Thursday, December 30, 2010

New, New Year's Resolutions

Do you have trouble keeping your New Year's resolutions? If so, it probably means that you are making terrible resolutions. Diets... exercise regiments... toenail clipping – what terrible New Year's resolutions. What is fun about diets and toenail clipping? Nothing. There is nothing fun about diets and toenail clipping, and that is why you don't keep those resolutions. So this year, why not make a new resolution? Why not make a resolution that you might actually keep?

Below you will find a few new, New Year's resolutions. They might sound a little silly at first, but they sure are fun to keep.

  • This year I will wear more deodorant, and stop wasting so much time on laundry.

  • I'll stop spending money on that gym membership, and put that money toward something I'll actually use - like a membership to the Mustard of the Month Club.

  • This year, I'll take up a new hobby like yo yo-ing, people watching, or electric toaster collecting.

  • In 2011, I won't call in sick to work when I'm not sick - I'll think up more creative excuses instead.

  • And lastly this year, I resolve to leave the colorectal examinations to the professionals – they're just a pain in the butt anyway.

With resolutions like that, 2011 is sure to be a great year. And now I'm off for the holiday. So, I'll see you back here in the new year.  

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Ringing in the New Year

With such a short period of time between Christmas and New Year's Eve, it might seem quite impossible to host both a Christmas and a New Year's Eve party. All the logistics aside, a host can only tolerate having guests in the house for so long before questioning his or her own sanity. But if you're willing to brave the crowds again, a New Year's Eve party is a fun way to ring in the New Year. And with a few key tips, you can simplify that New Year's Eve party so much that you'll never avoid the midnight bash again.

  • Throw that Christmas party guest list out the window and invite different people to your New Year's Eve party. Let's be honest here, you've already said everything to those Christmas party guests. And unless you want to hear about Uncle Alfred's vasectomy again, those guests have probably already said everything to you. So dig a little deeper into that address book and find some new party guests.

  • New Year's Eve might very well be the easiest party to decorate for. You'll need a clock... And yea... That's about it.

  • To help you stay awake half the night and yet avoid the caffeine-induce insomnia, why not try lowering the temperature in the house and opening a few windows? Nobody can fall asleep when it's 50 degrees inside with a windchill.

  • Be sure to stock up on beer, ketchup, and toilet paper.

  • And don't forget – you can't have a New Year's Eve party without confetti to toss about at the stroke of midnight. And what better source of confetti is there than the shredded remnants of that self-help book your therapist gave you for Christmas?

And now that you know the basics of New Year's entertaining, break out the champagne and polish the stemware because 2011 is coming up fast.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Kwanzaa

Happy Kwanzaa everyone! I have to admit - I have no clue what Kwanzaa is. But I see that it is written on my calendar, and I've made it a goal to discuss the major holidays in this blog. And so in keeping with that mission, I wish you Happy Kwanzaa! Or is it Merry Kwanzaa? Well regardless... If you observe this holiday, I wish you a great celebration.

And since I know nothing of this celebration, I will provide you with some of the most basic entertaining advice I can offer:

  • When in doubt, top with bacon.

  • Dessert is best served sandwiched between two cookies.

  • Never run out of beer, ketchup, or toilet paper.

  • Nothing entertains children better than a greased up piglet.

  • And whenever your menu includes raisins, be sure to tell your dinner guests about them. This will prevent your guests from mistaking the dried fruits for rat turds.

Now have a happy Kwanzaa!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Chocolate Pecan Tart

CHOCOLATE PECAN TART

Perhaps one of my favorite desserts is Chocolate Pecan Pie. And though I do sometimes feel a little guilty eating such a sugar-laden dessert, I do believe the holidays are the perfect excuse to throw that diet out the window and enjoy a slice or two of this delicious pie.

Makes one 11-inch tart


All-purpose flour, for dusting

Pastry for 1 one-crust pie, or 1 store-bought refrigerated pie crust
¼
cup (½ stick) unsalted butter, melted, plus more for the pan
4
ounces semisweet chocolate, melted
1
cup light corn syrup
¾
cup granulated sugar
¼
cup prepared coffee
3
large eggs, lightly beaten
½
teaspoon kosher salt
2
cups pecan halves

1. Preheat the oven to 375ºF. On a lightly floured surface, roll out the pie crust to a 13-inch round. Grease an 11-inch tart pan with butter. Line the tart pan with the pie crust, being careful not to stretch the pie crust as you work it into the corners of the tart pan. Chill for 15 minutes.

2.  In a large bowl, whisk together the melted butter and chocolate, mixing to thoroughly combine. Beat in the corn syrup, sugar, coffee, eggs, and salt. Stir in the pecans and pour the pecan mixture into the pastry-lined tart pan.

3.  Bake the tart in the preheated oven until the crust is golden brown and the filling is set, 40 to 50 minutes. Remove the tart from the oven and cool on a wire rack for at least 10 minutes before slicing into wedges and serving.  

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Last Minute Stocking Stuffers

Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without those “stockings hung by the chimney with care.” Well... assuming, of course, that those stockings are filled with goodies by Christmas morning. But if you happen to forget to stop by the corner store and pick up the requisite candy and Christmas nicknacks, don't worry. I've developed a short list of common household products that can be used to stuff the stockings of even the most demanding of children.

  • Children love anything sugary, even leftover tubes of frosting, sprinkles/jimmies, or any other cake decoration.

  • Stickers, postage stamps, bumper stickers, or anything else that can be stuck to a child's bedroom door make a great stocking stuffer.

  • The attic is a stocking stuffer heaven. Just riffle through a few of the duster boxes to find old Polaroid cameras, hand-me-down toys, and pet mice.

  • The telephone book, dictionary, or volume J-K of the encyclopedia make useful gifts that can fill up an entire stocking.

  • Who doesn't like money? Why not fill the stockings with spare change you find under your seat cushions, in the laundry, or at the bottom of your desk drawers? Just be certain the children don't start to play mob boss by swinging their stockings around at each other.

  • Colorful rubber bands make great hair ties or bracelets for girls, or simple slingshots for boys.

  • Kids love things that fizz, so why not give them some Alka-Seltzer, or a bottle of Diet Pepsi and some Mentos?

  • We all have our secret candy stash, so if all else fails – dip into your candy bank and share something with the kiddies.

So if you procrastinated on that stocking stuffer shopping, don't worry. A quick midnight stroll through the house, and you should be able to find enough stuff to fill out those traditional Christmas socks.

Well, I'm off for the rest of the week, so allow me to now say - Merry Christmas everyone!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Travels and Tribulations

With Christmas just around the corner, many of you are probably planning on doing some traveling. And whether it is simply down the road or across the country, chances are it will be a mildly frustrating experience to say the least. Fortunately, there are a few things that you can do to limit that amount of on-the-road rage and make sure that everyone gets home safely.
First, there seems to be a lot of discontent with the new TSA screening process. And though I do not necessarily like the idea of Mike the TSA agent feeling up my inner thighs, a quick pre-shower glance into the bathroom mirror does tend to convince me that I should probably be the one apologizing before the pat down. But regardless of my personal opinion, to make the airport experience as quick and painless as possible for all those involved, I recommend following the TSA guidelines as best you can. If a TSA agent asks you to spread eagle in the terminal, just do it – it saves everyone time and hassle. And if a TSA agents asks for your phone number afterward, either be flattered or run away as fast as you can.

Second, no matter what method of transportation you plan on using (be it planes, trains, or automobiles), plan on your travels taking twice as long as they should. Let's be honest, between the surprise snow storms, traffic accidents, and flying reindeer, it is a wonder how anyone gets where they're going on time. So plan accordingly and avoid the holiday rush.

And third, keep track of your luggage, pets, and children. Nothing is more frustrating than losing your luggage. (Well... I suppose losing your pet might be a bit more frustrating.) Suffice it to say – nothing is more frustrating than losing your things. Fortunately, the solution to all three of these problems is the same – put them on a leash. If they can't run away, they can't get lost. And in that way, everyone gets home safely.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Holly, Ivy, and Mistletoe

Though it has been my experience that most people decorate their homes each Christmas with an almost child-like zeal, I think it is safe to assume that at least a few of you out there haven't given it even an ounce of thought. And if that is the case, then let me put your minds at ease. There is still time to deck the halls, and it won't take a lot of time, effort, or money to do it.

  • Chances are if you've procrastinated on putting out the Christmas decorations, you've probably also procrastinated on taking down the Thanksgiving ones. So if that is the case, do a little bit of tweaking. Dig out Santa's flying sleigh and arrange eight of those ceramic turkeys in front of it. It might not be traditional, but I think it makes a lot more sense than reindeer – at least the turkeys have wings.

  • Wrapping paper is always festive, so why not wrap up a few more things? By gift wrapping the refrigerator doors, television set, and house cat, you'll not only make your house the most Christmasy one on the street, but come Christmas morning you'll have even more stuff to unwrap.

  • Nothing livens up a holiday household more than Christmas carols. And a great source of Christmas carols is your own cellphone. Simply download a selection of Christmas ringtones, and ask all your friends to call as soon as they can. And of course if you don't have friends, use your own landline to call your cellphone and keep the Xmas tunes going.

  • Don't have time to pick up that Christmas tree? Don't worry – decorate any ol' house plant, feather duster, or sedentary grandfather.

  • And what is Christmas without mistletoe? The great thing about it is – few people actually know what mistletoe is. So you can get away with stringing just about anything together (from rosemary and cranberries to green yarn and red paint chips) and still get away with calling it mistletoe. Besides, let's be honest here, if someone is willing to kiss you under the mistletoe, that person is probably also willing to kiss you under the almost-letoe.

And now that you have a few ideas as to how to decorate your home for the holidays, stop procrastinating. It's fun, I promise. And even if you don't have fun, you can always just leave the decorations up all year and avoid the hassle next Christmas.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Roasted Squash with Bacon and Prunes

ROASTED SQUASH WITH BACON AND PRUNES

Squash seems to be one of those vegetables that most children hate to eat. But as a rich source of vitamins A, C, and E, I think we could all benefit from eating more of these nutritious vegetables. That's why I developed today's recipe for Butternut Squash with Bacon and Prunes. Not only is the roasted squash tender and juicy, but the addition of sweet prunes and salty bacon make this a dish that even the kids will like.

Serves 4, as a side dish

1
large butternut squash, peeled, seeded, and cut into 1-inch cubes
8
cloves garlic, unpeeled
¼
cup pure maple syrup
2
tablespoons olive oil
¼
teaspoon ground nutmeg

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
½
pound thick-cut bacon, finely chopped
½
cup pitted prunes
½
cup walnut halves (optional)
12
fresh sage leaves


1. Preheat the oven to 400ºF. Combine the butternut squash and garlic in a large mixing bowl. Drizzle over the maple syrup and olive oil. Season the squash with the nutmeg, salt, and black pepper. Toss to combine, then spread the squash out into a single layer on a parchment-lined baking sheet.


2. Roast the squash in the preheated oven until it begins to brown, about 30 minutes. Then, sprinkle over the bacon, prunes, walnuts, and sage leaves. Toss to combine, and continue to roast until the bacon is crispy and the squash is tender, 20 to 25 minutes more.

3. Remove the squash from the oven and allow to cool slightly. Season to taste with additional salt and black pepper. Serve.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Christmas Security

Christmas is a time for generosity, and unfortunately it is also a time for crime. Let's face it, many a holiday humbug starts with grinchy characters slunking in through open windows and unlocked backdoors to steal the piles of presents from beneath the tree. And that's not even to mention the flashily dressed fat man and his dwarf-sized minions who seem to have no qualms about breaking and entering each December the 24th. Actually, when you put it that way, Santa does start to sound an awful lot like a mob boss. Where are all these stocking stuffers coming from anyway? Somehow I think they might have fallen off the back of a truck... But I digress.

Suffice it to say, during the holidays we all need to take a few extra precautions to insure our safety and security. And that security can be as simple as rechecking to make sure all your doors and windows are properly locked, keeping all the presents out of the view of wandering eyes, and stringing empty tin cans all about the house to alert you should anyone break it. (Of course, an electronic security system might be an better and safer option. I would imagine to secure an average American household, a person would need hundreds, if not thousands, of tin cans. And yea... I don't really care for canned soup that much. But it certainly is an idea.)

Another important holiday safety concern is the risk of setting the house afire. Christmas tree lights, festive candles, and chestnut-laden fireplaces can all be fire hazards. And that's not to mention all the combustable alcohols, flaming holiday puddings, and debt-ridden insurance clients with matches and petroleum products that make Christmas one of the most incendiary holidays of the year. But there are a few things to help reduce the risk of unintentional holiday fireworks. First, never leave any open flame unattended – the same is true for Christmas lights. Second, fire extinguishers are a great and useful present to keep under the tree. And third, though your oven might look somewhat like a fireplace; it is not – don't try to burn logs in there.

And my final security concern for today involves the holiday scam. I think if there were just one lesson that we can take from Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, it is that we must say humbug to any charity that doesn't provide legitimate documentation. Just kidding – the real lesson was about Christmas cheer or something... But I do believe Scrooge had a point – all those people kept coming into his office to ask for holiday charity donations, and yet not a single one offered any kind of identification. Sure they said the money was going to the poor, but was it really? And that's why it is so important to make sure that the charities you donate to are legitimate. Never give out any personal or financial information over the Internet or the phone without making sure the person on the other end is truly who they claim to be.

And now that you know a few key safety tips, you should be able to enjoy your Christmas and remain fairly safe while doing so. (Please note the emphasis on the word “fairly.” When it comes to your son's new BB gun and your daughter's new pet ferret – you're on your own.)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Candy Caning

I don't know about in your family, but in mine we always buy that twelve-pack of candy canes to hang from the branches of our Christmas tree. And yet, nobody ever eats those candy canes. Each year, they are left hanging until December 26th. at which point they are removed from the tree and either discarded or tossed into the boxes of Christmas ornaments to be found all melty and twisted the following December. It does kind of make you wonder why we buy them at all. And I suppose the answer has more to do with honoring tradition than impulse buying or bad breath fighting.

But all that aside, I started thinking about how I could use up those twelve candy canes this year. And I complied a short list of possible uses which you may find below. With any luck, I'll find the time and ambition on December 26th to actually put some of these ideas to good use. And if not... Well, maybe I'll be able to use them next December 1st when I dig them (once again) out of the boxes of Christmas ornaments.

  • Melt the candies down into mugs of hot cocoa, mint tea, or even hot Dr. Pepper.
  • Include the candy canes along with any overdue Christmas cards as reparations.
  • Wet the tip of the candy cane and attempt to use as a pen.
  • Use to decorate the indoor ficus tree until someone finally does eat them.
  • Jam into lawn to aerate the grass.
  • Use the candy canes in the place of wooden dowels to keep the layers of a wedding cake separate.
  • Place the candy canes on the edge of any dessert plate in the hopes that someone will eat it.
  • See if they work as a miniature cultivators for rooting out weeds in the garden.
  • Bait mousetraps with pieces of candy cane.
  • Grind up into a fine peppermint dust and stir into your toothpaste for extra minty freshness.
  • Use as a novelty putter/conversation starter on the golf course.
  • Hand the candy canes out to trick-or-treaters next Halloween.
  • Use as minty-fresh fish hooks.
  • Glue the candy canes together into a giant pole. Then, tack the pole up beside your front door and open up a barber shop.
  • And if all else fails, throw them into the box of Christmas ornaments just to see how funny looking they will be next year.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Twelve More Days of Christmas

When was the last time someone actually gave you a partridge in a pear tree? I'll be honest, I've never been given such an elaborate gift, nor have I ever considered giving one. It seems rather foolish really. Why would I give someone a tree in the dead of winter? It's not like you can just plant it in the snow and wait for spring. And furthermore, what does a person actually do with the partridge? You could certainly eat it, but that seems like an awful lot of work now doesn't it – all the plucking and roasting? I should think it would be much easier to give a Butterball in a roasting pan than a partridge in a pear tree.

Besides, doesn't the saying go – a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush? Why am I only getting one partridge in my pear tree? Who is skimping on the partridge here? If one partridge in a pear tree is equal to one-half a partridge in my hand, then I have enough partridge to feed exactly one-half person. (The ol' transitive property of elementary math at work right there.) It seems like an awful lot of trouble to go to - digging up a tree, finding a partridge, and combining the two just to feed one-half person.

And what is up with those seven swans a swimming? Do they come with or without the pond? And are cows included with the eight maids a' milking? Suffice it to say, the song could use a little updating. So without further ado, I give you my version of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

  • 12 purple eggplants
  • 11 jars of Pepto
  • 10 bucks for pizza
  • 9 bulbs of garlic
  • 8 ugly neckties
  • 7 handmade mittens
  • 6 bottles of vodka
  • 5 ROLLS OF TP
  • 4 calling cards
  • 3 French kisses
  • 2 chocolate pies
  • And a Butterball in a roasting pan.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

A White Christmas

As we have already had a couple of snow storms here in Northern Maine, it is safe to say that “it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” The air is cold, there's a permanent slush puddle on the welcome mat, and boots have transformed from being utilitarian fashion accessories to this season's must-have footwear. But all that winter wonder aside, what does a person do if he or she lives in an area of the world that only dreams of a white Christmas? How does a person truly get into the spirit of the occasion without a bit of snow on the ground? Well, that is the topic of today's blog. Below you will find a few helpful hints to make even the most tropical of holidays into a winter wonderland.

  • To simulate the look of a snowy front yard, you could cover the entire lawn with a layer of cotton batting (the stuff used to make quilts puffy). Of course, that might kill your grass, but let's just deal with one problem at a time here.

  • Buy a snow cone machine and have a snow cone fight. (Just remember to avoid lemon-flavored snow cones – that'll just teach your children it's alright to eat yellow snow.)

  • Christmas just isn't Christmas without a snowman in the backyard. So if you don't have snow, you can always pile up three full trash bags and paint a face on it. Or if you don't have a backyard in which to build your snowman, a smaller, indoor snowman can be made. For example, you could build a snowman in the freezer using freezer frost. Or you could use chunky kitty litter to decorate your cat's litter box with a festive litter snowman!

  • Kids love to play with flour sifters (or at least I did when I was one). So why not give them all large bags of confectioners' sugar and a flour sifter? They can then be sent upstairs to sift the sugar out their bedroom windows. Not only will this entertain the children, but for anyone looking out a first-floor window, it will appear that a light dusting of snow is falling from the heavens.

  • And if all else fails, you can buy some of that spray-on frost (or a good can of white spray paint will do - assuming you don't mind it being permanent) and paint the world white to your heart's content (or at least until the fumes make you faint).

And now that you have a few key tips to making your tropical paradise into a frozen wasteland, get cracking – those palm trees aren't going to frost themselves.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Pork Chops with Spiced Apples

PORK CHOPS WITH SPICED APPLES

Today, I'll be sharing with you a delicious and quick-to-prepare dinner idea that the whole family will enjoy – Pork Chops with Spiced Apples. It's a simple dish that can be prepared all in one skillet, using ingredients you probably already have in the house. So pull up a chair, because dinner will be on the table in 30.

Serves 4

4
¾-inch thick, bone-in pork chops, trimmed of excess fat and patted dry

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1
tablespoon olive oil
2
tablespoons unsalted butter
3
Granny Smith apples, peeled, cored, and cut into wedges
teaspoons fresh rosemary, very finely chopped
1
cup apple cider
¼
cup raisins
3
tablespoons pure maple syrup
½
teaspoon apple pie spice

Juice of 1 lemon

1. Season both sides of the pork chops with salt and black pepper. Set a large cast-iron skillet over medium-high heat and drizzle in the olive oil. Once the oil is hot, arrange the pork chops in a single layer in the skillet, and sear until golden brown, 5 to 6 minutes. Turn the pork chops over and continue to cook until golden brown and cooked through, about 5 to 6 minutes more. Transfer the pork chops to a warm serving platter and set aside.

2. Return the skillet to the stove and melt the butter over medium-low heat. Add the apples and rosemary. Cook, stirring occasionally, until the apples are lightly golden brown, 6 to 8 minutes.

3. Deglaze the skillet by pouring in the apple cider and using a wooden spoon to scrape up any browned bits stuck to the bottom. Add the raisins, maple syrup, and apple pie spice. Simmer until the apples are tender and the sauce has thickened slightly, about 10 minutes.

4. To finish, add the lemon juice to the apple mixture. Season to taste with additional salt and black pepper. Pour the sautéed apples and sauce over the reserved pork chops and serve.

Late for the Party

You know it's sad to say, but I really know absolutely nothing about Hanukkah. And that includes the spelling – is it Hanukkah or Chanukah? (Or is there a different between those two?) Well regardless of the spelling, it is a holiday that involves lots of great food so I should – scratch that – I want to know all about it. And since tonight is the final night of the Hanukkah season, it seems appropriate that I browse Amazon.com for a couple of applicable books and begin my preparation for next year's Festival of Lights.

And since I don't have any advice (useful or otherwise) for you on Hanukkah, I suppose I will finish this rather pointless blog entry with a joke:

Q: What do you call an empty jar of Cheese Whiz?
A: Cheese Whuz.

(Well, that wasn't very good, now was it? Maybe I'll order a couple of joke books while I'm at it...)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Holiday De-Stress

Feeling a little stressed this holiday season? Between the economic crunch, the holiday weight gain, and the three Christmas spirits haunting our every dream, I think it's safe to assume that we all feel a little stressed throughout the month of December. But don't worry, today I have a few tips to share with you that should help minimize those Christmas-induced anxiety attacks and coronaries.

  • Make lists for everything. Not only will it keep you organized, but there is something therapeutic about checking off all the tasks you have accomplished.

  • One glass of red wine each day has been shown to be beneficial to heart health. Two glasses of red wine each day are beneficial to mental health.

  • A strong glass or two of eggnog is even better for mental health.

  • Stock up on beer, ketchup, and toilet paper. There is nothing more stressful than running out of beer, ketchup, and/or toilet paper.

  • And if all else fails, lock the door, turn out the lights, and wait for January.

And now that you have a few tools to de-stress your holiday, enjoy the season! Christmas really is a magical time of the year... as long as you can fend off the heart attack, that is...

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Twenty Things to Do With Fruitcake!

Though it may sound rather odd, many members of my family actually enjoy a slice or two of fruitcake during the holidays. It is a taste that few acquire, and yet seems uncommonly common in my family, requiring me to prepare several fruitcakes each and every Christmas. But let's face it, that is a problem that few other home cooks have. And so in the interest of keeping this blog relevant, I will discuss another aspect of all things fruitcake – what to do with those unwanted fruitcakes.

For most American families, fruitcakes have a rather poor reputation for causing chronic holiday humbug-ery (possible side effects include: nausea, upset stomach, constipation, curled nose syndrome, depression, and clinical disappointment). Luckily, there are options for treating this non-life-threatening condition. Below you will find of listing of twenty things to do with those gifted fruitcakes. Simply choose the option that works best for you, and... live life, fruitcake free.

  • Donate the fruitcake to a food bank.
  • Throw the fruitcake away.
  • Feed it to the birds.
  • Use as potting soil.
  • Attempt to compost the fruitcake (may take between 1 and 5 years).
  • Store indefinitely in an Armageddon fallout shelter (if it's the only thing left to eat, you'll eat it).
  • Regift the fruitcake to someone who does likes it.
  • Regift the fruitcake to someone who doesn't like it.
  • Regift the fruitcake to someone who doesn't like you.
  • Use the cake as a fragrant paperweight.
  • Repurpose the fruitcake as a door jam.
  • Use the cake as a hockey puck.
  • Mop up spills with a spare fruitcake (it really is the quicker, picker-upper).
  • Collect as many fruitcakes as possible to use as bricks in the construction of an outdoor fire pit.
  • Use the cake as charcoal in your new outdoor fire pit.
  • Stick the cake under the short leg of a chair or table to keep it from rocking.
  • Allow the fruitcake to dry out and use as a pumice stone to remove calluses
  • Carve into miniature sculptures of The David.
  • Place in your car with a note reading: In the event of a submersion, break glass with this.
  • Toss the cake in the back of the refrigerator to act as an air fresher for the next year, then regift it to someone you really don't like.

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Secret Santa

As I was writing last Thursday's blog on the holiday office party (see article “The Office Party”), I got to thinking about another common aspect of workplace celebration - the secret Santa gift exchange. If you've never done a secret Santa gift exchange before, it goes something like this – everyone draws a name out of a hat, and you purchase a gift for whomever you drew. Then, at the designated place and time (usually the company office party) you all exchange gifts and say Merry Christmas, drink some eggnog, and go your separate ways.

But all the rules of the game aside, what I started thinking about was - what happens if you get the name of some person you have never met? With more and more conglomerates eating up small business, not to mention outsourcing and globalization, it is entirely possible that you will draw the name of a person you've never met. So what do you do when you're expected to buy a gift for customer service agent Baasim “Timothy” Kumar? (Oh, and did I mention Baasim is in Mumbai? Well, he is. Good luck with that one.)

Well, as I said, I got to thinking about this little problem and developed a short list of possible gift ideas. You can find the list below. I'm sure there are other considerations to take into account. And you know your workplace better than I, so feel free to tweak these ideas to meet your needs.

  • One of the most common secret Santa gifts is a basket of soaps, lotions, and oils. In my opinion, that is the polite way of saying, “You're stinking up the office. Please, bathe more.” So to be a bit more considerate of the feelings of those rank coworkers, I like to give them gift certificates to the local spa. With any luck, the well-trained health spa professionals will be able to scrub the stink off, so you can all work together without gagging.

  • Or you can give out practical gifts. Who doesn't need beer, ketchup, and toilet paper?

  • Of course, if you really have no clue about the person you are buying for, the best thing to do is to go to the store and purchase the most versatile thing you can find. Swiss Army knives (not the best example if you work in a high stress profession where people are at risk of going postal), festive holiday cards or signs that read “Happy Christma-hanu-kwanzaa-kah”, or even a couple rolls of Duct Tape should work out just fine.

  • If you forgot to purchase your secret Santa gift, a quick trip to the office supply closet should do quite nicely. I think most coworkers would appreciate a handmade paperclip necklace, fleet of paper airplanes, or even a new fax machine.

  • And since it is the season for giving, perhaps the best idea I can offer you is to convince your fellow coworkers to forgo this year's gift exchange and each donate something to a local charity or food bank.

And now that you have a few ideas what to purchase for that assigned person, get out there and do it. The secret Santa gift exchange is a fun way to get to know your fellow coworkers and share a couple of laughs.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Roasted Pear Salad with Blue Cheese

ROASTED PEAR SALAD WITH BLUE CHEESE

Are you getting tired of that ordinary tossed salad? You know what I mean – that boringly simple combination of iceberg lettuce, tomato wedges, and cucumber slices that leaves you full, yet not quite satisfied. Well today, I'm going to share with you a delicious and creative salad that makes a great start to any meal. I call this recipe Roasted Pear Salad with Blue Cheese, and it is anything but ordinary.

Serves 4, as a starter

2
firm-ripe Anjou pears, peeled, halved lengthwise, and cored
¼
teaspoon fresh thyme leaves

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
2
ounces Gorgonzola or other blue cheese, crumbled
¼
cup dried pomegranate seeds (or dried cranberries)
¼
cup pecans, chopped (optional)
2
tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
¼
cup honey
8
ounces baby lettuces, such as arugula, frisée, and red oak
4
strips thick-cut bacon, cooked and crumbled
¼
cup fresh pomegranate seeds
1
tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
teaspoons Dijon mustard
  1. Preheat the oven to 375°F. Sprinkle the pears with the thyme leaves, and season with salt and black pepper. Arrange the pears snuggly, cut-side-up, in a small baking dish. Combine the Gorgonzola, dried pomegranate seeds, and pecans together in a bowl. Divide the cheese mixture among the pears, mounding it on top of each pear.
  2. In a separate bowl, whisk the lemon juice and honey together with 2 tablespoons of hot water. Drizzle the mixture over and around the pears.
  3. Roast the pears in the preheated oven until tender, 20 to 30 minutes - depending upon the size of the pears. If the cheese filling begins to brown too much, cover the pan with aluminum foil and continue to roast. Remove the pears from the oven and cool 10 minutes.
  4. Toss together the lettuce, bacon, and fresh pomegranate seeds. Divide the salad between four serving plates, and top each with a pear half. In a bowl, whisk the olive oil and Dijon mustard together with the remaining roasting juices. Season with salt and black pepper, and drizzle the vinaigrette over the salads. Serve.