, then do it the old fashioned way – baste yourself in a little butter and lay on the floor in front of the picture window for a while.

Second, eat some springtime foods. Sure the gardens might still be frosty, but that is no reason not to stop by the market and pick up some fresh asparagus. Besides, eating all those healthy springtime vegetables might actually help when it comes time to squeeze into that summertime swim suit.

And third, where there's a will, there's a way. So, don't let a little snow, freezing rain, or irate golf pro get in the way of your favorite springtime activities. I'd be willing to bet that with a little ingenuity, a pair of snowshoes, and a set of chains fitted securely around the tires of that golf cart, you'll be out on the course playing a round in no time.

Painting 101

Despite this month's less than spring-like weather, I find myself itching to get outside and begin that most laborious of springtime chores – repainting the house. Now don't get me wrong, I rather dread the actual work involved in repainting a house. But I do enjoy the time outside and the simple satisfaction of watching the paint dry. And I suppose in anticipation of spring's eventual arrival, I have taken it upon myself to also repaint a few rooms inside the house. (I suppose you could call it practice for when the temperature rises, and I can paint outdoors without fear of frostbite.)

But all that aside, I would like to offer you a few tips and techniques that should help make your springtime repainting as painless as possible. Of course, as with all my tips, it does depend upon your situation. So feel free to pick and choose which tips suit your needs the best.

• If you don't want paint on it, cover it up. Sure, it does take some time to tape up all the trim and lay out the drop cloths. But in the end, you will save yourself the time and frustration of scraping off all that unwanted paint. Plus when you're all done painting, you get to tear off all that tape and create a giant, sticky ball to adhere to the back of your house cat. And that's funny, right there.
  
  
• If you're not sure what color to choose, start in the closet. And that's not to say – look in the closet for inspiration from your clothes (which I suppose you could do...). But the true meaning of this tip is to say – pick a paint color you like and start painting inside the closet. That way when you discover that walls should never be painted neon teal, you can simply choose another color to paint the rest of the room, and keep your closet door closed at all times.
  
  
• Always make sure that the lid is firmly in place before shaking the paint can. Unless, of course, you are going for the blood spatter look...
  
  
• Artists always sign their work. So be certain to paint your name or another secret message in the center of each wall before proceeding to paint the rest of the wall.
  
  
• And finally, if you simply abhor painting, then do something “abstract.” Purchase several gallons of paint in various colors and slosh them about the house. If anyone asks why you're doing that, simply say something like: “It's an existential representation of my acrimony for society's preoccupation with chromatic conformity.” Like they'll know what that means...

Happy 100+

I know that I have covered the topic of birthday entertaining before. But I do believe that celebrating the birthday of someone who is 100+ years-old, does deserve some special consideration. After all, at what other age does the birthday boy/girl need to be reminded whose birthday it is? So to help you prepare for that upcoming 100+ birthday party, I've provided a few key tips below that should help make the party a memorable one (for most of the guests, that is).

First, most people who are celebrating their 100+ birthday are quite proud of that fact. They have gotten over the hill of middle-age and survived the tumble down the other side. And now they proudly stand (or in some cases lean) at the base of the hill, celebrating what some so aptly call - the twilight years. So, when planning such a birthday party, be certain that every decoration, cake, and party favor reads, “Happy 100+ Birthday (insert appropriate name here)!” Not only does it get everyone into the festive spirit, but it also helps remind the birthday boy/girl of some critical information – namely: who they are, how old they are, and why they're here.

Second, purchase an appropriate gift. Most people 100+ years-old already have all the toys and gizmos they need to entertain themselves. And with little interest in today's newest technology, it can be quite difficult to purchase a gift for someone celebrating a 100+ birthday. That's why I recommend purchasing very practical gifts like canned foods, house cats, and underwear. Let's face it, if someone is 100+ years-old he/she lived through the Great Depression and has learned to pinch every penny. That means, the birthday boy/girl is probably still wearing underwear that reads “I like Ike.”

Third, keep the menu simple. Sure, it's a celebration and you want to show off your culinary prowess, but let me ask you – have you ever seen what Thai curry does to a 100-year-old colon? Trust me – you don't want to know. So stick to simple foods like oatmeal, prune juice, and Milk Duds.

And lastly, (I should think it would be obvious, but just in case) never throw a surprise 100+ birthday party. Regardless of how heart-healthy a life the birthday boy/girl lived, that ticker has been going for over 100 years - now is not the time for a stress test. In fact, I recommend asking the birthday boy/girl to RSVP for the party by sending in a copy of his/her most recent EKG. That way everyone knows about the party. Nobody will be surprised. And should something go wrong, you have the name and telephone number of the birthday boy's/girl's cardiologist at the top of the EKG report.

Those Incredible Inedible Easter Eggs

Do you have a bunch of brightly dyed Easter eggs leftover from yesterday's festivities? Well, I certainly do. And after a quick search of the Internet for creative ideas to use up all those leftover eggs, I must say I'm a bit disappointed. It seems that all the other websites and blogs out there advise you to transform those leftover eggs into egg salad, cob salad, potato salad, and the like. But I find myself rejecting those suggestions. Perhaps it is because I am somewhat of a germaphobe and really have no desire to eat eggs that have been bathed in Red Dye #40 and hidden about the house and lawn for hours on end, only to be found by small children who are covered in springtime mud and freshly picked boogers. That whole scenario just seems ripe with bacteria, and as I always say – better safe than Salmonella-ed. So, I propose that today's blog topic be: what to do with those incredible inedible Easter eggs.

• Compost the eggs.
• Continue the egg hunt by hiding the eggs outdoors (where they won't smell as badly), and allowing the children to find them once again.
• Give everyone a basket of eggs and yell, “Food Fight!”
• Give decorative Easter egg baskets to all your coworkers – the leftover eggs are their problem then.
• Host a skeet shooting competition. Simply toss the eggs into the air and encourage friends and family to try and hit the eggs with a shotgun. (Just be certain not to invite Dick Cheney – we all remember his less than stellar aim with a shotgun...)
• Put a couple of them down your pants, and then go through a TSA pat-down.
• Feed them to a dog, goat, or old man – they'll eat anything.
• Substitute the hard-boiled eggs in place of the more traditional wooden or plastic balls for a civilized (albeit messy) game of backyard croquet.
• Throw the eggs down a flight of stairs. This doesn't accomplish much, but it sure is entertaining.
• Place a couple of eggs in the bottom of the toilet to scare your children into thinking they just popped out a few neon green eggs.

Roasted Rack of Lamb with Mint Pesto

ROASTED RACK OF LAMB WITH MINT PESTO

If you're looking for something different to serve this Easter Sunday, try my recipe for Roasted Rack of Lamb with Mint Pesto. Not only is it simple to prepare, but it is a delicious and special dish, that the entire family is sure to enjoy.

Serves 4

2	full racks of lamb (1¼ - 1½ pounds each), frenched
1¼	cups, plus 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
2	lemons, sliced, plus more for garnish
2	shallots, peeled and sliced
8	cloves garlic, peeled and smashed
2¼	cups fresh mint leaves, coarsely chopped, plus more for garnish
	Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1	cup fresh flat-leaf parsley, coarsely chopped
½	cup pistachios, shelled and coarsely chopped
½	cup Parmesan cheese, finely grated

1. In a large nonreactive container or resealable plastic bag, combine the racks of lamb with ¼ cup of the olive oil. Toss in the lemon slices, shallots, 6 cloves of the garlic, and ¼ cup of the mint. Season the lamb to taste with black pepper (do not salt yet), and cover the container or seal the bag. Marinate in the refrigerator for 4 to 6 hours, better overnight.
2. Remove the lamb from the refrigerator and allow it to come to room temperature, 30 to 40 minutes. Preheat the oven to 400ºF, and heat a large cast-iron skillet over medium-high heat until very hot. Remove the lamb from the marinade and pat dry. Brush the lamb with the 2 tablespoons of olive oil and season to taste with salt. Then, place the lamb in the skillet, and sear until golden brown on all sides, 2 to 3 minutes per side.
3. Transfer the skillet to the preheated oven and roast until the lamb registers 130ºF on an instant-read thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the meat, 20 to 25 minutes. Remove from the oven and rest for 10 minutes before carving into individual chops.
4. Meanwhile, in the bowl of a food processor, fitted with the steel blade attachment, combine the remaining 2 cups of mint and 2 cloves of garlic with the parsley, pistachios, and Parmesan. Pulse until the mixture is finely chopped. Then, with the machine running, drizzle in enough of the remaining 1 cup of olive oil to create a smooth mixture (you may not need the entire cup of oil). Season the pesto with salt and black pepper and serve with the lamb.

Easter 101

With Easter quickly approaching, I thought that I would take some time today to provide you with a few tips and ideas to make this celebration the best it can be. Of course, every family has its own Easter traditions, so feel free to adapt these tips as needed.

First, it wouldn't be Easter without some attention being paid to the Easter Bunny. And though I do despair at the thought of all those children growing up (as I did) thinking that rabbits - being mammals as they are – are out there building nests and laying eggs made of chocolate, jelly, and various pastel candies like some sort of living, breathing confectionary shops, (Or perhaps more to the point, I despair at the thought of those same children one day finding out that those clusters of chocolate-brown balls left in the corners of their pet rabbits' cages are not, in fact, Peanut M&Ms, but something far less tasty...) I do believe that the Easter Bunny is now an integral part of the Easter holiday. And as such, we must now prepare decorative Easter baskets filled with candy, colored eggs, and toys to set out for all the children to find on Easter morning.

However, I also believe that all this Easter Bunny business is not just about spoiling your children rotten with excessive amounts of candy and toys. Rather, I take it as a learning opportunity to not only teach your children something factually true about rabbits, but also about food and healthy eating. For instance, why not teach your children a bit about a rabbit's true diet? Though the Easter Bunny is somehow able to churn out chocolate turds, he still eats like a true rabbit. So why not teach your children how to make a garden salad for the Easter Bunny to enjoy when he stops by? Not only will they be learning a healthy recipe, but should you get hungry in the middle of the night and need a pre-Easter snack, there will be a healthy treat for you (the Easter Bunny) to enjoy.

Second, feel free to get creative with the menu. Unlike Thanksgiving, the Easter tradition is far less rigid when it comes to what foods to serve. So be open to trying new things. But I would keep a couple things in mind when drafting that Easter menu.

• Not everything has to be shaped like an egg
  
  
• Think fresh and young – fresh vegetables and young animals (like lamb or veal) are usually preferable
  
  
• Never serve rabbit of any kind

And third, an Easter egg hunt is a requisite part of hosting any Easter party, so be certain to paint lots of eggs. Of course, if you are using the Easter egg hunt as an excuse to get the children out of your hair, then be certain to paint the eggs a nice shade of camo-green. Then, you can easily hide the eggs (well out of the children's reach, of course) throughout the garden, lawn, and/or forest.

Happy Easter!

Pineapple Upside-Down Cake Day!

Happy National Pineapple Upside-Down Cake Day everybody! Why do we need an entire day devoted to Pineapple Upside-Down Cake, you might ask? Well, it beats me, but it sure is fun to celebrate it. In fact, I think I shall use today's blog posting to list a few other uses for Pineapple Upside-Down Cake so that we may all celebrate today to its fullest extent.

• Bake and eat as much Pineapple Upside-Down Cake as possible
• Give Pineapple Upside-Down Cakes to all your friends, family members, co-workers, and divorce attorneys
• Have a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake food fight
• Eat a slice of Pineapple Upside-Down Cake while standing on your head to make it a Pineapple Right-Side-Up Cake
• Make a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake Wreath to hang on your front door
• Use Pineapple Upside-Down Cakes for paperweights
• Place a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake in a time capsule to see what it looks like in 50 years
• Throw a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake down a flight of stairs – this doesn't accomplish much, but it sure is funny to watch
• Fill a children's swimming pool with Pineapple Upside-Down Cakes and hold a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake wrestling match
• Send a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake to the IRS with a letter explaining why your tax payment is late
• Convince a group of small children that Pineapple Upside-Down Cake is actually made from worm meal, drool, and pig's feet
• Make really dense Pineapple Upside-Down Cakes and use them like bricks to refinish the chimney
• Wrap a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake in cooked bacon to see how much better it is
• Host your town's first Running of the Pineapple Upside-Down Cake by rolling a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake down a steep hill while your neighbors chase after it
• Store a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake in a cool, dry place until Christmas, and then give it out as this year's fruitcake
• Pregame for Easter by hosting a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake Hunt
• Attach a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake to a string and place it on the floor, then pull the cake away as people bend down to try and pick it up
• Attempt to make a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake Smoothie with a blender and some vanilla ice cream
• Use several Pineapple Upside-Down Cakes as tonight's dinner plates
• Wrap a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake in a blanket and carry it around like a baby today to see if anyone notices

Top Five Entertaining Tips

Well, with little time to write a proper blog posting today, I shall keep this entry brief. Here are five entertaining tips that I do believe are very important when it comes to throwing any party:

• Dessert is best served sandwiched between two cookies.
  
  
• The words “Gourmet” and “Roadkill” should never be used in the same sentence.
  
  
• Whenever someone offers you crabs, be certain that they are talking about edible crustaceans.
  
  
• The best way to get a red wine stain out of the carpet is to cover it with a sofa.
  
  
• And when in doubt, add a healthy layer of bacon on top.

Tax Day Party

With tax season finally winding down to a close, you might feel a bit like celebrating. Yet if you're like me, your wallet probably doesn't feel very much like joining you in all that good cheer. So today, I'll be sharing with you a few party ideas that are not only quite cheap (or free), but also will provide for a bit of priceless post-tax season fun.

• Dress up in your flooziest of clothes and head out to the local bar/tavern to have all the single-but-lookings buy you a drink. (If you're male, you might need to go to a gay bar for this tip to work...)
  
  
• Host a leftover pot-luck. Let's be honest here, everyone has some sort of leftovers buried in the back of the fridge. So why not have all your friends bring their leftovers to your house? (Hey, if it's new to you, it's not leftovers.) Then, you can all sit down together and enjoy the leftover smorgasbord. It certainly beats eating the remnants of your weekly Hot Dog and Minute Rice Casserole... again.
  
  
• If you have children to entertain, I would normally advise you to grease up a piglet with crisco and let the children chase the slippery swine about the house. But since you probably don't have the money to rent a piglet, how about greasing up the house cat and setting the children upon it? Now that's fun for the whole family right there.
  
  
• Host a gypsy-themed barbecue complete with cold beans served straight from the can, bargain-basement wine, and stolen apple pie. And to keep your guests entertained throughout the party, be certain to organize some fun games like Who Wants to be a Panhandler?, The Great Goat Race, and Extreme Makeover: Gypsy Edition.
  
  
• And if you're married, simply wait for your spouse to come home. Then, greet your spouse at the front door and say, “You forgot what today is, did you?” Your spouse will be so embarrassed, thinking that he/she forgot an important date, that he/she will take you out for a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant and insist upon paying the bill. How's that for a cheap party?

Poached Eggs with Asparagus and Prosciutto

POACHED EGGS WITH ASPARAGUS AND PROSCIUTTO

Whether served for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, this recipe for Poached Eggs with Asparagus and Prosciutto is a delicious meal that takes only about 10 minutes to prepare.

Serves 4

4	thick slices of rustic bread
2	tablespoons unsalted butter, melted, plus more for the bread
	Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
4	ounces prosciutto, thinly sliced
1	pound asparagus, trimmed and peeled
8	large eggs
2	tablespoons fresh flat-leaf parsley, coarsely chopped
2	tablespoons Parmesan cheese, coarsely grated
1	tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon juice

Preheat the oven to 400ºF. Lightly brush both sides of the slices of bread with some melted butter. Arrange the slices on a parchment-lined baking sheet and season lightly with salt and black pepper. Top each slice of bread with some of the prosciutto. Place in the preheated oven and toast until the prosciutto is crispy, 8 to 10 minutes. Remove and set aside.

Meanwhile, bring 2 inches of salted water to a boil in a large skillet. Add the asparagus in one layer, and boil until the asparagus is crisp-tender, 4 to 5 minutes. Remove the asparagus and transfer to a warm plate. Set aside.

Return the skillet to the heat and bring the salted water to a bare simmer. Then, working one at a time, crack the eggs into a small heat-proof bowl. Gently slide the eggs from the bowl into the simmering water. Cook until the eggs are opaque, but the egg yolks are still soft, 2 to 3 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer the eggs to a warm plate.

To assemble the dish, place one slice of prosciutto-topped toast on each of 4 serving plates. Arrange some of the asparagus on each slice of bread, and top with 2 poached eggs. Sprinkle each with some of the parsley and Parmesan cheese, and drizzle with the melted butter and lemon juice. Season to taste with salt and black pepper, and serve immediately.

Tax Return 101

Tomorrow is the last day to file your tax return. And as I assume that most of you are like me and have procrastinated up until now, I think I should keep today's posting brief.

Five Ways to Spend Your Refund (Should You Be So Lucky):

• Go on vacation – I'm sure the Las Vegas Tourism Bureau would be more than happy to assist you in your travel plans
  
  
• Cash your refund check and ask for singles, then toss all the dollar bills on your bed and roll around for a bit
  
  
• Install a microwave or mini-fridge in your SUV
  
  
• Buy your way into the Karaoke World Championship
  
  
• Go out to eat and order the lobster-stuffed filet mignon taco and side salad

Five Ways to Cushion the Blow of Having to Pay More Taxes:

• Stop by the dollar store and pick up a couple dented tubes of cookie dough
  
  
• Withdraw all the remaining money from your checking account in penny form, then toss the coins all over your bed and roll around a bit
  
  
• Take a stay-cation – I'm sure with enough sand and decaying seaweed you can make the bathtub into an acceptable beach
  
  
• Try the recipe on the back of the SPAM can
  
  
• Change your identity and move to the Yukon

Putting on the Ritz?

So the other day, I had someone tell me that whenever she bakes anything, she cannot help but put on a pair of high heels and a strand or two of pearls. Right... Now don't get me wrong. I am a resolute believer in the “to each, their own” philosophy of life. But high heels and pearls? For banana bread? Really?

Of course, when I reacted in such a manner, the young lady insisted that I should try it. “Your baked goods will just taste better,” she said. And though I have absolutely no intention of donning a pair of stilettos the next time I bake biscuits, the young lady's insistence upon wearing only the finest of bakery footwear did leave me with a few questions. Can the taste of your food truly be dependent upon the clothes you wear? Will looking good for your food, make your food look good for you? Is this young lady mentally unbalanced, and should I run away?

Well, I suppose that one could argue that looking your best does make a person feel better about himself/herself and result in a more positive outlook on life, in general (which may also influence how we perceive our foods to taste). But I think the opposite could also be true. If a person is uncomfortable attempting to balance atop a tight pair of high heels while simultaneously having a set of heavy earrings stretch out her lobes like Play Doh, that same person may think all food tastes better because it's the only sense that isn't being strained by the uncomfortable burdens of fashion.

And with that, the only conclusion that I can reach is to say what I always say - “to each, their own.” If you feel like dressing up to bake a batch of brownies, go right ahead. I'll be sticking with my jeans and t-shirt, though.

What Not to Tell Your Dinner Guests

I think we've all been in this situation before – you have a great party planned, the guests are just about to arrive, and suddenly something goes wrong and you're left reeling. And sure, I think it is human nature to share the details of those moments with friends, family, and therapists, but I do believe there are certain instances when too much information can really put a damper on the party. So, below I have listed a few examples of bad situations that should never be shared with your party guests.

Never tell yours guests...

• that your pet boa constrictor is loose from his cage and now roaming freely through the house's plumbing.
• that you were previously arguing with your spouse about which end of the toothpick to insert into your cocktail sausages.
• that the frozen peas now garnishing the soup where previously used to ice your son's skinned knee, chill your lemonade in lieu of ice, and protect your bum from that searing hot car seat on your ride home from the grocery store.
• that the recent power outage fried your bedroom videocamera.
• that the second floor bathroom is out of order because you had curry last night.
• that tonight's steak was last night's Lady Gaga costume.
• that your child just lost a tooth in the soup.
• that you forgot to wear pants while deep-fat frying the corn dogs.
• that your new recipe for scrambled eggs was inspired by a recent episode of “Dirty Jobs.”
• that you ran out of Ziploc bags and marinated tonight's chicken breasts in your shower cap.

The Red Pox

With baseball season getting started here, you may find it exceedingly difficult to turn off that TV and leave your man cave – a condition I've named: Reduced Energy and Dissociation Prompted by Observing Xtreme Amounts of Baseball, or Red Pox: Type AB. (Possible side effects include: irritability, anti-social behavior, loss of appetite, weight gain, loss of muscle mass, loss of voice due to excessive TV yelling, hair loss, flatulence, burping, body part scratching, hot dog breath, dry mouth, beer helmet hair, face painting, loss of shirt, drooling, back fat, couch butt, excessive sweating, heart attack, stroke, coma, or divorce.) So, in the interest of enjoying as much baseball as possible, while avoiding the Red Pox, review the tips I have listed below. Each tip is designed to make the man cave experience the best it possibly can be, while helping you avoid contracting a case of the Red Pox. (And if you are the type that doesn't enjoy the simple pleasures of watching baseball à la man cave, then all I can say is – what's wrong with you?)

• Reduce your stress level by Feng Shui...ing your man cave. Remove all nonessential items from your man cave, including any unnecessary furniture, appliances, vehicles, pets, spouses, and children.
  
  
• To inspire you to keep exercising throughout the baseball season, tack up a poster of your favorite super model.
  
  
• Stock up on beer, ketchup, and toilet paper.
  
  
• Always use the bathroom farthest from the man cave – after four chili dogs, two bowls of nachos, and a pack of beer, you'll thank me for that tip.
  
  
• And remember, baseball is America's favorite pastime. So, be certain to share part of your day with friends and family watching the game. Unless of course, your friends are Yankees fans. In which case, I advice you to sever any and all contact immediately.

Lemon-Rosemary Coffee Cake

LEMON-ROSEMARY COFFEE CAKE

To make a quick sauce for this delicious cake, sweeten some fresh blueberries or blackberries with confectioner's sugar and smash the mixture together into a coarse purée.

Makes one 8-inch cake

2¾	cups all-purpose flour
2	teaspoons baking powder
¾	teaspoon kosher salt
1	cup granulated sugar
1	cup plain whole-milk yogurt
3	large eggs, lightly beaten
3	tablespoons lemon zest (3 to 4 lemons), finely grated
1	tablespoon fresh rosemary, finely chopped, plus more for garnish
½	teaspoon pure vanilla extract
½	cup good olive oil (not extra-virgin)
¼	cup firmly-packed light brown sugar
¼	cup (½ stick) unsalted butter, chilled and cut into ½-inch cubes, plus more for the pan
2	cups confectioner's sugar, beaten with ¼ cup water, for glaze

1. Preheat the oven to 350ºF. Butter an 8-inch tube pan and set aside. Sift 2 cups of the flour together with the baking powder and ½ teaspoon of the salt. Set aside.

2. In a separate mixing bowl, whisk together the granulated sugar, yogurt, and eggs until well combined. Stir in the lemon zest, rosemary, and vanilla extract. Add in the reserved dry ingredients and stir until just combined. Then, gradually incorporate the olive oil, mixing until well combined. Pour the cake batter into the prepared tube pan and set aside.

3. In a small mixing bowl, combine the remaining ¾ cup flour and ¼ teaspoon salt with the brown sugar and butter. Cut in the butter, until the mixture resembles coarse meal. Sprinkle the streusel mixture evenly over the top of the cake batter.
   
   
4. Bake the cake in the preheated oven until a cake tester inserted into the center of the cake comes out clean, 50 to 55 minutes. Remove the cake from the oven and cool. Then, remove the cake from the pan and transfer to a serving dish. Drizzle the cake with the confectioner's sugar glaze, and garnish with sprigs of fresh rosemary.

Unexpected Dependents

I think we've all been in this situation before: you're planning on having a quiet weekend at home, but for one reason or another, you end up babysitting someone else's kids, pets, or finicky geraniums. So what do you do? Well, that is the topic of today's blog posting – how to entertain other people's dependents.

First, address the dependent – introduce yourself and explain why the child/pet/plant is here. Also, inform the dependent that his/her parents/owners will soon be returning to reclaim the child/pet/plant. Let's be honest, if you skip this step it is not unlikely that the police will soon be at your door asking you questions like, “Sir, is that your ficus plant, or are you holding it ransom?”

Second, identify the dependent's needs. Does the child need to watch “Hannah Montana?” Or can you save yourself the agony and eventual insanity by convincing the child he/she needs to watch an episode of “Bones” instead? Does the cat need it's deworming medication? Well... if you want to keep your sofa clean, then yes... it probably does.

And third, identify enjoyable activities that you can share. A pie eating competition, a visit to the local zoo/theme park/microbrewery, or even a greased up piglet should provide hours of fun for you, as well as the child/pet/plant. And if you cannot identify activities that you can share, give the children the TV remote, nuke some fish sticks, and remember – it's just for one weekend...

I'm Giving Up Boredom for Lent

Being the middle of Lent, it might seem like life around here has gotten a little boring. That's because... well... it has. But it doesn't have to be that way. Sure we are going through a period of self-denial, but who said that had to be boring? And so, below you will find a few suggestions for fun activities that should add a little spice to your life without violating the strict Lenten code of conduct.

• Host a Lenten potluck. To do so, instruct all your guests to prepare dishes using the food or foods they gave up for Lent, and then bring the food to your house to share with everyone for dinner. The way I see it, if one person chooses to abstain from chocolate for the 40 days, that's no reason why the rest of us shouldn't still be able to enjoy that person's triple-chocolate fudge brownie torte...
  
  
• Do some volunteer work. Not only will you be helping out your community, but volunteering to... direct the junior high's awkward production of Romeo and Juliet, or to... listen to seniors tell their tales of childhoods spent hiking uphill through waist-deep snow to various destinations, should all prove to be quite entertaining.
  
  
• Take the time to reconnect with long lost friends. If you're lucky, you will be more successful than they are. Then, you can feel better about yourself and continue to abstain from alcohol until Easter.
  
  
• Take up a new hobby. I suppose I can't be sure of this, but I don't believe there is anything about Lent that says you must stop learning. So why not learn how to play an instrument, read those books about pottery, or take up competitive hedge trimming?
  
  
• Adopt a pet from the local animal shelter. Like volunteer work, this one should make you feel good. And like taking up a new hobby, it should occupy your attention long enough to get you through until Easter.